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Alzheimers - What an emotional conflict
An_249092 posted:
My 79 year old mother has suffered with Alzheimers for years and is now in stage 6; My dad (82) can no longer provide care for my mother so my wife and I moved my mother from Ohio to Charlotte to live with us 3 months ago. We got her on the needed medications (Exelon and also a anti-depressant). My wife and I are both constantly loving on my mother, never yelling, always smiling, etc. and my mother responded real well - up to a couple weeks ago. My dad just moved down with us this weekend from Ohio and my mom yells at him constantly for no reason (how sad is that). I resemble my dad a lot so my mom is "flirting with me" and can not understand that I am her son and does not recognize my father.
I am in the worst predicament. My mother and I have a tight bond, I know her so well and know how to make her laugh. She is in great physical shape but, she is now completely incontinent - dependent on my wifte and I to change her and clean her. She is now getting violant and has swung and hit my wife.
The dilema, if I put my mother in a home, I feel I am not being a good son as she has so much life in her. If I do not put her in a home I am a bad husband for putting my wife in harms way. . . We are now starting to try putting my mother on Olanzapine ( ZyPREXA) with the hope it will calm her temper swings . . but the potential side effects concern me deeply.
It is a very sad situation. Tomorrow I must start seeking a full time care facility for my mom as there appears to be no other sulution.
I am in the worst predicament. My mother and I have a tight bond, I know her so well and know how to make her laugh. She is in great physical shape but, she is now completely incontinent - dependent on my wifte and I to change her and clean her. She is now getting violant and has swung and hit my wife.
The dilema, if I put my mother in a home, I feel I am not being a good son as she has so much life in her. If I do not put her in a home I am a bad husband for putting my wife in harms way. . . We are now starting to try putting my mother on Olanzapine ( ZyPREXA) with the hope it will calm her temper swings . . but the potential side effects concern me deeply.
It is a very sad situation. Tomorrow I must start seeking a full time care facility for my mom as there appears to be no other sulution.
1 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Alzheimers - What an emotional conflictMy 79 year old mother has suffered with Alzheimers for years and is now in stage 6; My dad (82) can no longer provide care for my mother so my wife and I moved my mother from Ohio to Charlotte to live with us 3 months ago. We got her on the needed medications (Exelon and also a anti-depressant). My wife and I are both constantly loving on my mother, never yelling, always smiling, etc. and my mother responded real well - up to a couple weeks ago. My dad just moved down with us this weekend from Ohio and my mom yells at him constantly for no reason (how sad is that). I resemble my dad a lot so my mom is "flirting with me" and can not understand that I am her son and does not recognize my father.<br /> <br />I am in the worst predicament. My mother and I have a tight bond, I know her so well and know how to make her laugh. She is in great physical shape but, she is now completely incontinent - dependent on my wifte and I to change her and clean her. She is now getting violant and has swung and hit my wife.<br /> <br />The dilema, if I put my mother in a home, I feel I am not being a good son as she has so much life in her. If I do not put her in a home I am a bad husband for putting my wife in harms way. . . We are now starting to try putting my mother on Olanzapine ( ZyPREXA) with the hope it will calm her temper swings . . but the potential side effects concern me deeply.<br /> <br />It is a very sad situation. Tomorrow I must start seeking a full time care facility for my mom as there appears to be no other sulution.
susiemargaret responded:
hello, A299 --
i am so sorry you are having to go thru this heartache.
let me suggest that while you are waiting for responses here, you might want to check out the alzheimer's community, which has an expert on-board, http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange , and perhaps re-post your inquiry there. be sure also to check out the community's separate "resources" listings, http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/resource/index , and "tips," http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/tip/index , as well, because those are not always covered in the main discussions. finally, you can pull up messages dealing specifically with alzheimer's and violent behavior by searching for "violent" and "violence" thru the "search this community" box with the orange "go" button at the upper right (do a separate search for each word for best results).
webMD also has an extensive section on alzheimer's, http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/default.htm , with detailed information on the disease, its management/treatment, and resources for caregivers. finally, the middle column on a separate page, http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/default.htm , offers additional topics related to alzheimer's that may be helpful to you.
another place where you might find advice and emotional support is the caregiving community, http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange , esp if you do a search for "alzheimer's" in the "search this community" box with the orange "go" button at the upper right; that will bring up posts that deal specifically with caregiving for people with alzheimer's. separate searches for "violent" and "violence" may yield additional help. don't forget to check the "resources" listings, http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/resource/index , and "tips," http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/tip/index , in that community as well.
as you will see from some of the posts in the alzheimer's and caregiving communities, violence in alzheimer's patients can often be controlled with meds. however, if that turns out not to be the case in your circumstances, or if other problems are arising that make your mother increasingly hard to handle, i do not think for one second that you are a "bad son" for considering options for your mother other than her living with you. i have never heard of anyone who believed that loving a parent and managing their care required subjecting a son/daughter and spouse to violence or wrecking the son/daughter's marriage.
may i ask, is your father in good health? is it absolutely necessary that he live with you and your wife, irrespective of what decision you come to with regard to your mother?
i send you and your family many caring thoughts; this is a situation that always brings terrible anguish with it. please let us know how things are going.
-- susie margaret
i am so sorry you are having to go thru this heartache.
let me suggest that while you are waiting for responses here, you might want to check out the alzheimer's community, which has an expert on-board, http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange , and perhaps re-post your inquiry there. be sure also to check out the community's separate "resources" listings, http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/resource/index , and "tips," http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/tip/index , as well, because those are not always covered in the main discussions. finally, you can pull up messages dealing specifically with alzheimer's and violent behavior by searching for "violent" and "violence" thru the "search this community" box with the orange "go" button at the upper right (do a separate search for each word for best results).
webMD also has an extensive section on alzheimer's, http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/default.htm , with detailed information on the disease, its management/treatment, and resources for caregivers. finally, the middle column on a separate page, http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/default.htm , offers additional topics related to alzheimer's that may be helpful to you.
another place where you might find advice and emotional support is the caregiving community, http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange , esp if you do a search for "alzheimer's" in the "search this community" box with the orange "go" button at the upper right; that will bring up posts that deal specifically with caregiving for people with alzheimer's. separate searches for "violent" and "violence" may yield additional help. don't forget to check the "resources" listings, http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/resource/index , and "tips," http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/tip/index , in that community as well.
as you will see from some of the posts in the alzheimer's and caregiving communities, violence in alzheimer's patients can often be controlled with meds. however, if that turns out not to be the case in your circumstances, or if other problems are arising that make your mother increasingly hard to handle, i do not think for one second that you are a "bad son" for considering options for your mother other than her living with you. i have never heard of anyone who believed that loving a parent and managing their care required subjecting a son/daughter and spouse to violence or wrecking the son/daughter's marriage.
may i ask, is your father in good health? is it absolutely necessary that he live with you and your wife, irrespective of what decision you come to with regard to your mother?
i send you and your family many caring thoughts; this is a situation that always brings terrible anguish with it. please let us know how things are going.
-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
Report This| Share this:Alzheimers - What an emotional conflicthello, A299 --<br /> <br />i am so sorry you are having to go thru this heartache.<br /> <br />let me suggest that while you are waiting for responses here, you might want to check out the <b>alzheimer's community</b>, which has an expert on-board, <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange">http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange</a> , and perhaps re-post your inquiry there. be sure also to check out the community's separate "resources" listings, <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/resource/index">http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/resource/index</a> , and "tips," <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/tip/index">http://exchanges.webmd.com/alzheimers-exchange/tip/index</a> , as well, because those are not always covered in the main discussions. finally, you can pull up messages dealing specifically with alzheimer's and violent behavior by searching for "violent" and "violence" thru the "search this community" box with the orange "go" button at the upper right (do a separate search for each word for best results).<br /> <br />webMD also has an extensive section on alzheimer's, <a href="http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/default.htm">http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/default.htm</a> , with detailed information on the disease, its management/treatment, and resources for caregivers. finally, the middle column on a separate page, <a href="http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/default.htm">http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/default.htm</a> , offers additional topics related to alzheimer's that may be helpful to you.<br /> <br />another place where you might find advice and emotional support is the <b>caregiving community</b>, <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange">http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange</a> , esp if you do a search for "alzheimer's" in the "search this community" box with the orange "go" button at the upper right; that will bring up posts that deal specifically with caregiving for people with alzheimer's. separate searches for "violent" and "violence" may yield additional help. don't forget to check the "resources" listings, <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/resource/index">http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/resource/index</a> , and "tips," <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/tip/index">http://exchanges.webmd.com/caregiving-exchange/tip/index</a> , in that community as well.<br /> <br />as you will see from some of the posts in the alzheimer's and caregiving communities, violence in alzheimer's patients can often be controlled with meds. however, if that turns out not to be the case in your circumstances, or if other problems are arising that make your mother increasingly hard to handle, i do not think for one second that you are a "bad son" for considering options for your mother other than her living with you. i have never heard of anyone who believed that loving a parent and managing their care required subjecting a son/daughter and spouse to violence or wrecking the son/daughter's marriage.<br /> <br />may i ask, is your father in good health? is it absolutely necessary that he live with you and your wife, irrespective of what decision you come to with regard to your mother?<br /> <br />i send you and your family many caring thoughts; this is a situation that always brings terrible anguish with it. please let us know how things are going.<br /> <br />-- susie margaret
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