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    Im a newbie....need to vent.
    Sam_I_am_1976 posted:
    Hi everyone....Im 35 and have been trying for a good 5 years. Took a break for a year after my divorce....we tried for 3 years and got put into the " unexplained " group. He remarried and has a 1 year old....UGH!!! Now with my new hubby we have been trying for 2 years.

    Just finished my 2nd month of Clomid.....and just waiting. Seems that is all I do....wait. I have all the wonderful side flashes, dizzines, mood swings. The headaches went away after the first month.

    Im getting sssssssooooooo frustrated.....everywhere I look someone is prego. When will it be my turn? I feel like my time is getting shorter and shorter everyday.....sometimes I want to just give up, but then I see how happy my brother is with his kids.

    I was wondering...are the side affects supposed to get better as the months go by? Or do they stay the same?
    Shellyf33 responded:
    I know exactly where you are coming from. I got married at 25 and didn't try until a few years later to no avail. Well in the mean time I find out that my ex husband got another girl pregnant. So we divoriced and I went a few years with out trying and my old OBGYN told me she couldn't do anything or check anything unless I was actively trying to conceive. Nothing like feeling like a complete failure.
    So me and my new husband and I have been trying to a year and a half with again no success. Well got a new OBGYN and was immediately sent to the Fertility Clinic. Had surgery for endometriosis and now just finished my first cylce of Clomid..just had hot flashes. She only put me on 25mg.
    Not being able to get pregnant is one of the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. I get jealous of everyone around me with babies..but try my hardest to put on a happy face. Feel like live isn't fair. I have lots of lows. Just don't know when I should say enough is enough. Well I guess when they say IVF..that will be it. No something that I can afford. Don't understand why that is so pricy.
    I hope you have success on Clomid.
    Sam_I_am_1976 replied to Shellyf33's response:
    Thanks for I feel a bit better knowing that Im not the only 1 thats having the same problem. I know how you sucks having all your friends and family pop out babies like rabbits. But the worst part for me is that people dont know when to shut their mouth! My in-laws constantly ask me " when are you going to get your oven fixed and have some babies? " You can explain so much.....then it startes to get hurtfull. Its bad enough that I'm in the " unexplained " categorie and my hormones are all messed up from taking this clomid....I dont need my in-laws adding more depression to my plate. Alot of times I come home after visiting them and cry for hours....I have even stopped going to visit them as much as I used to, which is causing issues between my hubby.

    I really do hope this clomid does work because I cant afford IVF unless I sell my car since thats what it costs!
    I wish you all the luck too and hope your clomid works.
    Shaynawayna responded:
    I know what you mean, I feel like a horrible person when I can't get excited for some people when I find out they are pregnant. I get the same thoughts when I read and watch stories of children abuse/neglect/what ever... all I can think of is "You don't deserve your children" I blame this mostly on the mood swings, but I feel it the most when I look at my younger brother with his 6 month old. I hate myself for it someitmes
    maragayle responded:
    I stumbled across this forum today and have to say I'm relieved to find some support from people experiencing the same thing. It's tough to look around at all of your friends, coworkers, family getting pregnant or carting around their infants and toddlers.

    My sister, two coworkers and I all started trying to conceive around last July. Now all three women are HUGE and I haven't had any luck at all. I was the youngest out of the four of us and thought I'd have the easiest time conceiving. Boy, was I wrong!

    I get resentful. I know I'm doing it and it bothers me that I feel that way. I look at my coworker and wonder why she got pregnant when she can't even afford to take care of herself (her mother still pays some of her bills). Meanwhile, my husband and I are stable, have a house and are well established. It didn't help when his brother had a baby last August. They barely take care of the kid and my mother-in-law seems to be supporting her son, his girlfriend and the new baby. It makes me SO mad!

    It doesn't help that the babble at work is constantly centered around babies. I'm close to the two coworkers who are pregnant, so they know what I'm going through. I just want to tell them to shut up once they start talking about their pregnancies and how excited they are. Every other word is nursery this or diaper that. I feel like they're being inconsiderate, but I know I'm the one with the issue.

    I was on depo before trying to conceive and have been off of it for almost 16 months now. I still cannot have a period without medication, but the doctor seems to think the depo is completely out of my system.

    Last month I got positive ovulation tests on my take home kit. It was our first try with the clomid. However, when I went to have my blood work done, it came back as being negative. I had gotten my hopes so high that we'd conceive, then they were dashed before I could even take a pregnancy test. It's frustrating, to say the least.

    My husband and I got married last July, so the family keeps asking us when they can expect little ones. We let our immediate family know of our troubles because the stress was too much to bare. However, it's like a knife to the heart every time someone in the extended family asks us.

    Good luck ladies! I'll be wishing, hoping and praying for all of us!
    mamameg1 replied to Shaynawayna's response:
    I feel the same way with some of my family members and their children.

    I cry...and scream....and wonder why.

    It sucks....but, you have to just hope for the best.
    Sam_I_am_1976 replied to mamameg1's response:
    Well ladies.....I am now waiting for day 28 to roll around and see if this clomid worked........or NOT. I hope it doesnt then I can stop taking it and not deal with all the mood swings. I feel ssssoooo bad for my hubby.....he has put up with it all, the mood swings, hot flashes in the middle of the night and most of all.....the depression.

    I wish everyone good luck.
    mullins73 responded:
    I'm on my four month of clomid. This past month the dose was increased. Every month I have had the hot flashes and the dizziness. The mood swings got better each month until the dose increase. As for the headaches...I don't know. Hang in there. I understand your frustration. I am also in the unexplained group. Baby dust being sent your way!
    Sam_I_am_1976 replied to mullins73's response:
    Thanks for the baby some for u too. I have a couple of days till I find out if this month worked.....crossing my fingers.

    Althou last night I woke in the middle of the night with that feeling right befor my period comes.....but didnt get it in the morning. Hope thats a good sign.

    Whats more depressing is I told my hubby about it and that its not supposed to come till the weekend but was thinking of getting a prego test just in case....and he told me to not waste money cause my period will come anyways. Nice to know even he doesnt have faith in this process.

    And he wonders why I fell more and more depressed as the months go by.

    Well Ill keep u guys posted....good luck everyone.
    An_187897 replied to maragayle's response:
    I completely understand where you are coming from! Everyone around me either has new babies or is currently pregnant and it is so frustrating that it has not happened for me yet. I have been with my husband for almost 13 years, married for 3 and people keep asking us when we are going to have kids and I don't know how to respond since I don't want to have my personal medical issues out there for everyone to know about. I am only 28 so I know I have time....but I am impatient and want NOW to be my time!

    We have been trying for almost 2 years and just did my first month of Clomid in April. The dr. said according to the ultrasound, it looks like I may not have "gotten there" enough to ovulate yet this month....I may have PCOS...or some symptoms of it, but not enough to diagnose as full blown PCOS, I guess. The dr. did say I still may have ovulated, but the follicles seemed to be on the small side. I am also trying to figure out when for sure I should actually be getting my period this month because I am not sure if the dr. plans on me having a 28-30 day cycle? Or if it will still be up to 45 days for my cycle, like it has been in the past? I am currently at day 31 and still no sign of a period coming my way...but being that I am so impatient, I took a test this morning and it was negative. Now I again find myself going through the "why me and why not them-blues"...especially since I have 3 cousins due with babies this summer, 1 friend with an almost one year old who got pregnant the first month off BCPs and another friend who was married 3 months and got pregnant after the 3rd month off BCPs.....I cannot say enough how frustrated I again, I understand where you are coming from!

    Good luck with trying! I will be saying many, many prayers for us all!!
    aabrell responded:
    girl i know how u feel i feel the some way everyone around me is prego and i get so so sad thikingabout how some of thouse people never wanted childern intell the got prego so i know how u feel and our day will come soon hopefully
    Sam_I_am_1976 replied to aabrell's response:
    MAN I HATE MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!! dont get me wrong....I love my mom, but I hate seeing everyone so freaking happy cause they have babies. Its like being single on Valentine's day!

    Just finished my 3rd month of clomid....and like clock work my period started today....UGH! I guess its back to the drawing board...again. Not sure how many more months of clomid I can handle befor I have an emotional break down and end up in some mental hospital or druged up.

    This really sucks. Hope everyone didnt have as bad of a day as I had on mother's day.

    Good luck ya'll
    princessjj05 responded:
    I feel your pain....I work at a high school where teenagers pop out kids like puppies, my brother simply looks at his wife and she is pregnant...being 31 I am freaking out, and beyond frustrated...Im just about to start clomid....after reading your post now I am nervous.....good luck...lets keep in touch
    Sam_I_am_1976 replied to princessjj05's response:
    Good luck.....hopefully Clomid works for u. This month I doubled my clomid from 50 to 100......not sure how long I am going to do this. I feel like I am falling deeper and deeper into depression because every month is a failure. This is month # 3 ? Not sure anymore.

    Good luck to eveyone.

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