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Ectopic pregnancy 5-8-12
baby2013 posted:
Hi.My name is Marla and I am 41 and have been married for 18 years this would have been our first child..I lost my baby and left tube on 5-8-12. Baby was 8wks 2 days old and had a heartbeat per ultrasound done that afternoon was told to go directly to emergency room after the ultrasound and was immediatly admitted and had surgery to terminate pregnancy and removal of the left tube due to much damage. While they were in there they also saw that I had alot of scar tissue on my right tube so they removed it. Now they are telling us we have to wait at least 6 months before trying again. I am having a really hard time with this expecially the wait time...I have wanted this for so long and was so HAPPY when we got the postive test. I know that the wait time is so my remaining tube can heal completely so we are not at xuch a risk of this happening again....But I WANT MY BABY and right now do not know how I am going to get over the loss and move on if I cannot even try again........So confused and scared.
RoseLynn02 responded:
I am so sorry for your loss. Having to terminate a dangerous pregnancy can't be easy, but you have your life & your husband & an opportunity to try again. I know that those things don't help right now...but sometimes it helps drown out the negatives when you focus more strongly on the positives. As far as "getting over the loss & moving on", well all I can say is you have to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Grieve, don't hold it in. It gets easier day by day, but it takes time.There are some remembrance thing you can do that help some people. You could plant a tree in "baby's" (sorry I don't have a name to call it, you could always pick a unisex name for baby so you could at least name it & have that to use for anything you do in it's honor) memory, or get a remembrance stone/plaque or angel statue in honor of "baby", you could write a poem....well the list goes on & on but ultimately I would say find something that feels right for you to do in honor of your little angel & do it (even if it seems strange). I hear it helps. I was 17 when I lost mine 9yrs ago (making me 26). I didn't get to do anything but sit in my room & cry by myself while my parents sat there happy that it didn't "last long enough to ruin my life." Anyhow I hope something I wrote helps....I saw no one had responded yet & this room can be a little slow at times (as far as getting responses), so I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Here is a beautiful poem I found a few months ago that has helped me, maybe it will help you too:

Precious Little One

I`m just a precious little one
who didn`t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven`s Glory,
suffered none of earth`s great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family-don`t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus` arms
from my loving Mother`s womb.

And also this one as well, it's one of my favorites:

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here
He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown

I'm not good at writing poems & things, so I just read what other have written & sometimes it helps heal the pain for me. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to ok.

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