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please help. friend had a m/c
mommyin2011 posted:
back info:
a good friend of mine had IVF done. She was implanted with 3 eggs. 2 survived. She started bleeding around 6 wks. she foes in for u/s 2x a wk. she has a blood clot and she is bleeding and passing clots. her last u/s on 2/22, she found out that baby B died. the baby was pushed off the wall by the clot. Baby A is still ok.

Im going to see her after work and I just want to know what I should say / do to her. I was in tears when she told me. and I just don't know how to act in front of her. I don't want to only talk about her loss, but is that what I should do? I'm 19 wks preg right now, and I feel bad going to see her with my big belly showing..even though she still has Baby A, I feel guilty for having a healthy pregnancy.

I just want her to know I care and I just want to say the right thing and not upset her even more...please help me know what to say to someone that has had a m/c. sorry for sound ignorant, but I just never had to face such a tragedy before.

Thank you.
jenkoelenko responded:
Thanks for caring about you friend so much, she really needs it right now, and as a woman who's had a m/c, we appreciate having friends like you. I would ask her "Would you like to talk about it?" To be honest, she may not want to talk about it with someone who's not had a loss... Regardless of if she wants to talk about it then, or not, let her know that you are always there for her, you have an ear to listen, love to share, and a shoulder to cry on: all of which are available for her ANYtime. She may not take you up on your offer, but it will mean the world to her. After my m/c, one of the things that stuck with me was when one of my friends said, I'm here for you whenever you want. If you want to talk about it or just cry, call me and we'll get together and have ice cream and do whatever you need.
Also, don't feel guilty about having a healthy pregnancy, after some time she will be sad that she lost one of her little ones, but she will be happy and grateful that you are having/had a healthy pregnancy and happy baby. I know this because my sister found out she was prego the day after I m/c'ed. Let me know if I can help you any more
mommyin2011 replied to jenkoelenko's response:
Thank you very much for replying and I am sorry for your loss. I just didn't want to be the one who brings it up and getting her upset. I will let her know I am here for her day and night. I really hope she already knows that. But I know to hear it and to assume are way 2 different things!
Thank you for making me feel better about being pregnant. My biggest worry is she will look at me and 'hate' that everything is going well for my pregnancy. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me.
Have a good weekend!

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