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    wishful thinking
    hopefulalice posted:
    I just got married about three months ago. A few weeks ago I started feeling signs of a pregnancy. I was about ready to make a dr. appointment to confirm my suspicions (I wanted to wait until I was very sure because my husband recently lost his job and we don't have money). Five days ago I started bleeding and cramping very badly. I stayed on the couch all day because of the pain. The next day, after I realized that this couldn't be normal, I lay on the couch all day crying. I haven't gone to the dr... and don't plan to because of money, but I am sure that my baby is gone. All signs of the pregnancy are gone too. I think I would have been about 6 weeks along.

    I feel like I have no one to talk to. I had only told my husband, mother, and mother-in-law my about it. They felt bad for me... but have pretty much put the matter out of their minds now. I have no friends who would understand because I'm only 19 and the first of my friends to get married.

    My sister and sister-in-law are both pregnant right now... due within a couple weeks of each other. My baby would have been only about a month behind them. It just seemed so perfect and I was so excited to start my family. I want to try again. My mother told me we should wait until we are more financially secure... which could take a year or two. I don't want to wait that long! Thoughts? Experiences? Advice?
    jenkoelenko responded:
    I'm so sorry for your loss! No matter how far along you are, it doesn't make the hurt any less... I'm so sorry that you feel that everyone you've told has just put it out of their minds (we don't quite that easily by far...), that just makes it all the harder. Don't hold in your grieving, its okay to cry, scream, talk about it, whatever helps you in your own way. Grieving is not the same for everyone... It may be that your hubby is just grieving in his own way, don't be afraid to talk to him about your feelings. You both created and lost this amazing miracle. You are supposed to be there for each other and lift each other up. Just be careful not to take out your feelings on him, express them TO him for sure, but not take out your anger or frustration out on him; that won't help either of you.
    As far as advice, if everyone waited until they had the money, house, cars, perfect job, etc... where would we be? In my own experience, you can't wait until life is perfect in order to do things and really LIVE your life... otherwise you may end up looking back with a lot of unlived and empty moments. Cry when you feel like it, and don't bottle your feelings. Laugh when you feel like it - it'll make the world of difference. It hurts and it will for a while, but it will get better.
    Most importantly: Do what feels right to you. No one else can tell you how to live your life. I hope that this helps you. Take the advice that works for you and just disregard the rest. I wish you the best with your healing journey. And regardless of if others will listen to you or not, we are always here for you with a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a heart that loves.
    britt200408 responded:
    I am so sorry...I just found out today that I lost my baby at 6 weeks as well. I was supposed to be 10 weeks today, but the dr called and said the ultrasound showed no heartbeat and no development past 6 weeks. I have a D&C on Monday.

    My sister and sister in law are also pregnant! My sister in law is due the end of March and my sister is due 2 days before when I was due. My mom was so excited that she was getting 2 grandbabies within a few days of each other, and I was excited to have my sister to go through this with. This was my second pregnancy, her first, so I was looking forward to giving her advice and reassurance. I know I can still do that, though.

    I don't have any advice for you. All I am doing is trying to be honest with myself about my feelings, remain hopeful for the future, and cherish my husband and son that are wonderful blessings in my life.
    strouts08 responded:
    I'm new to this dicussion thing, it has been a year since my m/c.

    I'm sorry for your loss, my husband and I were pregnant with our second child a year ago September. We were really excited because so many people around us were pregnant too. My cousin and I were a week apart, I had a couple of friends who were two weeks ahead of me, and a friend from work was pregnant as well.

    We had an ultra sound at 6 weeks because I was spotting, everything was fine at that time, we seen a heart beat and got a picture (of course there wasn't much there).

    I continued to spot which made me very nervous, because I had no issues with my first pregnancy. I watched what I did, stopped doing laundry and staying on my feet for a long time. Two weeks later my spotting turned brown and then bright pink, my doctor wanted an ultra sound right away. I went in with my friend (my husband was at work), I didn't think anything was going to be wrong. The tech kept looking for a heart beat and nothing was there. The baby was supposed to be about eight and a half weeks along but was only showing to be about six and a half.

    We lost them a few days after our first ultra sound. I say them because after the D&C, the doctor found out I had a partial molar pregnancy. In a nut shell, this means that the pregnancy started off as twins but one egg went bad and took over the pregnancy. A full molar pregnancy is when you have a fertilized egg with everything except baby. The doctor informed us that we couldn't get pregnant for six months after the m/c, if we did, my body would basically become an home for cancer. This was a low blow for me, I didn't want my children to be far apart in age, our son will be 4 in Feb and we still have not been able to get pregnant. Each month I get my cycle I cry, it's really hard trying to get pregnant when we didn't even have to try for our son.

    I know it's hard dealing with the loss of a baby no matter how far along you are. The only advice I think I can give you is to just put it in Gods hands, I'm not sure what else to say. The year we had our m/c, it ended up being a very stressful year for us. My husband was in and out of jobs because of the economy falling (he works on cars for a living) and the job I was at was becoming very frustrating from the teacher I worked with. As sad as the loss was, God knew what He was doing as always.

    I wish you the best of luck in getting pregnant, the time will come when it's right. Waiting sucks, I know, but it will happen.

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