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Leah25Brooke2 posted:
Hey ladies,

I was just wanting to post a discussion board where anyone/everyone can vent their feelings. Many of you are dealing with primary infertility and that is major. I am struggling with impatience, occassional anger and just plain sick of trying and being disappointed. I am trying to have faith. I'm on my 2ww and wondering, once again for what seems the millioneth time, if I'm pregnant. Every month, I get excited, every month, I get disappointed. My daughter said to me the other day - she asked about a picture of me and my family (there is eight of us kids) she asked " are these your friends?" I said "no, they are my brothers and sisters". She hung her head sadly and said "I have no brothers or sisters... momma, you need to share!" I feel guilty at times that I'm asking for too much, asking for another child and that I should just be grateful for what I have. But I so long for her to be able to experience, at least to some degree, the wonderful joy I've experienced with siblings. How are the rest of you feeling??
Me(26)DH(29)DD(3.5) TTC 2nd- 13 mos, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, on 2WW from Sep cycle of 100mg of Clomid days 3-7.
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roxypam responded:
Oh i'm feeling tired, very tired and wondering if i will ever get pregnant. Just like you i get excited every month during the 2ww, and always get disappointed with AF. I know i took a break this month, but i think some effects of the clomid was left in my body and made me ovulate this month. I had sore boobs until yesterday, and today back to normal. I know my progesterone level dropped, so i know for sure AF will be knocking at my door very soon. I just prayed God to help me not be so moody, angry and just accept it but it is darn hard.
I had 2 baby showers last week and have one coming in November. Why is this so hard?
Me(30) DH(38).TTC 1yr.3mths 1700mg Metformin.2rounds 50mg clomid.Ovulated but all BFN.On a break before seeing RE.
 
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Mrs62610 responded:
I'm so frustrated with TTC and other things that are going on in my life that I don't even know what to say. I have ranted and raved and made DH listen to me gripe about this and that and I don't know what else to say. I think subconsciously I am trying to convince myself that I would be better off without kids, that they are too much work. However, I know I would never be satisfied if we didn't have any, biologically or adopted. I think it's just my defense mode coming into play. (If I tell myself I don't need kids then it's not as dissapointing when I find out I'm not pregnant every month.) Yesterday, I got to hang out with my niece and nephew who are 20 months and 3 months. They reminded me how empty my life would be without my own little ones.
Me-24 DH-37 TTC 1st for 16 months. 3 rounds of Clomid all BFN's. 3rd round of Femara, Ovidrel, and LP Progesterone. Adding IUI this cycle. Blood test 9/18
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to roxypam's response:
We tried naturally six months, and a few of those months I O'd on my own.. but AF always came. It's just so hard - the getting disappointed. I know God has a plan for each of us, but like I was joking last night - if I wasn't happily married with a home and good jobs - and maybe if I lived on welfare, I'd have a bunch of kids. How horrible is that to say?!? I've become rather cynical. I think this is so hard, because what we want is such a good thing. It's such a beautiful thing, and it's hard to understand why it's not happening for us. All I know is we have to have faith and try and put everything in the Lord's hands.. but that's easier said than done.
Me(26)DH(29)DD(3.5) TTC 2nd- 13 mos, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, on 2WW from Sep cycle of 100mg of Clomid days 3-7.
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to Mrs62610's response:
I've done the same thing. I've told myself and DH that we don't need very many kids and that we can just focus on Brooke of course, but when she gets in school I can go back to school, get my Masters, work full time, etc etc... thats me trying to act like these things would take the place of having the family I've always wanted. But they wouldn't. I watched Cheaper by the Dozen the other day with Brooke, and I had to go into the bathroom and just cry. She's only three and she's already aware that she doesn't have any siblings, and it breaks my heart. I grew up in a large family and I always figured we'd be able to have as many children as we wanted (which would be at least 4!!). So seeing a large family, even though it's fiction, just made me sad. I know what you mean about your neices and nephews. I really hope you can figure out what is going on - maybe fixing the thyroid problem will do the trick. I for sure Ovulated this month - so now I'm back to the waiting game - and trying not to get my hopes up, again.
Me(26)DH(29)DD(3.5) TTC 2nd- 13 mos, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, on 2WW from Sep cycle of 100mg of Clomid days 3-7.
 
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sspraglin responded:
I know Im definitely frustrated. Im only on my second round ,waiting for af, just finished the provera sat. Im frustrated that I read all of your posts and I see you talking about iui , and femara , and trigger shots ,metformin, scans etc. I havent had or been offered any of that. It leaves me to wonder if my doc is doing enough or if I should be looking elsewhere. I know that it I did go to another doc , id have to have them request my records ,etc . That kinda makes me feel guilty. Im so confused, and very nervous about the 100 of clomid . I didnt get side effects until after and they all matched pregnancy side effects, how unfair is that .
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to sspraglin's response:
It's cruel what the symptoms can make you think. I'm having some symptoms on my 2ww but I'm trying not to read into them. AF symptoms, as well as symptoms that Clomid can give you, are all similar to pregnancy symptoms. Now, the only symptom I'm going to read into is if I'm actually throwing up or something! haha. Don't feel guilty about taking charge of your own life - and your fertility. If you have PCOS and haven't even been offered Metformin, I would definitely inquire as to why you haven't been prescribed that - if they don't have a good answer, switch providers. Don't feel bad about it either. Are you seeing an OB or a infertility specialist or reproductive endocrinologist (RE)?
Me(26)DH(29)DD(3.5) TTC 2nd- 13 mos, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, on 2WW from Sep cycle of 100mg of Clomid days 3-7.
 
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Mrs62610 replied to Leah25Brooke2's response:
I saw that you are one of eight! I am one of six. I know what it's like having lots of brothers and sisters and I told DH I would never want just one child, I would want them to have the experience I had. DH says he would be happy with 2-3 kids and I would like 3-4. If it takes this long to get each child it will be a very long road and I may decide to stop at 2. Who knows, sorry I'm rambling. I'll stop now Lol
Me-24 DH-37 TTC 1st for 16 months. 3 rounds of Clomid all BFN's. 3rd round of Femara, Ovidrel, and LP Progesterone. Adding IUI this cycle. Blood test 9/18
 
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maragayle replied to Mrs62610's response:
I have 3 siblings. Even that seemed like a full house growing up! DH only wants 2. I told him he best have a talk with his swimmers then because I want a little girl, and our nephew counts as #1. If our first biological child was a girl, I'd consider stopping at 2, but if we have another boy, he's not going to have a choice in the matter. We'll try at least once more. He's been warned. I told him I refuse to go on b/c, especially since my body's so messed up as it is.

I definitely don't want an only child. If we have to, we'll adopt the rest of our children. I absolutely love having my sisters and brother. Had you asked me in childhood, I may have said differently, but I'm very glad my parents decided to have all four of us. One way or another, DS will have a sibling!
Me 23, DH 25, TTC 2 years,8 rounds Clomid, round four 7.5mg Femara this cycle, test 8/27
 
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att76 replied to Mrs62610's response:
It is funny that big families still do exist! I am the youngest of seven and refuse to have an only child. I have a child theory...here is goes...you can't have one because you can't have an only child...you can't have only 2 because what is something happens to one of them, then you have an only child again...can't have just 3 because then you have a middle child...so I guess 4 would be perfect! Unfortunently that is probably not going to happen here!

I agree with everything all the ladies here have said! It is truely frustrating to get the hopes up to only have them dashed at the end of the month. Leah... I too have said that everything happens for a reason and all will come when it is suppose to come...I am a FIRM believer of that. I just can't seem to make myself KEEP believing that! I am just tired of being disappointed each and every month! I don't know if I should throw in the towel or just keep going. I keep going hoping "this is the month" because when I look into the future there are always kids in that picture.
Me(36), DH(37), TTC 20 months,3 rounds clomid, 3 IUIs with HCG trigger/clomid all BFNs, now trying naturally
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to att76's response:
Oh wow! We all come from big families! That's so awesome! I'm so glad you guys understand where I am coming from. I actually feared a little bit that maybe you guys wouldn't understand, since I already had a child, the desperate desire to have another one. But once again, you guys get it! It would be horrible to me if she was an only child. I absolutley love my family, and I desperately want her to experience having at least one sibling, but I'd be much happier if the number as at least two siblings, hoping for three!

I seriously, honestly believe we will all get children. I just have to believe that because to me, family is the most important thing in life, and God surely has a plan for each of us to have a family that contains children. Whether adopted or biological.

ATT, I do believe that everything happens when it's suppose to happen - but yes, it has gotten hard to keep believing when I get so sure that "this is the month!" And then... I'm completely wrong.
Me(26)DH(29)DD(3.5) TTC 2nd- 13 mos, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, on 2WW from Sep cycle of 100mg of Clomid days 3-7.
 
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att76 replied to Leah25Brooke2's response:
We get it!!!! It is awesome to have women who DO truely "get it"!! I am with you on the everything happens for a reason!! Let's keep believing...we can support eachother in that belief!!
Me(36), DH(37), TTC 20 months,3 rounds clomid, 3 IUIs with HCG trigger/clomid all BFNs, now trying naturally
 
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maragayle replied to att76's response:
I'm with you ladies. It's getting hard to believe that there's ever going to be an end to this process! I was making a list for myself of things to pick up on my lunch break this morning. Top of the list was pregnancy tests. I wonder how much money I've sunk into those darn tests, only to have them come up negative. Something tells me I don't want to know. By the point it's probably somewhere close to a mortgage payment!
Me 23, DH 25, TTC 2 years,8 rounds Clomid, round four 7.5mg Femara this cycle, test 8/27
 
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Leah25Brooke2 replied to maragayle's response:
Oh my goodness! I am an obsessive tester! I test all the time I just love peeing on sticks apparently and yes.. I would probably be astounded if I knew how much money I had wasted on them! I've gotten better about not testing so much.. but last year.. man.. seems like all I did was pee on sticks! haha
Me(26)DH(29)DD(3.5) TTC 2nd- 13 mos, 1st round of clomid 50mg - BFN, 2nd - MC, 3rd- BFN. Been trying naturally 6mos, on 2WW from Sep cycle of 100mg of Clomid days 3-7.
 
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att76 replied to maragayle's response:
I don't buy ovulation or pregnancy tests too often, but would love to know how many cars or houses I have bought with all the doctor bills I have had in the last 2 years!! I think I would seriously be shocked!!!
Me(36), DH(37), TTC 20 months,3 rounds clomid, 3 IUIs with HCG trigger/clomid all BFNs, now trying naturally


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