Got BFN today.This was my 3rd IUI.
I am trying to convince my self and change myself but could not do so.I feel guilty of my feelings (when i feel bad on seeing pregnant women) More than that even when some one says they are pregnant i take it as bad news.(same time happy for them)I hate this mentality of mine and i am not like this before ttc.If some one has good job or some thing i never felt bad about it but i worked hard and got everything i wished and succeded .But only in the case of pregnancy even i worked hard i failed.
Though i know no matter what happens we should not loose hope still when i see that single line my hope breaks in to pieces(particularly in medicated cycles) and it takes time till mid cycle to build up.It has become routine every month.I feel if we face same problem again and again the intensity of pain reduces(as it becomes habit) but this is not happening here..i am seeing BFN for years now but i feel more or equal grief each month.
Also i feel all these ovulation medicines are getting me new problems(many times hormonal).Ofcourse they have positive side too but are working their part but not getting desired results.I think i need some break now from all these things(specially from ovulation medicines)atleast till next year.Not ready for IVF.Prefer IUI again when i start again next year.
If wishes help i wish all of us Baby Dust.