I was roughly 4 weeks pregnant, had no idea that I was pregnant at all, then began bleeding heavily with big clots and other things that just did not seem normal. I was hoping and praying it was nothing, but I went to the doctor the following morning (all of this started at 2am), and they did urine and blood tests and told me it had been a chemical pregnancy, so I had a miscarriage. I am 20 years old, in school full time, about to be married next month and we live very comfortably. I would have been overjoyed to have this child. Just the fact that I didn't even know I had this until after it was already gone, killed me. Absolutely killed me. I've been in such a deep depression that it's hard to even get out of bed. I know it sounds silly, since it never would have grown into a baby, but I wanted to name her. As soon as the doctor told me what had happened, I just had a feeling she would have been a girl, my little girl. It's gut wrenching, and I feel as if it's my fault because I smoke cigarettes all the time and I'd been drinking wine pretty heavily. I just feel all of this guilt and loss and have no idea how to overcome it. Every morning I wake up thinking "today might be better", but it hasn't been. If anyone at all out there has been in a similar situation and has found ways to cope, please, please let me know. It's difficult to find anyone to talk to about this because I don't know anyone who has hdd this happen to them.
My best advise is to do exactly what you are doing... seek out others that are or have been in your shoes. I had a blighted ovum in May and even though I had a strong support group in my family and friends, they hadn't been through a loss and just didn't get it. They couldn't relate and mostly avoided the topic as best they could (I don't fault them for it now, but man at the time I felt like no one would acknowledge the loss).
I also found it easier to find support online as it allowed me to keep some of my anonymity and privacy but still read the stories of women who have suffered the loss of a child. Just knowing that I was not alone in my struggle helped tremendously.
Babycenter.com has a Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant loss board that I spent a lot of time on in the weeks following my miscarriage. It has a lot more activity than this board, so you may want to check it out.
I am very sorry for your loss, I pray you are able to find peace soon.
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