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Loss of Triplets
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ipawa posted:
I am 23 years old and I lost my triplets 3 days ago at 20 weeks 2days. I found out I was carrying triplets at 16 weeks and the doctor put me on immediate bed rest because my body was so small. I was underweight when I got pregnant and I hardly gained any weight, but the babies seemed to be growing well and they couldn't see anything wrong with them. But then I started having contractions around 6pm and I rushed to the hospital. The doctor couldn't see anything wrong, but they gave me medication to stop the contractions and ordered that I stay in bed and rest. The next morning I could feel that nothing had changed and the contractions felt like they got worse. I got pain killers and more medication but they just got worse and worse. My cervix opened and before 3pm that day, my boys we born. My water hadn't even broken, they just came out no matter how hard I tried to keep them in. They moved for a few seconds and then just died. It was horrible looking at my babies pass away in my hands, and feeling so helpless. I blame myself, thinking if I had just kept them in despite the contractions then maybe we could have stretched to a more viable gestation period. I don't know what to do to help me cope with the loss. I was sent home the next day, back to the bed I lay in for four weeks in the hope of keeping my babies safe.

People keep telling me not to cry but it seems like its all I can do. Sometimes I feel like I can still feel them kicking inside, and then I touch my belly and I feel how flat and empty it now is. Every time I wake up I am disappointed to see that I am still alive and with no babies. My boyfriend seems to be doing better than I am and that makes me feel even worse, like I am all alone.

For those who lost their fetuses so early, how did you cope? Does it really get better? Does a therapist help? Is there anyone who was/is in the same situation I am in who I can talk to privately?
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mochabanana responded:
Ipawa,

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. You are not alone. I wasn't as far along as you, and I didn't have triples, I had twins. Well conjoined twins. Found out around week 9, lost them at week 12. Went through 3 ultrasounds (2 very intensive ones). And all I could hope for was that by some miracle they would split apart, but they didn't.

It is very normal to be emotional. Your body is going through a lot of hormonal changes, and then you are dealing with the loss which is emotionally draining in its self. You need to grieve. As long as you are not hurting yourself or planning to hurt yourself then crying, feeling depressed and all that is normal.

And don't feel bad about your boyfriend appearing to be doing better than you. He is just trying to hold it together, and mainly for you. My husband did the same thing. Was very calm, stayed upbeat, handled all the stuff with the hospital and funeral home (we had our girls cremated and put in a little urn), he was a rock. And then about two months later when I was starting to find my normal again, he had a break down. Men take it differently anyway, but they will try to act like it's all ok, even when they are really hurting on the inside. So don't think for a minute that he is not hurting too.

As far as it getting better, for me I had to deal with the guilt of feeling like I should have done this or that, or if I wouldn't have done this then they wouldn't have turned out conjoined. But it is a long process (been 7 months for me). Just have to take it one day at a time.

If you want someone to talk to you can email me: mochabanana04@yahoo.com. I would say call me but I'm a bit leery of putting my number on the message board, but could give it to you in a private email. My name is Anna by the way.
 
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jenkoelenko responded:
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Ipawa, and for the pain you're feeling right now. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a tramatic experience. It wasn't very long ago that I lost my own baby. I was at 10 weeks when I found out I wasn't carrying anymore. I had a "missed misscarriage" where I went in to my reg. OB appt at 10 weeks and my doctor found my sac at a 10 week size, but absolutely no baby anymore. No matter how far along we are, we, as women, feel the loss of our children very severely... I haven't gone through the same situation, but Please Please PLEASE don't blame yourself! You did EVERYthing you could for your babies. You were a GREAT mother to your children. You cared for them and loved them through their whole lives. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I hope you can take comfort in them. There was a poem that I found on here that touched me. I hope it can help you in some small way:
http://forums.webmd.com/3/coping-with-pregnancy-loss-exchange/forum/686
As far as healing, it does take time. A lot longer than what we'd probably like... Every woman heals and grieves differently. I would suggest NOT holding your emotions in (I tried that for a little while and it REALLY backfired on me...) There will be good days and bad days, but you have to remember to get up, get dressed, and live. Dealing with all of the emotions will get better with time. As for your boyfriend, he may be feeling the lose differently than you. My husband has not really shown any emotion since we lost our's. I would still suggest talking with him about your feelings, help each other through this! If you feel it may help you, go and talk with a therapist, especially if you get to feeling a lingering depression. I know that therapy has helped MANY women, so don't feel embarrassed or weak. Do what you need to do, wether that be crying, laughing, screaming, or talking with someone until you're hoarse. If you want someone to talk to, I'd be happy to. You can email me at jenkoelenko at gmail dot com.
 
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jaccy501 responded:
I lost my baby girl @ 22weeks in April last year. i couldnt help but to cry all week. its very difficult loosing a baby. my dear have my sympathy. i have been trying since then but i know our GOD will SURELY give back what belong to us all. BABY DUST TO EVERYBODY
 
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jent82 responded:
I am so sorry for your loss. I have some idea of what you are going thorugh. I lost my baby girl about 6 weeks ago. I was 24 weeks and went into early labor. Unfortunately there was nothing they could do to stop it. My water had broken by the time I got to the hospital, and less than an hour later, I delivered my baby girl. Two hours after that, she passed away.
I also could feel those phantom kicks for awhile, and please know that it is ok to cry. Don't hold your emotions back. know that you are not alone, and though I only lost one baby, I know what you are going thorugh.
You will have your good days and bad days. Accept the emotions of the day and get through each day the best you can.


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