Coping with Pregnancy Loss Community

Hello. I wanted to vent my story.

My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant since May and we found out on August 12 that I was pregnant. We were very excited. But I spent the whole time being very nervous, I kept feeling as though this wasn't going to work out. My pregnancy was hell. the morning sickness was terrible, all food disgusted me, I couldn't sleep and when I did I had nightmares. I was moody. I was still so happy to be pregnant though.

A few weeks in I had terrible cramping so we went to the ER. They tested everything they could and told me they couldn't find anything wrong. My pregnancy wasn't far enough to be found on an ultrasound, so they sent me home. I had my blood tested every two days.

Then a few weeks ago I had another ultrasound. It was very happy, there was a sac and yolk in my uterus and they measured me as being at 5 weeks. I was so relieved, but my doctor called me and told me we weren't in the clear until there's a heart beat.

On Tuesday we went for another ultrasound, hoping to hear a heart beat. I was 7 weeks along. My cramps had stopped. I had a minor brown discharge that I was nervous about, but it was very slight.

So at the ultrasound, the woman kept taking pictures and doing her thing, then she said she would be right back. I had a really bad feeling, I knew the news wasn't good. she came back and handed me a phone. my doctor was on the line, she told me there was no progress and she recommend that I have a d&c. I was devastated.

I had the d&c on wednesday, that was three days ago. I am so lost. I feel so empty. my husband has been wonderful and supportive, which is good. they allowed me to take a week out of work. but I have to go back to work in 3 days and I do not want to.

I didn't have much bleeding after the d&c. only for a day and it stopped, now I only have that odd brown spotting again. I get cramps on and off.

I just feel so sad and alone. the timing was perfect, I was so thrilled about it because I knew exactly when I conceived. I've wanted a baby for many years, and I was so happy that my time finally came. but it's gone now. I can't get over how lost I feel.

I'm sorry about my horrible grammar, I stopped caring about writing correctly, I just wanted to vent and not care. if anybody has read this, I thank you. I would love to hear from anybody who has had similar experiences. I'm just so alone.