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kai2009 posted:
Hi ladies my name is kailah i recently found out i was pregnant on 12/29 and sunday 01/01 my very excited new journey in life came to a fast end, just like the rest of you im sure none of us wanted to be on this board! Im not to sure how to feel right now im disapointed in myseld kinda feel like what did i do wrong like im less of a woman now. DH is trying to be supportive but doesnt exactly know what to say or do. So im just looking for advice and just someone to talk to!
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birdgirl2012 responded:
Kailah I feel your pain and disappointment I found out I was pregnant on the 21st and got my sad news confirmed on new years day as well. I have been a wreck since. My poor husband is at a loss. I spoke with my nurse practitioner and a friend who lost a pregnancy they both say feeling sad is normal and that I will go through the grieving process. My nurse practitioner said that even though I didn't lose someone I have known for years it is still a large loss and something that I wanted so feeling sad and crying is normal. Especially when you add to the grieving the hormonal changes. I have taken some time off of work and spent today walking in a park and then relaxing in the tub. It seems to be helping. I certainly have my momments. Talking to my girlfriend that has children has been helpful since she can understand my sadness more than my husband can. My pregnancy had not started to feel real to him.
 
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RoseLynn02 responded:
Hi ladies. I'm sorry to see you here & have you added to our community, but I'm glad you came somewhere to get the support you need from other women who have or are experiencing the same thing. I'm very sorry about both of your losses....I lost mine almost 9yrs ago at 8wks gestation exactly. I was 17....I now have 2 beautiful little girls ages 3 & 1/2yrs & 1yr old. I came to realize much later that it happened to me for a reason. I was too young, all alone, & with the way wrong guy....Now I'm married to a wonderful man. When the time was right for me it happened.

You should grieve your losses. It's healthy for you & it will help you move on in time. You will never forget & shouldn't, but will learn to except it in time. Key word...in time....it all takes time.

It's hard for the men in our lives to understand what we are going through. They have no idea what it's like to have a little life inside of them & that in turn just makes it way different for them. In some way They are grieving your loss too, although I imagine it's much more confusing for them to figure out how they should feel or how they should react. Right now it's important to be patient & communicate ( an option I didn't have, I was alone) & it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.

Birdgirl2012, I'm glad you are finding comfort in a close friend & finding time to yourself for peace, quite, reflection, ect. It's good you're finding healthy ways to cope.

I'm so sorry to both of you that you had to start the new year in such a negative way....I know it doesn't help, but now you both have little angels watching over you & yes it is a tremendous loss even though your pregnancies were brief. My heart goes out to you both.
 
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britt200408 responded:
I am so sorry about the losses we have all experienced. I just wanted to give you some encouragement. I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child on Oct 1 and then the doctor called me on Nov 11 and said the ultrasound earlier that week showed no heartbeat. I should have been almost 10 weeks but measured around 6 weeks. I had a D&C on Nov 14. For the next two weeks, I did not get out of bed, cried a lot, didn't really eat or take care of myself and was only barely able to take care of my 3 year old. I was just depressed. Slowly, it got better. It has only been 2 months, but I feel like it happened so long ago. I still have emotional days, but it's easier to get through those days and focus on what I have.

Because it happened so early, I didn't have any physical signs of pregnancy yet. This made it more confusing for DH and just made me feel crazy for being so emotional. I just wanted to say it does get better,a little at a time. Don't fight your emotions, you have to just ride the roller coaster.
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to britt200408's response:
I totally agree with your last statement. It seems to make it 100 times worse if you try to pretend you feel a way you don't. I lost my baby 9yrs ago...I was 17...hard to imagine now that I would have an 8yr old & only be 26. I have a 3yr old daughter & a 1 yr old daughter now....so I figure it happened for a reason, I wasn't ready & when I was I got my daughters. I think I've seen you in the parenting 3yr olds community. I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss, but as the yrs go by it gets better. I still think about my angel & even sometimes cry....but ok now & my angel is there to watch over me & it's sisters.


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