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unexplained loss
kg217 posted:
iam 21 i lost my daughter on november 7,2012 due to a placental abruption at 7 months. i was hurt and couldnt understand why this happened alot of ppl who havent been thru it say everything happens for a reason but i dnt wanna hear dat because i did everything during my pregnancy doctors said it just happened all my blood work came back ok no health problems iam terrified of getting pregnant again.i get angry because i see alot of gurls gettin abortions and really dnt realize its a blessing
An_240941 responded:
You are young & it isn't your fault this happened. It will get better in time & you will always be able to try again & everything does happen for a reason. I know you don't want to hear it, but these things are true. Now you have a little angel watching over you. Just give yourself will be ok, but it takes time. I lost my baby going on 9yrs ago now. It hurts still sometimes, I still think about it, I still cry sometimes; but at the same time I know the reasons it happened to me now & it was meant to be that way. I have 2 little girls now & I'm happily married & I love my life, but I will never forget the one I lost & I don't want to. It will make you stronger in time & it will make you appreciate it even more when you do have a successful pregnancy.

I understand your anger towards girls having abortions, but some girls do it for good reasons, not selfish ones. You just don't know until you're in their shoes. I'm not perfect, but I try not to judge...I have friends you have had abortions & cousins who shouldn't have had kids (& had those kids taken away & put into the system).

Pregnancy & child birth is a blessing. You got to experience a love some women never get to, some can't even conceive to begin with. Some loose their babies earlier, some right after or shortly after birth, some at young ages & some as teens & so on. But you had that love for 7months & it will be in your heart for ever. Cherish that because it's your gift, what you have left & later when you have a healthy baby that love will grow stronger. Trust me, as I sit here crying as I type, Love hurts, but cherish it. I hope I have touched you today & that you start to heal your heart.
alaska_mommy responded:
How awful to lose a baby at 7 months along. Almost to the finish line, only to have her die. So, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks along and even that is hard, but can't imagine walking in your shoes.
Some people say trite remarks because they don't know what else to say and they're trying to comfort you. But I understand, sometimes you don't want to be just want someone to listen while you talk about it. Some things we just can't explain. Maybe if you did some more research on causes of placental abruption it might give you some answers.
Take plenty of time to mourn this little one before you feel you need to try again, and don't feel you need to try right away. Wait until you feel emotionally ready and physically ready. The fear may not completely go away (about getting pregnant again) but every day that passes will bring you closer to emotional healing. I might suggest counseling for you---I am going to do that myself after just a short time pregnant/miscarriage.
Doing things to honor the little one that passed can help, like planting a tree in her honor or letting go a balloon with a message to her or writing her letters. Keeping her things in a memory box to pull out and look at when you're sad. Wearing a little bracelet with her name on it. Things like that may help you to make this a part of you and learn how to move beyond your grief in time. I hope you can find healing and peace.

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