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I was 5 months pregnant and our baby died
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Christine_Baires posted:
On Sunday June 17, 2012 I was exactly 5 months pregnant. That morning I woke up with blood all over when I went to the bathroom. My husband and I rushed to the hospital and I was put through tons of tests. They did an ultrasound and couldn't find our babies heart beat. They informed me that our baby had passed away at approximately 14 weeks. I was given the choice of a D&C or have an induced delivery. We chose to induce and deliver the baby. Our son was delivered on June 18, 2012 at 2:10 am. We were given the option to see our son and hold his body. We sat with the nurse and held our sons little 6 ounce body. The nurse explained to us that his skin had formed over the skull before his brain had developed all the way, so his brain started forming on the left side of his neck. He also hadn't formed eyelids. The nurse explained that they had never seen anything like that before especially from a pregnancy that was going so smoothly. It bothers me that they couldn't find the cause of our childs deformity. It has been almost 3 weeks since I was released from the hospital and I feel like I've been doing very well. I break down every once in a while. I feel like I'm a bad person for how I'm dealing with things. I feel guilty and I can't help it. I don't understand why our child was taken away from us. I feel like I've done something horribly wrong to have my child taken away from me. I keep repeatedly asking myself what I did to deserve this. I'm having the hardest time finding someone who understands what I'm going through.
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babyj1017 responded:
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our baby in late May of this year and what 've learned since then is everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Everything you're feeling is normal for you, so don't feel bad about your grief process and the emotions that come with it, just let yourself feel what you are feeling. For me, that was the path to healing. I spent what felt like weeks walking around pretending I was ok when I wasn't and when the dam finally broke and I let myself feel the sadness, anger and disappointment in the loss of the future that was created, it was like a swtich was flipped. The next day I felt better, had a sense of hope for the first time since we got that awful diagnosis. I was able to let go of questioning why me, what I did to deserve losing my baby. Because, the truth is, you did nothing to deserve your loss. You've done nothing wrong and there is nothing you could have done differently to save your baby.

Hugs to you, momma. I hope you are able to find peace soon.
 
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Christine_Baires replied to babyj1017's response:
thank you. it does make me feel a lot better knowing there are other women who have been through this type of thing. it's very hard for me and i see in my husband it is even harder on him. he keeps blaming himself saying it was his fault for what happened. i don't quite understand how he thinks it was his fault. maybe that's his way of grieving over our loss.
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to Christine_Baires's response:
Babyj is right, everyone grieves differently. There is no wrong way to grieve. The important thing is that you allow yourself to go through the process and feel what you need to feel. If you fight it then it will only build up like Babyj said. Not only that, but then your grief will last longer and so will your pain. I lost my baby 9yrs ago and I still think about it and it still hurts, but I can honestly say I'm ok now. My situation was a lot different then yours though. Anyhow, don't try to force yourself to be strong or expect to be some super woman. Be who you are and feel what you feel. Much love to you and your husband and your little angel.


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Christina - Texas - Married to DH May 2003, 1 D/S Oct-2003, 1 M/C April 2010, 2nd M/C possible Twins 6/2010 currently TTC #5/6 was a member of the We...More

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