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Miscarried and now facing due date
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J9812 posted:
I experienced a miscarriage this past winter (at 7-8 weeks) and D&C on December 1, 2011. It feels like so long ago sometimes, and yet other times, feels like it just happened. I will never forget waking up from my anesthesia crying quietly over the loss of my pregnancy. I've experienced significant depression following my miscarriage and with support from medical providers, family and friends I've been able to feel my mood greatly improve the last few months. But in the back of my mind, I've always remembered my due date in anticipation. My due date is (was) June 28, 2012 (just around the corner). When June came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The crying spells have resumed again and I feel immense sadness each day. I am managing to go through the motions of my daily life and responsibilities. But at the same time, my house feels emptier. Every time I pass the room which would have been our nursery I am reminded of our loss. Every time I look in the mirror, I think of how I would have been over 8 months along by now with a large pregnant belly, but I don't. And I can't bring myself to talk about the feeling of loss after the miscarriage with those closest to me. They are experiencing births and happy milestones. They do not understand that I can't help but feel horrible guilt over having a D&C and not being able to bury my unborn baby. What did the hospital do with the fetus tissue? I ask myself this everyday and am brought to tears thinking of my poor baby disposed somewhere in medical/hospital biohazard garbage. The emotional grief is unbearable at times. And on top of this, my husband and I have been actively trying to get pregnant again with no success yet. So amid ovulation kits, contstant pregnancy tests, and ongoing menstrual periods, I am reminded that my baby did not make it. And I don't find solace in prayer or my faith, which is nothing new to me. I just want the feeling to go away. I wish I could talk with my loved ones about this. I wish I could share this with my husband but I can only cry and am tired of people seeing me cry. The only conclusion I've come to realize is that there is nothing I can do to make this all better and that's okay. That in time it should be okay. And that the hurt will always stay with me, somewhere deep inside.

I've decided to take the day off from work, on my due date. I think I will be too distracted to get any work done and will probably be crying most of the day. I would like ideas on how to spend that day with my husband, to memorialize our baby. Please let me know if you have any suggestions.
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RoseLynn02 responded:
I'm so sorry & all I can say is that it does get easier day by day. I thought it about it & cried every yr on my babies due date for a few yrs....but it never really hit until that month each yr...I was also in extreme depression for the 1st 2yrs I would say. I lost my baby 9yrs ago at 8wks & had a D&C also. Anyhow, I would like to suggest a memorial stone. You could plant a small tree or rose bush or something of the like in your yard & place a stone near it (mine has the poem "if tears could build a stairway..." you could read it at this link : http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/13433/257.html ), you could write your own poem to "baby", you could pick an asexual name( one suited for boy or girl) to give your baby ( I always liked Riley), our if you're artistic you could paint a picture....anyhow you could make something for "baby" & pick some small items like a teddy bear or pajamas or little booties & picture of mommy & daddy & place it in a nice "keepsake" box with the name you pick & bury it with the tree & place the stone & hold your own memorial & have a place where you can go to visit baby & talk whenever you feel the need.

This site has some beautiful stones if you're interested in the idea:
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/gift-of-sympathy-after-loss-of-a-child-or-miscarriage.aspx

You mention your guilt of not being able to bury & well....I suppose this option is the next best thing. Again, I'm so sorry & I hope this helps.


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