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Lost my son at 38wks
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09shelby posted:
I am very new to this part of the process. Let me start by saying I had such a smooth pregnancy and healthy one as well. I gained weight at a normal rate, and was always a small person so I welcomed the weight. Well my dd was Nov 15th., and on Friday 10/30 we decided to go eat dinner, nothing major.Well at around 2:30 in the morning my water broke. Off to the hospital we head around 3:30 w/cntraction about 4 min apart. I had a dr appt on thursday 10/29 and everything was nomal/good. To make a long story a little shorter, upon the nurses checking me I was 8cm wit back to back contrax and they could not find Jayden's hb. At 5is my dr came in and did u/s and confirmed e was not alive and had no hb. This was the most awful and devestating news we could have imagined. We had to deliver my son because he was so far down a c-sec was not possibe. So at 7:42am I gave birth to my son. He was absolutely perfect and it was so ard for me to imagine. The dr said my placenta ad began to seperate & tear away. She said it was a 10% tear and I had a lot of clots. She suspected he passed about 8-12 hrs earlier. I felt/feel absolutley horrible thinking I didn't know and how or why. Does anyone have any advice or insight on this or suggestions on what to do, how to do or anything. I posted the long version on the 3rd tri boards titled baby boy Jayden for anyone who wants to read it. Thank you in advance.
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texastwogood responded:
I Dont Know What To Say But Iam SOOO Sorry.
 
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09shelby responded:
Thank you!
 
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texastwogood responded:
How Are You Dealing With This ? i Have Lost 12 Pregnacies But mine Were About 16 Weeks Again Iam Sooo Sorry.
 
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vanderhoff06 responded:
am so sorry for your loss. i can't imagine carrying a child full term and then losing him at the end. i'm sure there are people on this board that have experienced stillbirth, but i haven't. i'm sorry i cant be of more help, but just know that we are all here for you and so very sorry. hugs*
 
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crys1582 responded:
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost DD at 23 weeks and I can tell you I know how much you hurt. I will tell you first and foremost it was not your fault, you did nothing to make it happen nor could you prevent it. If any of us could of prevented our losses we would of. I suggest you take time to grieve, don't jump back into normal life too fast. I took 5 weeks off work after my loss, and if you have short term disability your Dr can write you out on it so you have time off and don't have to worry about the financial issues of being off work. I would defintly have a memorial or something to honor your son and to help your family grieve also, sometimes we forget they have to grieve also. I would say if you want to go to therapy or a support group to do so, if you go to the SHARE website they have alot listed by areas, the way you heal and grieve will be different than everyone else, I kept a journal and everytime I had bad feelings or just wanted to let it out I would write, it really did help, going back and reading how I was 1 day after to 1 week, to 1 month was amazing to see myself heal and how I changed. I will tell you it does get easier, it will get better, but you will never forget, not a day goes by that I don't think about Brooke and the what if's but I have learned to cope and so will you. I am so sorry for you loss, If you ever need anything to ask a question, cry, vent this board is really good for that, I lived on this board for awhile after my loss, now I only visit once a week or so. Best wishes for you and your family.
 
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no1phillygirl responded:
am so sorry to hear about your loss. that must have been so devastating for you. take your time and grieve. i just lost my 2nd pregnancy but it was only 8 1/2 weeks. I am still having a hard time coping. It definitely isn't an easy thing to go through. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

Best wishes.

Marla
 
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prisonerofmyownmind responded:
I guess you could say that we are all new when tragedy such as this strikes overnight. First, I would like to send you my condolences and I had almost the exact experience but my two were at 24 weeks 5 days and 28 weeks 4 days. As with yours, the pregnancy with my daughter was normal did everything I was supposed to and went in for my 6 month ultrasound but found no heartbeat. Spent 30 hours delivering since they had to induce labor, gave birth the next day, and buried my daughter one week later. Autopsy found no cause other than the placenta was partially separated. Two years later, pregnancy with my son was going smoothly other than constant morning sickness. One morning after my husband got off work and went to bed, I got up off the couch to use the restroom and felt a very mild cramp (the kind you get with a light period.) I decided to use the restroom then wake up my husband, but when I sat on the toilet it felt as if my down-there area was more open than it should be. I reached down there and could feel my sons head very near to the opening, I screamed for my husband and gave birth on my bath towel on the bathroom floor. 9-1-1 made my husband open the sac to see if he could get our son breathing while waiting for an ambulance. Once again, autopsy found no cause other than the detaching of the placenta. Local OB specialist ran all sorts of blood test on me and I can't tell you how many examinations there are to check if all your female parts are proper. I didn't have a clue that my children had died either so please try not to be too hard on yourself for not knowing. That was beyond your control. I could have sworn that I felt my children move on the days that I discovered that they had passed. The only way that I have been able to ease some of the pain and get passed most of the tears is by talking openly about my children with the people who care about me, calling them by their names, and remembering the feelings I had when they were with me physically. 'Our children live on in our hearts therefore they can never be lost.' That has become a very positive way of thinking for me instead of dwelling on being denied mothering them. Now I reminisce over the times I shared with my beautiful children, Jessica Grace 7-28-2004 and Alek Christopher 4-15-2007. I learned to take life one breathe at a time instead of one step, because steps are just too big for a grieving mother.
 
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09shelby responded:
To all of you ladies, thank you for all the kind words and thoughts. They are all appreciated. Nikki- Honestly as far as how I am dealing with this right now, I don't know. There is not a moment of my day I don't think of Jayden and how things would be different. This is the hardest thing I have ever attempted to deal with as I am sure all of you know in your own ways. Crystal- Thank you for all the suggestions. I am going to look into some support and have already been in contact with Kindermourn in my area. Think talking to anyone right now will be better than no one. Maria- Thank you as well! Prisoner...-I know you are correct about this level of tragedy always being new. Like you mentioned I swore I felt Jayden move that day. After the fact I began to second guess that movement, but will always believe I felt my son move. I could not imagine 30 hrs of delivery. I was thankful I delivered approximately 5 hrs after my water broke. Also we were very lucky to have photos done by a lady from "now I lay me down to sleep" group. Carrying my son for 38 weeks and seeing him has brougt us a small amount of peace. The photographer provided us with some beautiful pictures that I will truly cherish foreve. I also really like the quote you included and the statement about taking life a breathe at a time. That is so true. All of you ladies are so kind. And as one suggested about a journal, I have actual been doing this and yes I do find the writting a release of some sort. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and words, I greatly appreciate all of it .

Also my heart goes out to all of you as well and thoughts for of your children.
 
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mommyslittlestar responded:
Hello there. I want to start off with saying that I am very sorry for your loss. I am going through a similar thing as well. If you wouldn't mind, i'd like to share my story with you. My due date was 11/30/09, which is this coming Monday. I had a healthy pregnancy, and what I thought to be as told, a healthy baby boy. Besides the fact that I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and had symptoms of preeclampsia. But my doctor caught it early and I followed his orders, to be bed ridden at 31 weeks to the end of my pregnancy and to see him twice a week in his office. I did as he said, and took all of the proper precautions. He still then assured me, that I had a healthy baby and that my health had caused him no damage at all. Then at about 34 weeks, my blood pressure started to sky rocket more and more every week. At 36 weeks, my doctor talked about enducement to cause me and my baby no harm. I went in the hospital two weeks ago, at 37 weeks, to be enduced. They gave me cytotec to soften my cervix and then started me on potocin to make me dilalate. I was on cytotec for 2 days and then potocin for 1 day;dialated to 3cm, and then stopped. So they sent me home and decided to start the potocin last week. I went in again last Wednesday at 6am at 38 weeks, and they started me on potocin again. I was in labor for 9 1/2 hours and delivered my baby boy at 7:03pm. Every thing went great, besides the fact that the embilical cord was wrapped around his neck. They threw him up on my chest, he was crying, and the father cut the cord. The nurses cleaned him up, I held him, and he opened his eyes immediately and stopped crying. It was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt in my entire life. Then the doctor comes to me minutes later and asked to take a look at his right arm again. It was ghost white, as well as the upper right side of his chest. They did xrays, said it was rare, and tells me that he needs to be flown out by helicopter to Children's National Medical Center in DC. My heart stopped. I couldn't belive that this was happening. They sent him out two hours later, and the father went with him. My doctor released me the next morning to be driven down there, 2 1/2 away, to see my baby. After I gotten there, they told me that he was having seizures. I JUST COULD NOT BELIVE IT. They did blood tests, they did an ultrasound of his heart and of his lungs and kidneys and liver, they did an MRI...to come and tell me that Evan had a stroke on both sides of his brain. My heart stopped again...I was devastated! I mean, how could this happen?! They then later showed me the MRI pictures and told me that he had the two stokes on his brain prior to his delivery and that he had a blood clot in his right arm cutting off blood supply. The blood clot went to his brain and caused him to have a seizure and damaged parts of the right side of his brain. I sat there bawling my eyes out, being told that my baby was just about completely brain dead and that he wasn't going to make it the next 12-24 hours. They put him on a respirator, and I had to make a decision to take him off of it and sign a DNR. The doctors told me that Evan was only surviving on his vital organs and his brain stem. They gave him a feeding tube, and he rejected it and turned blue as I watched his heart rate fluctuate up and down as he fought it. They did several IV's in his left arm and both his legs...til I was told that he has "sticky blood", which was causing his blood to clot and blew all of his veins. They could have ran a pic line, but there was a chance of his blood clotting at his heart. They gave him 3 different seizure medications to stop him and prevent him from having more seizures. There was NOTHING else they could do. I took him off the respirater 11/23 at 10am and he lasted til 12:20am yesterday. I gave birth to my baby a week ago, and then had to watch him die in my arms. I stayed by his side the entire time. I signed for him to have an autopsy to find out what
 
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MichelleTheAuthor responded:
I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for the loss of your precious baby, and I pray you comfort and strength on this journey. I loss my dd at 16 weeks, and can't imagine what you're going through having made it so far. Just know that this is not in any way your fault. I hope you're okay tonight.

Michelle
 
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mommyslittlestar responded:
(continued) this is! I just...I can't even belive it! Every thing went so smooth, and then I give birth to a brain dead baby! There is nothing worse than watching your own child lie in your arms and turn blue gasping for air until his heart stops. I will never get over it! He will always be in my heart, and I know that deep down inside I did the right thing. He was going to die anyways. I couldn't sit there and watch him hooked up to a breathing tube, feeding tube, eeg, all of those IV's, and know that they along with all of the medications they were giving him were the things keeping him alive. I'd rather spend his last moments in my arms, giving him the love and compassion that I wish I could have showed him more of. I know this was different from your case, but I still know what it's like to lose your baby after carrying him for 38 weeks. Nothing can compare to it! My heart and prayers are with you and your family.
 
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hbarks responded:
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm sorry that I can't offer any words of wisdom (found out today that I miscarried- 1st pregnancy). I hope you have supportive friends and family who will just be there to listen and love you. Best wishes and I hope your healing process goes smoothly.
 
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09shelby responded:
Thank you for your prayers! I will keep you, your son & your family equally in my prayers. I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your son as well! Sending many prayers and everything possible your way.
 
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09shelby responded:
To everyone, thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts! As all of you know this is a difficult time and thanks to a lot of support I am doing ok. I don't say good yet, but ok is not bad. I also pray and think of all of you for your loss as well. Thank you again, it means alot to have people that are informed know how to help.


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