Coping with Pregnancy Loss Community

I have been there. When I got preggers with our first, I had one spot of blood around 7 weeks along. The dr wanted to do an u/s just to make sure everything was ok and there wasn't much too see. Just a sac I guess. So they to thought maybe the dates were off and since you really can't see much before 6 weeks along maybe I wasn't that far along. This was the thursday before thanksgiving. I was to come back in a week later to check again (aka thanksgiving). I was going home so it was either to be the wednesday before or the following monday. I couldn't go through the holiday with all the family not knowing so we did the wednesday. They confirmed a miscarriage. I didn't get a d&c till the monday after so the holidays were still hard but I knew. It was very hard to take. I already needed meds to get preggers and here I was m/c.

I know things are tough and it is hard to take but I recommend you send positive, healing vibes to your little one. Stress can only make it worse and yes I know how hard it is to not stress over it. And it will take time for things to get back to normal not matter what the outcome of your next u/s. I am here if you want to talk!! This is never an easy topic.

My prayers for you and your little one!!!

Please keep me posted and again if you want to talk!!

Thank you for your response. I should just be thankful for the two healthy children that I have at the moment. But seems like no matter how many kids you have, it doesn't make it any easier.

I am debating calling the dr. on call this weekend to see if i can get things moving and get things confirmed and taken care of today, just seems so unfair and tortorous to have me wait this out until Thursday when deep down I know what the outcome is. It's just so unfair to drag this out just to go in Thursday so see no HB. I just want to get things back to normal and then maybe try again in a few months once I feel back to normal.

I called my own dr on Friday and they never even had the decency to call me back. Nothing like feeling unimportant to them now that I'm not really "pregnant" anymore.

Is it normal to feel so sad, empty, loneyl and also somewhat embarassed to face people? I just prefer to be alone, don't want to be around anyone besides my husband and kids. How long will this feeling last?

It's different for everyone. What's most important is for you to allow yourself to feel what you feel, discuss it with your husband if you can just to get it out, & be careful to watch for any signs that your depression is slipping into a dangerous place. When I lost my baby I was only 17, so I went to a real dark place & I locked myself in my room for 4months mostly sleeping & only came out to to get some food & go back to my room with it where more often than not I didn't eat it. Your feelings right now are normal, but you shouldn't be embarrassed...it's not your fault. Give yourself time to heal from this pain... it isn't easy but you will be ok in time, after all now you have a little angel watching over. ((hugs))

Yes it is normal. You are going through something that many people don't know about and it isn't something you want to tell everyone about. Plus you probably feel inadequate in a way since you couldn't carry to term....but you shouldn't!!! It isn't your fault. Sometimes the cell just don't form they way they should. I know you want to rush it but just to be sure they want a week in between to actually compare. Did they do bloodwork to see what your hcg is doing? If they did then you may just be able to do bloodwork and see what your hcg is doing. If it is doubling then things are still good and if it isn't or it is going down then they know it is a early m/c.

On top of everything (unknown) going on right now, it is a loss of a little miracle. Some people don't believe that a baby is a person till born but to us mothers it is different. There is nothing we could do, no way to save them. We feel helpless to the situation. And many don't ever know it happened (which makes it hard) and don't know what it is like.

When I experienced my loss, like I said it was right before Thanksgiving. I went home, not only to spend the holiday with my immediate family but the whole extended family too. And with it at my parents house, I had no where to "hide". No one to tell and no one to feel what I was feeling. I had a little bundle that I could never hold or see smile or hear cry and no one new. I had to put on a brave face and face it all (including the updates of 4 new babies joining the family right about the same time my bundle was to be here. It is a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone!!

Go through the grieving process. Everyone is different. I cried and shared with those close to me, and on here. I healed quickly on the outside, the d&c was short and not painful. Bleeding was heavier than normal (probably close to the same after delivering although I had two c-sections for my kids so I don't think it was as heavy as a natural delivery). My dr had me wait 3 months to try again to make sure all was healed internally and emotionally we were ready. I still think about my two angels, the sadness comes and goes depending on who I am talking with or reading. Talk to your husband about how you are feeling. He may not seem or even feel so empty because sometimes pregnancy isn't "real" for the man till he can see your belly growing, hear the heartbeat or even till he feels the kicks. But it is important to share. It will help you both cope and understand how you both feel and begin to heal.

My prayers are with you and your family!!

(((((HUGS)))))

Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot. It feels good to know I'm not alone in what I'm feeling and that it's normal.

I was able to get my U/S date moved up to tomorrow so I will have the U/S done to confirm as well as some blood work, not sure if they will send me in for a D&C right from there or wait for things to happen on it's own but I really hope I get the option because I dont think I'm ready to have things happen on it's own and seeing what comes out. I think either option is quite frightening! to be honest, dreading every single minute and every single second of all of this!!!

My dr wanted to do a D&C with mine so she could test to make sure there were no abnormalities with the tissue that could either cause harm to me not only at the time of the m/c but also with future attempts or if there was a problem that we could correct for future pregnancies. I had my d&c 5 days after my second u/s (but that is mainly because of thanksgiving). I think it may depend on what they see on the u/s and what your numbers are at.

Did they do blood work before when you went in? Have you ever had any problems with progesterone levels? I heard of someone else who had slow progression due to low progesterone and had to take supplements during the beginning of the pregnancy. The d&c was a quick out patient procedure. I was in recovery for an hour (where they just monitored me waking up and gave me some meds because I got a little nauseous. I think with in an hour after leaving recovery I went home. I was bleeding (a little heavier than a normal period) right off and it lasted about 10 days I think. Some women have light bleeding for a few days and then it goes heavy. I had a little bit of cramping but nothing worse than AF. The worst part for me (besides the whole situation) was the sputs of heavy flow (felt like a faucet was turned on and would nearly over flow that pad) although since having my kids I now have a day or two of AF with heavy spurts like that.

Just take a deep breath and relax. Things may change tomorrow. Is your DH going with you? Or someone just in case things turn out to be harder on you than you think? Make sure you talk to your dr and voice any and all concerns. See if they will not only test hcg but also progesterone and see if that could have been an issue. It is a weight lifted once you know for sure what is happening but not necessarily any easier even if you are expecting it. You are in my prayers!! What time tomorrow is your u/s?

How are you doing?? What did they find out?? Do you need to talk?

They confirmed no HB which I was already suspecting. Having this week to let things sink in had helped a little. I have a D&C scheduled tomorrow at 4pm so no food or water past midnight tonight. Going to be a long day. I'm so worried about being the procedure and being out to sleep !!!!

I am so sorry to hear. I was so hoping it would have gone the other way for you. The D&C is a very short simple procedure. They gave me a shot right before wheeling me to OR and I only remember a little bit of stuff that went on when I got in there (moving me to the table and a little bit of them talking but it was pretty fuzzy). Recovery for an hour to wake up (I got a bit emotional there especially since it was just me and the nurse). Short time in a room before going home. I felt a bit better after the d&c with all of it just because it was "done". It still took a bit emotionally to deal but again stay open with your dh. Take some time to heal both physically and emotionally. If you feel depression setting in, please don't be embarrassed to seek help. There is no timeline for this situation. We are hear for you but sometimes friends are not enough.

Have you ever been put under for surgery before? I have now three times. My wisdom teeth removed, d&c and gall bladder out after having DS. I don't seem to have much problems with it, just a little nausea when waking up.

Are they doing any testing to see why?

So I had the D&C and it was so quick and so painless. The anesthesilogist was the same one that gave me the epidural with my DS and the nurse was the same nurse that helped deliver my DD so that was very comforting and everyone was so compassionate. I have no cramping and not much bleeding at all so all went well. Only issue is that I feel a little more emotional today because now its just so real and everything about the pregnancy is gone. Just seems more real than ever.

My doctor is t going to do any testing because she said almost every woman will have 1 miscarriage and it's considered normal and was most likely a chromosomal abnormality. She said they test anyone who's had more than one or is over a certain age, etc. she said if I wanted to try and be pregnant again , for peace of mind they have me under a closer look and send in for ultrasounds and check for HcG levels weekly which felt good to hear. Although after always thinking "this will never hap to me" and having it happen to me, I'm not sure it's something I could deal with again, just to painful.