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Frustrated with In Laws
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Leah25Brooke2 posted:
For the most part, I get along with my in-laws, except for the fact that my MIL says backhanded rude comments!! Yesterday I told her we were going to try 100mg Clomid (We are friends, though my mother told me I tell her too much - which is probably very true, and I'm going to try and be more private from now on) Anyways, I'm really excited about the 100 mg of clomid thing, so I told my MIL what was up and that we were going to try it. I told her I'm very optimistic because 50mg made me Ovulate and I did acheive a pregnancy with it, so I feel like there is a good chance on 100mg. Well, instead of being happy/supportive - she immediately starts talking about miscarriage. This pisses me off so much. Thats exactly what she did last year when we were pregnant - all she talked about was miscarriage - And I did end up having one, which of course really pissed me off. I know this all stems from concern for her own daughter, my SIL. My SIL is coming up on trying her fourth IVF. She started out with infertility trying for two years, found out she had blocked tubes, cleaned them out, got an ectopic pregnancy, lost both her tubes, had a failed IVF, a m/c at 11 weeks from IVF, and then another failed IVF!! My SIL and I are close and good friends, altough we've gotten closer since she adopted a baby girl in February (her adoption cost was based on income, so they only spent 10,000) Anways my MIL is concerned and thinking that daughters fourth IVF is also going to end in failure, so I guess thats why she's maybe jealous or concerned that I will end up pregnant while her daughter, once again, is unable to acheive pregnancy. I understand that, I really do, but it's frustrating to be on my end , where all I get is negative comments about trying to get pregnant... I guess my own mother is right.. shouldn't tell the in laws so much anyways... darn my big mouth!! It still ticks me off though!
Me(26)DH(28)DD(3) TTC 2nd- 1yr, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, waiting for AF in Sep to start 100mg of Clomid!
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sproutkm responded:
I am sorry you have a negative person in your life, that is the last thing you need being surrounded with the unknowns of infertility. I would just stop telling her and tell people who are going to support you and give you positive thoughts. I too am starting my 100mg of clomid in a fews days, i hope it works this time it was all positive the last round. Good luck to you and your Hubby.
 
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maragayle responded:
I definitely don't blame you for being frustrated! The last thing any of us want to contemplate is finally getting pregnant then miscarrying. For a lot of us, getting pregnant is a really, really hard journey. I can only take one heart ache at a time, I don't know about you! I would definitely distance yourself a bit if possible.

Dealing with inlaws in general can be really frustrating. Add in the complications of infertility, and it can drive you crazy sometimes. My MIL frequently makes DH feel bad about not being able to see her grandson (our nephew who is living with us). Legally, though, he's not allowed to be around my BIL without supervision by the state and she's still letting my BIL live with her. Her making us feel guilty about a problem she's helping to facilitate doesn't really help anyone!

My MIL asks about the infertility thing every now and then. I give her a synopsis and she pretty much leaves it at that. I'm thankful for that. I've found, though, that no one can ever say the right thing. My mom came for a visit. She was remarking how eventually I'll have a little girl of my own who I give birth to. Even that comment made me mad. How can she be so sure? And her believing it seems to add more pressure somehow.
Me 23, DH 25, TTC 2 years,8 rounds Clomid, round four 7.5mg Femara this cycle, test 8/27
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to sproutkm's response:
Yes, it's difficult to deal with anyone who makes you feel worse than you already do! I wish that I could try 100mg clomid with you in a few days! I have to wait until I get AF in september! Ugh! Good luck! You will be finding out when I'm going to be starting my cycle!
Me(26)DH(28)DD(3) TTC 2nd- 1yr, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, waiting for AF in Sep to start 100mg of Clomid!
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to maragayle's response:
Exactly. Why would anyone even THINK of mentioning miscarriage to me? After we've been trying a year and had a m/c nine months ago?? She definitley wouldn't say that to her daughter who is trying IVF!! GGGRRR. But I'm sure you know how I feel! You're right.. distancing myself is defnitley going to happen. When I got pregnant last year, my MIL was mentioning m/c, and my FIL kept asking "are you sure?" - because, get this, HE didn't FEEL like I was pregnant. He says he usually just "knows" when somene is pregnant. Yeah freaking right. It's MY business. Grrrr. crazy ppl!!

I'm sorry about all you have to go through with your in laws about your nephew. Is it pretty hopeful that you will be able to adopt him?

I know what you mean about peoples comments making you upset. If they act like I won't have another one, it pisses me off. If they assume anything else, it also makes me mad. So really, it's a no - win situation!
Me(26)DH(28)DD(3) TTC 2nd- 1yr, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, waiting for AF in Sep to start 100mg of Clomid!
 
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maragayle replied to Leah25Brooke2's response:
People should really just let you vent and keep their mouth completely shut. That's really the only way NOT to offend! I think if we do eventually get a BFP I want to keep it a secret until I'm out of the first trimester. I don't want to deal with people, and I don't think I would want everyone knowing if I happened to m/c. I'd tell my mom and perhaps the inlaws, but no one else really needs to know. Frustrating that we all feel like we have to hide it instead of being able to instantaneously celebrate like a lot of people. I have PCOS, and research shows chances of miscarrying are higher. Ugh. Two years trying, I can't imagine finally getting a BFP only to lose the baby. You're definitely strong for going forward with TTC!

We most likely will adopt. We just need to get through all of the legal hurdles. The state is trying to terminate parental rights right now. After that's done, the rest should be a breeze in comparison.
Me 23, DH 25, TTC 2 years,8 rounds Clomid, round four 7.5mg Femara this cycle, test 8/27
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to maragayle's response:
Yes they should. My in laws are opinionated to say the least. I definitely am going to not tell my in laws when I get my BFP. Im going to wait as long as humanly possible, but they are our only neighbors (we live very rural) and they would be the first ones to notice a bump. So it will depend on if I'm showing or not. But if I could wait unitl the second trimester I'm going to. And I'm going to start off announcing it by saying "Now, we don't want to hear anything negative..." I think I will tell some of my friends when it happens, because they have all been super supportive, and of course my family. I'm very hopeful for something happening this year. She said if 100 mg of clomid doesn't work, she's prescribing Femara. Somethings just got to work.

It sucks that you have had to go through so much just trying to adopt your nephew, but I'm positive it will be absolutley worth it in the end.

I'm sorry you have PCOS. So many women on here do. Plus, you are dealing with primary infertiliy, as opposed to my situation, where I do have a daughter, who is now almost 3.5. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more than I already have. I definitely think going through this, without having her, would be much, much harder.
Me(26)DH(28)DD(3) TTC 2nd- 1yr, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, waiting for AF in Sep to start 100mg of Clomid!
 
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maragayle replied to Leah25Brooke2's response:
I like Femara SO much better. I don't know what you get for side effects, but mine were horrid on Clomid! They're practically non-existent on Femara....much better for sanity.

The PCOS thing was a shock. That diagnosis hit pretty hard. Though, looking back, it made a lot of sense. The RE tends to think we'll conceive eventually. It's the eventually part that's killing me.
Me 23, DH 25, TTC 2 years,8 rounds Clomid, round four 7.5mg Femara this cycle, test 8/27
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to maragayle's response:
Yes.., the waiting sucks. But there's hope for all of us! We just have got to keep hanging in there!
Me(26)DH(28)DD(3) TTC 2nd- 1yr, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, waiting for AF in Sep to start 100mg of Clomid!


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