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I don't know how to feel?
Tinabear35 posted:
My father had his Gallbadder out 7 months ago, the doctor found spots on his liver, and wanted to run more test. my mother and dad went to have his follow up and told dad he needed a colon test, i know the doctor told him they thought they found cancer but i really don't think he understood everything the doctor was saying. (my dad is very stubburn when it comes to doctors.)
after all this time with asking mom why dad looks so bad (all this time she said he just wasn't hungry and is tried and its his sugar)
after yelling and doing alot of crying- my mom told us 7 months ago the doctor (only told mom) dad has 5 spots on his liver, several spots on his lungs and colon cancer- stage 4. my mom has decided not to tell him. (or use kids) im soooo upset, why would she do that? what if 7 months ago he could have had treatment? Isn't it wrong for a Doctor to tell the wife and not my father? Now im going home tomorrow and she said if i start crying or acting different i shouldnt come. OH MY GOD. she said if me or my sister tell him, she will disown us, and leave without telling anyone where she is going. someone tell me what and how i should feel?
brunosbud responded:
What's done is done. It cannot be undone...

That's not to say you're not justified in feeling the way you do... But, by bringing anger, resentment and bad feelings to your mother and father's home, what exactly do you hope to accomplish? Who benefits?

My mother told me a long time ago, "Anger is the most greedy and self indulgent of emotions...If you meet someone (you like) who shows anger, often, run the other way."

I did. I, still, do...

Let it go. Move on.
Viveahora responded:
First and foremost, due to the HIPPA Privacy Act, your father's doctor is obligated to tell the patient of their medical diagnoses and lab results, not the spouse or children, unless the patient is medically incapacitated and unable to make medical decisions on their own. Your mother may feel, she is sparing your father from grief or even fear. This is not going to change his prognosis, nor the complications that will arise from not getting any treatment. It could be your father's choice as to what he wants the family to know and he may feel he has lived his life and does not want to undergo any treatments and does not want the family to interfere with his and your mom's decisions. Despite how much you love your parents and want them around, it is ultimately their choice as to how they want to live the rest of their lives and the quality of life they want to endure during the last days of their lives. I am sure, they may have discussed their options with their doctor. All you can do is spend as much quality time with him, support your mother and tell them how much you love them, appreciate them and will be there for them, no matter what they decide. It's hard, but you need to be strong for them, so that they can lean on you for comfort and support, when they could no longer be that for you. I hope all things work out for you and your family. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
sad65 responded:
was 34 diagnoist with colon cancer its not easy to deal with depending on age sometimes is the factor if there is help that he can get i know its hard trust me i was supposed to have a reversal done now there telling me i may have to keep the ostomy bag forever. just be strong as you can. and i understand you being mad bout not being told.

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