Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up
Didn't know til it was too late.
avatar
jhetsmom posted:
Saturday april 7th 2012, I took a pregnancy test at the advice of my boss. Never in a million years did I expect it to be positive. When that plus sign showed up, I already knew I was miscarrying. I had been bleeding since my expected af date of 3/24. I even took a test that morning that was neg. The Monday following the pos pt, I made an appointmentfor my ob. She got me in same day, did a full work up. According to LMP of 2/25 I should have been 6 weeks exactly. The numbers for HCG were 310 and low because of the bleeding I was sent for an US and it showed no sac or pole. I had follow up labs on wednesday and my numbers were 300. I was scheduled for a D & C on friday night. It didn't really hit me til the US that it was happening and to make matters worse, my tech wasn't very professional about it, asking things like if I was really pregnant, or if I was sure, then diagnosing me which I am sure is beyond her scope of practice for only being a tech. DH and I were hoping for the best and expecting the worst. It seems like this ordeal has brought out the angry side of him. He has become very short with our 2.5 yo DS, cranky at me for not wanting to stay on bed rest even when I feel fine, and constantly reprimanding our DS for wanting to lay next to me or on me. I think he is just being over protective but its starting to wear on me. Im exhausted enough battling my own demons about this without him constantly being mean to our son. I am coping the best way I know how but I am not sure how to help him. He isn't a talker and I can't bring it up without him shrugging it of like he doesn't really thinkor care about it. I can tell its bothering him too but I just can't seem to get him to open up about it. Any advice?
Reply
 
avatar
An_240941 responded:
I'm so sorry. It sounds like your DH has a hard time dealing with emotions to begin with (rather typical in men sometimes). I would say maybe when DS is sleeping ask your DH to go sit outside with you. Tell him him you just want to spend some time with him in the fresh air. Since he is being protective he may just say yes to your every whim or argue the point, be insistent. Sometimes when people talk about serious things it inside it makes them feel more claustrophobic & boxed in & then they jump straight to the defense, that's why I say go outside. Sometimes it can be more calming to be out in some open space & plus he will think twice about raising his voice where neighbors can hear & wont be able to wake DS as easily if he gets anxious & loud. Start with pleasant calming conversation. Something to keep him relaxed but not something as impersonal as the weather, you know what I mean. Then if you hit a nice pleasant calm silent moment (perhaps in his arms), open up & tell him you know he doesn't like to talk about it but you really need to. Tell him you love him & he is the only person you want to discuss this with & you need his support & for him to open up & be there for you. Then once he (hopefully) agrees to have some conversation on the topic tell him how you feel. Don't be insulting or insinuative. I notice that if you say "I feel" in front of something someone else does that upsets you they take better than you just straight saying "you are out of line with our DS". Ask him to open up to you. Tell him you need to hear from him what's on his mind. Make sure it's need or need & want not just want. Men seem to respond better to the word need, they have an innate nature to "fix" women's needs. That should help. It works with most men I know. Some men are just too reserved to get to at all with somethings. But on the other hand some men open up no problem. Right now you have enough on your plate with the pain of your loss & the grieving stages being so current. He is grieving too, which is probably why he is so harsh with DS right now (a way to take out the pain w/o doing it to you). Remember people tend to take out their feelings on those closes to them & sometimes not know how to actually express their true emotions (ex: covering hurt with anger). You 2 need to be able to talk about this & I hope this helps you find a way to get him to open up with you. I wish you the best & again I'm so sorry.


Spotlight: Member Stories

DD 4.23.08 . Happy and Healthy***Thank you LORD!*** Angel Baby at 10 weeks D&E on 12/29/09 Angel Baby at 6 weeks Natural MC 8/20/10

Helpful Tips

my loss
I have three girls, you would have been my fourth baby. I have three children left to brighten my day, make me smile and forget for a ... More
Was this Helpful?
21 of 29 found this helpful

Helpful Resources

Be the first to post a Resource!

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.