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Anniversary of Loss
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IrwinsLady posted:
Back in 2007 I lost my one and only pregnancy. And to this day it is very hard on me. I lost the baby April 8th, 2007 Easter morning. I miss my baby dearly and often wondered what he would have looked like. He would have been 5 this October and it breaks my heart that i never had the chance to meet him or hold him. I often cry when my new husband goes to sleep because i refuse to let him see me cry. Do you ladies have any ideas or advice on how to cope with this because all my friends have kids and never knew the pain and loss of a child.
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Anon_182655 responded:
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy last September and so I haven't been through an anniversary yet, but I can only imagine how hard it is. It's just like when someone who has lived a full life dies, only it's lonelier. No one felt the attachment you felt to that life that you were nurturing. Miscarriage is so weird, we're supposed to just get on with our lives and not look back, but how can we do that when we loved that little one???

I'm a big advocate of two things: talking about your losses and having rituals around them. I would recommend seeing a counselor who specializes in miscarriage or grief. Have you tried speaking to your husband about your feelings? Men don't totally get our experience, but I will tell you that when we lost our baby my husband cried for the first time I've ever seen, and he was very supportive. Don't discount him.

We planted a tree around the time of our due date. That was so hard. I think it was harder than when the miscarriage happened. The tree helped. I can see it growing, and it reminds me of our son.

I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I hope it will. You are in my prayers and thoughts
 
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IrwinsLady replied to Anon_182655's response:
Thank you Anon_182655, i did tell my new husband about it and he sympathizes with me. he said he is going to get me a bracelet with a pink stone in it as a reminder of the baby since it was supposed to his birthstone. i think its a great idea. the tree sounds like a wonderful idea as well and im very sorry about your loss. its a hard thing to go through. hugs.
 
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mendezwife replied to IrwinsLady's response:
Hi, I can relate to your story, bc I too have lost a child, twins actually, Feb 2011. My year ann passed & it was a hard day. I thought of them often. I always do & I know I always will. They are apart of me & no matter the situation, your child passing will always be apart of you.
We tried counselors & for my husband & I it just made it worse. Our family was the best support we could of asked for. Lean on your family if you can. Surround yourself with love & faith & don't loose it.
I have learned many things from my twins passing, as I'm sure you have too. Trust in God & ask for guidence when you feel you need it. God never closes a door for no reason & he will open a door for you for a reason.
We have a burial site for our twins, a tiny place reserved for them. So when we need to, we go visit them & I can get my love out to them. It helps to know they are somewhere where I can "visit them" I can visit them anytime of day, but I like having a place to go, quietly.
I am 10 wks pregnant now & I know this is my door that God has opened for me. I trust in God to guide me & my new baby to be. As mad as I was at Him, He has shown me his love & trust.
I hope you are ok & even though this post is old, (2months) maybe it will still help you or others
Sincerely


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