Coping with Pregnancy Loss Community

I had an emergency c section at 27 weeks and 6 days, due to hellp syndrome, severe preeclampsia, and my liver was about to rupture. I had a baby boy, he was 1 pd 12 ounces, and doing great. He was breathing on his own. Then on the 3rd day, I was pumping my breasts, we got the news that he wasn't doing well. He had a massive brain bleed. They said they could keep him alive for a few hours, but he was in pain. We made the decision to take his tube out. He died in my arms, with my husband holding him too. I went to a mfm specialist, and i have antiphospholipid antibody syndrome, so my next pregnancy i will be on lovinox the whole time. He told me to wait 3 to 6 months. So i worked on my mental state, going to support groups, reading grieving books, writing in my journal, lost all my weight. I felt a little better, but i needed to be pregnant. after i lost my son on 3/29/11 i am so lonely, so empty. so 4 and a half mths later tried again, and got pregnant first try. We were happy. Went to do the us at 5 wks. Did not look right. Told me I would miscarry. Got my levels checked for weeks, and did us. Finally they told me it is a missed miscarriage. I choose to wait to try to have natural without suction D & C. At 9 weeks i miscarried. Everything passed. I miss my baby even more now. My Dr. told me to wait 3 mths, but i don't no if i can. Any advice? Or anybody going through something similar?