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Struggling
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preciouslittleone posted:
I am completely struggling right now.

I miscarried 1/13/12 and I was fine for a while but I have been overcome by a depression. All I can think about is a baby, I ca't stop myself from reading articles and making plans and trying to figure everything out.

Today I should get a visit from AF but it hasn't come yet. Today I had a BFN and found out that my friend Joey is 11 weeks 6 days along with her second baby (her first is like 9 months old) and that my boyfriend's brother is going to be a dad again (his third, his girlfriend's second).

I can't stop crying and I don't think boyfriend understands because he hasn't said a word to me since I started crying.
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britt200408 responded:
I am so very sorry for your loss. I had a D&C on 11-14-11 and I still have bad days. I can go a few weeks without shedding a tear, but then just this last Saturday I cried, sobbing, for at least 3 hours straight. Then, for no reason, I started crying again later that night. It will be difficult for a while and it will never really go away completely. I can say that it is easier for me to be happy now, and the grief isn't as frequent or as overwhelming, but I do still have my moments.

It makes it more difficult seeing other pregnant people, especially if you think they don't 'deserve' it. Life just isn't fair. I don't mean to sound cold, but honestly going through this has made me very very jealous of other people who I feel are not as prepared as I was. My husband and I planned this baby (our second child), we have no health issues, we are finally financially stable enough to support a newborn, our marriage is stronger than ever, we don't drink or smoke or do drugs, etc. It was so hard when I miscarried because I had so many immature, irresponsible people around me getting pregnant and having no issues. My sister in law just had her son 2 weeks ago (I am an aunt for the first time and he is a beautiful baby boy, but it was so hard). She didn't plan it, she isn't very healthy, and they were having a LOT of serious marital issues before she got pregnant, which continued throughout the pregnancy. My little sister is also pregnant, due 4 DAYS before I was due. That is going to be the hardest day for me, when she has her daughter. I know she will be a good mom, but she is not very mature when it comes to relationships or holding down a job. She still smokes. It is so infuriating, like what did I do to deserve this? Why would God take away my child, who would have been loved and cared for, but give a child to these two people who will struggle? I wanted a baby BEFORE I was pregnant....they did not. They weren't trying to get pregnant. They got pregnant and then had to decide they wanted the baby. I loved my child before I was even pregnant, if that makes sense.

Anyway, sorry about the rant. I just want you to know that my situation is similar, and these feelings are completely ok. Just try not to act on them. I have been nothing but excited and gracious and helpful to both of my sisters, and I love my nephew so much and I will love my niece. I know they didn't cause my miscarriage, and they cried with me when we found out we lost the baby. It's just life and it really sucks sometimes.

As far as your boyfriend goes, he may just be confused. I cried a lot in private, mainly because I didn't want my son to worry. But, I know my husband was also going through some weird stuff emotionally, while trying to stay calm and stay strong for me. We had a few discussions when I felt like he didn't care, and he did get emotional and explain that he did care, but he understands it is worse for me. I miscarried at 10 weeks, so there were no physical signs of the pregnancy yet. It almost wasn't 'real' to him yet, so it was a different kind of grief that he was going through.

I will also tell you that the first few times AF came, it was VERY emotional for me. Now it is a little easier, but we aren't trying to have another one yet. I still have a shred of hope every month that she just won't show and we will be surprised, even though I would rather wait until the fall to start trying again.

I don't think that hole in your heart ever goes away. I hope you can pull out of this depression soon. If not, don't be ashamed to ask for help. Life does go on and we just have to hang on for the ride. Thanks for letting me vent on your post, and I hope some of words have brought you at least a little comfort.
 
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preciouslittleone replied to britt200408's response:
I talked to boyfriend's brother's girlfriend today and was nothing buy supportive. Keola (boyfriend's bro) is very excited but Kiarra (his gf) is scared. They both just got out of work release from jail and are trying to get their lives together. She's scared to tell his family since they don't know her, since they weren't supportive about my pregnancy I told her not to tell them until she has to and that in all honesty it doesnt matter what they think, just what her and Keola think and that me and boyfriend support them.
Can't wait for my life to begin.
 
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jossanasmomma responded:
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard this must be. Every month when I AF came after my m/c it was heartbreaking. I lost my little boy last September at 16 weeks, and every month has been hard. It was even harder near the due date.

All I can say is that you need time to grieve, and that you are OK. Grief is a very personal process and it's important to give yourself time. It hasn't been very long at all.

If you wish, a therapist who understands m/c might be helpful. Mine has been. I wish you all the best.


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