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Put on a Happy Face
I think sick people worry about what other people think. We are scared. Is that why so many with chronic illnesses feel the need to put their best foot forward?
Read my latest entry on the Strong at the Broken Places blog called "Put on a Happy Face" and let me know what you think. Please post any comments, questions, or discussions here in this thread.
66 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy Face<br />I think sick people worry about what other people think. We are scared. Is that why so many with chronic illnesses feel the need to put their best foot forward?<br /><br />Read my latest entry on the Strong at the Broken Places blog called <a href="http://blogs.webmd.com/strong-at-the-broken-places/2010/03/put-on-happy-face.html">"Put on a Happy Face" </a> and let me know what you think. Please post any comments, questions, or discussions here in this thread.
imascrapper responded:
I could not agree more. I think my having chronic illnesses make people close to me uncomfortable, so I rarely mention it, even if I am having a horrible day. Only my husband understands what it takes for me to get through the day. I have no visible signs of my disabilities, so maybe my problems are not judged as valid. I am on SSDI, and one person I shared this with commented that it must be nice not to have to worry about an income during these economic times.
I just don't talk about my problems. I don't think people really care unless it inconveniences them.
I just don't talk about my problems. I don't think people really care unless it inconveniences them.
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceI could not agree more. I think my having chronic illnesses make people close to me uncomfortable, so I rarely mention it, even if I am having a horrible day. Only my husband understands what it takes for me to get through the day. I have no visible signs of my disabilities, so maybe my problems are not judged as valid. I am on SSDI, and one person I shared this with commented that it must be nice not to have to worry about an income during these economic times.<br /><br />I just don't talk about my problems. I don't think people really care unless it inconveniences them.
That may be a harsh caricature, but not too harsh. You are right to protect yourself emotionally. Chronic illness is a survival game.
Best,
RMC
Best,
RMC
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceThat may be a harsh caricature, but not too harsh. You are right to protect yourself emotionally. Chronic illness is a survival game.<br /> <br />Best,<br /><br />RMC
tgood113 replied to imascrapper's response:
I have heart disease, arthritis and stage 3 CKD. Some days can be difficult, but I still feel obligated to smile and to never, ever tell anyone if I don't feel well. The sad truth is that I even do this with my doctor. I feel that he doesn't want to hear the negatives either.
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceI have heart disease, arthritis and stage 3 CKD. Some days can be difficult, but I still feel obligated to smile and to never, ever tell anyone if I don't feel well. The sad truth is that I even do this with my doctor. I feel that he doesn't want to hear the negatives either.
jpreaves responded:
My wife was diagnosed almost six years ago with Alzheimer's disease. She was intelligent and a high ranking Accountant with a large company for 31 years. And at the young age of 56 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
You may not call this a chronic disease but never the less she suffers with the same problem as Mr. Cohen. She is a proud person and doesn't seem to want others to feel the debilitating pain she does in slowly losing her mind. She will great others with a smile and can hold a pretty good conversation and they usually walk away thinking nothing is seriously wrong with her. But she and I know she has the cognitive ability of less than a three year old.
In her closet she will cry though. Three cheers for the person with Alzheimer's.
Thanks,
Jean-Paul
You may not call this a chronic disease but never the less she suffers with the same problem as Mr. Cohen. She is a proud person and doesn't seem to want others to feel the debilitating pain she does in slowly losing her mind. She will great others with a smile and can hold a pretty good conversation and they usually walk away thinking nothing is seriously wrong with her. But she and I know she has the cognitive ability of less than a three year old.
In her closet she will cry though. Three cheers for the person with Alzheimer's.
Thanks,
Jean-Paul
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceMy wife was diagnosed almost six years ago with Alzheimer's disease. She was intelligent and a high ranking Accountant with a large company for 31 years. And at the young age of 56 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.<br /> <br />You may not call this a chronic disease but never the less she suffers with the same problem as Mr. Cohen. She is a proud person and doesn't seem to want others to feel the debilitating pain she does in slowly losing her mind. She will great others with a smile and can hold a pretty good conversation and they usually walk away thinking nothing is seriously wrong with her. But she and I know she has the cognitive ability of less than a three year old.<br />In her closet she will cry though. Three cheers for the person with Alzheimer's. <br /> <br />Thanks,<br />Jean-Paul
I have many medical problems the main one being stroke effects.When a simple word won't come up people look, waiting for the word. I feel uncomfortable and silly. People might think I am. I find my condition embarrassing, and I mostly try to hide my feelings like you. If I do make a comment people usually "write it off" by some comment, like, oh we all get that. Inside I feel extremely frustrated. Nowadays I have great outbursts, but only my son has been present. He probably wonders if I am going mad. I am always ready to smile though on the outside, but inside I feel absolutely dejected and depressed. Is there a way out? My answer is negative. although we are told to 'always look on the bright side'. My very best wishes to you. Some people say you should let others know how you feel?
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceI have many medical problems the main one being stroke effects.When a simple word won't come up people look, waiting for the word. I feel uncomfortable and silly. People might think I am. I find my condition embarrassing, and I mostly try to hide my feelings like you. If I <u>do</u> make a comment people usually "write it off" by some comment, like, oh we all get that. Inside I feel extremely frustrated. Nowadays I have great outbursts, but only my son has been present. He probably wonders if I am going mad. I am always ready to smile though on the outside, but inside I feel absolutely dejected and depressed. Is there a way out? My answer is negative. although we are told to 'always look on the bright side'. My very best wishes to you. Some people say you should <b><u>let</u></b> others know how you feel?
pattiyan responded:
Thankyou, I read your article. So many of us suffer in silence. We all try to put on a brave face and smile, but inside our hearts ar full of grief because nothing changes. Yes, we are fearful of what could happen, if and when. We do fear what other people think of us and how they judge us. Our disabilities create concern in others and they do not always know how to deal with given situations. They often try to make light of it. Best wishes to you Richard!
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceThankyou, I read your article. So many of us suffer in silence. We all try to put on a brave face and smile, but inside our hearts ar full of grief because nothing changes. Yes, we are fearful of what could happen, if and when. We do fear what other people think of us and how they judge us. Our disabilities create concern in others and they do not always know how to deal with given situations. They often try to make light of it. Best wishes to you Richard!
An_188045 responded:
I agree. My boss tells me she wants the happy, hyper person I used to be. She thinks I am weak minded because I have chronic pain & can't always hide it. I have had agressive rheumatoind arthritis for 10 years & lower lumbar degenerative disk problems. I have become an expert at "hiding the pain" except for the really bad days. In 2 years I can retire & just pray I can make it that long. Does our illness scare them? They should feel it from our side!
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceI agree. My boss tells me she wants the happy, hyper person I used to be. She thinks I am weak minded because I have chronic pain & can't always hide it. I have had agressive rheumatoind arthritis for 10 years & lower lumbar degenerative disk problems. I have become an expert at "hiding the pain" except for the really bad days. In 2 years I can retire & just pray I can make it that long. Does our illness scare them? They should feel it from our side!
sophelea responded:
One reason I keep my problems including pain level to myself is I am concerned about discrimination by my employer or potential future employers. I need to work and I can appear normal for short periods with enough medications. If I complain to people, it will get out. Paranoid? Not really, I have worked for years in risk management and human resources and as an ADA specialist. I saw this type of discrimination nearly every day.
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceOne reason I keep my problems including pain level to myself is I am concerned about discrimination by my employer or potential future employers. I need to work and I can appear normal for short periods with enough medications. If I complain to people, it will get out. Paranoid? Not really, I have worked for years in risk management and human resources and as an ADA specialist. I saw this type of discrimination nearly every day.
An_188046 replied to An_188045's response:
I understand. I have had severe degenerative rheumatoid arthritis for more than 20 years, as well as fibromyalgia, spinal fractures, degenerative disc disease, recurring leg ulcers, and a bunch of other stuff. Most of the time, I'm very good at putting on a happy face. When I feel like I'm not able to do that, I cancel my appointment or meeting or whatever and just stay home and give in to it. My dogs seem to understand and give me a little more love on those days!
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceI understand. I have had severe degenerative rheumatoid arthritis for more than 20 years, as well as fibromyalgia, spinal fractures, degenerative disc disease, recurring leg ulcers, and a bunch of other stuff. Most of the time, I'm very good at putting on a happy face. When I feel like I'm not able to do that, I cancel my appointment or meeting or whatever and just stay home and give in to it. My dogs seem to understand and give me a little more love on those days!
pokerhippie responded:
I think it is good to try to " Put on a Happy Face" sometimes. Thinking positively and have a good outlook help. The problem is being to admit when things are going so well, especially to doctors. I have chronic pain and often try to convince myself that I am not in pain. Sometimes it is good I can cope with a minor flare up. Other times I wait to long to get treatment and a minor flare up knocks me off my feet for a while. I try to stay upbeat but in the long run it does not benefit someone in chronic pain to hide it. You do not have to tell a stranger that it hurts but it does help to be honest with yourself and those who really matter.
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceI think it is good to try to " Put on a Happy Face" sometimes. Thinking positively and have a good outlook help. The problem is being to admit when things are going so well, especially to doctors. I have chronic pain and often try to convince myself that I am not in pain. Sometimes it is good I can cope with a minor flare up. Other times I wait to long to get treatment and a minor flare up knocks me off my feet for a while. I try to stay upbeat but in the long run it does not benefit someone in chronic pain to hide it. You do not have to tell a stranger that it hurts but it does help to be honest with yourself and those who really matter.
FaceTheFear responded:
Great article. I am going to order both of your books Mr. Cohen after I write this. I completely identify. But, I no longer hide my feelings from myself or others; because they fester, boil up inside me, turning me into a venomous raging tornado. And, that is bad for everyone. However, it is true, no one really wants the truth; about anything. I am so grateful just to be alive, and the things that have not killed me (yet) have made me stronger, like you.
Thanks, you are a very inspiring person.
Thanks, you are a very inspiring person.
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceGreat article. I am going to order both of your books Mr. Cohen after I write this. I completely identify. But, I no longer hide my feelings from myself or others; because they fester, boil up inside me, turning me into a venomous raging tornado. And, that is bad for everyone. However, it is true, no one really wants the truth; about anything. I am so grateful just to be alive, and the things that have not killed me (yet) have made me stronger, like you. <br />Thanks, you are a very inspiring person.
pokerhippie:
There are limits to the value of the happy face. A fine line runs between putting your best foot forward and sheer dishonesty. When it's a judgment call, go for the happy face. When you hurt so much that it would be a lie, have a couple of drinks instead and think about tomorrow.
Best,
RMC
There are limits to the value of the happy face. A fine line runs between putting your best foot forward and sheer dishonesty. When it's a judgment call, go for the happy face. When you hurt so much that it would be a lie, have a couple of drinks instead and think about tomorrow.
Best,
RMC
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy Facepokerhippie:<br /> <br />There are limits to the value of the happy face. A fine line runs between putting your best foot forward and sheer dishonesty. When it's a judgment call, go for the happy face. When you hurt so much that it would be a lie, have a couple of drinks instead and think about tomorrow.<br /> <br />Best,<br /><br />RMC
FaceTheFear:
You will find your own way. Stay strong and be happy. You will like yourself more. That is key. Self-respect goes a long way. Face it. You may not beat it, but it won't beat you.
Best,
RMC
You will find your own way. Stay strong and be happy. You will like yourself more. That is key. Self-respect goes a long way. Face it. You may not beat it, but it won't beat you.
Best,
RMC
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceFaceTheFear:<br /> <br />You will find your own way. Stay strong and be happy. You will like yourself more. That is key. Self-respect goes a long way. Face it. You may not beat it, but it won't beat you.<br /> <br />Best,<br /><br />RMC
tgood113 replied to Richard M Cohen's response:
Somehow my main point was missed. I even put on a happy face for my doctor, who tends to minimize any problem I have when I do bring it up. He clearly doesn't want to hear about my weight gain, I have congestive heart failure, or that I had a severe angina attack, etc
Report This| Share this:Put on a Happy FaceSomehow my main point was missed. I even put on a happy face for my doctor, who tends to minimize any problem I have when I do bring it up. He clearly doesn't want to hear about my weight gain, I have congestive heart failure, or that I had a severe angina attack, etc
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