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Miscarriage at 5 months
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Jerv3a posted:
I had a miscarriage on oct 5. I had a baby girl and I am trying to find the best way to deal with the fact that I am no longer pregnant and wanting to have another child. At first, I thought I would be ready right away but I now realize that I am not but, I am sure that I want to give my daughter a brother or sister. That was my first pregnancy ever and I feel empty. My boyfriend is skeptical and doesn't really want to try again but, the thing with him is that he already has kids and I don't have any and now having carried her for 5 months, I can't see living life without being a mother to a child that grows inside of me for the full 9 months and that I am able to have and get to know as my own.
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ctina517 responded:
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at just over 6 months due to an infection. He lived for almost a day, but didn't make it. I can understand the need to have a child right away, but being very afraid. I personally cannot have any more children, but I still feel the pain inside that I am no longer pregnant. Maybe your boyfriend just needs time to deal with this. It is still new. In the mean time, try to heal yourself by coming here and talking if you need to, cry if you have to. Don't let anyone tell you how you should and should not feel. No one knows what it feels like unless they have been through it. My thoughts are with you.
 
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Jerv3a responded:
I have a question for you. As I mentioned I am new to this webmd site. I was just wondering if, every time someone reads your story and they respond you find their response just by clicking on your name? Again thank you so much for your words of encouragement.
 
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Jerv3a responded:
Sorry if I am being a pest. I sent you a message after your reply but I am not sure if I sent it all the way so Im going to try and repeat what I said. Forgive me if this is a dup. You say that you had an infection. My doc told me that all of my bloodwork was fine and the only conculusion that could be made was that there could have been and infection. What causes an infection and exactly what kind of infection could it have been? I can think of some such as uti, or any kind of std but all of that testing came back fine. I was wondering, do you have kids prior to Xavier? My daughter lived for about 45 mins. Her name was Sidney and my mom held her for about 30 mins. I want to thank you so much for your response and encouragement. Thank you again and my thoughts are with you as well. Are you allowed to exchange phone numbers on this site or no? I don't know much about this site. Just got on saw this and put in my entry. (-: Have a good weekend. Hope to hear from you soon.
 
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crys0511 responded:
I am so sorry for you loss, I lost DD at 22 1/2 wks due to PROM which was caused by an infection. They didn't know about the infection until they ran tests on the placenta and amniotic sac. The infection can come from anywhere, usually it's a something that is naturally in the vagina, like Strep B....or it could of been there from conception and just got worse over time. As for your boyfreind, just give him time to greive, and you take time also, and when you feel ready to try again, sit down and discuss it with him. Make sure you keep lines of communication open and you listen to him and vice versa, this is such a hard time and sometimes men don't express their sadness the same and it just builds up, kwim? I hope you heal well, I will recomend a book for you to read, it is the only book I found that actually addressed pregnancy loss due to infection, it is A SIlent Sorrow...I bought it pretty cheap off ABEBOOKS.COM and then if you want a book to help with emotional stuff Empty Cradle Broken Dreams is also a book I read and liked. You will be a mother to a baby on Earth one day, just give you and your BF time to greive your angel.

(((HUGS)))
 
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Jerv3a responded:
Question, what does DD and kwim stand for? I am new here and not quite sure of all the abbreviations. (-:!! Thank you for your support and encouragement. It is very helpful and I will look into the book Silent Sorrow. Think I can get it from the library? When they test you at the beginning of your pregnancy they don't check for any other std's or anything that could cause infection in the womb? Or is it something that may be undetected? They did swab my placenta and the dr said that all results were ok so, where does that leave things? This is all so confusing. Do you know if the infection could have come from intercourse or is that less likely? Thank you again for your support and kind words. I named my daughter Sidney Peyton.
 
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krista99 responded:
I am very very sorry for your loss. My first loss was my first pregnancy and the feeling of emptiness and lonliness was overwhelming for me. I wanted to have a baby of my own so badly, and worried endlessly that I wouldn't be able to.

I think that you probably need some time before you TTC again. I would set a date (maybe in 6 months??) of when you will TTC again. That way you have a plan, but aren't thinking about TTC all the time. You need time to deal with what has happened to you and your baby.

I know the urge to move on and just wanting to be pregnant again is so strong. My OB has told me that I must wait at least 3 months to give my body and mind time to heal. She would have recommended 6 months, but I am 37 years old and since I am AMA, she knows that each month I wait the risks go up.

Men can't fully understand what women go through, how we feel, and our desire to be a mother. Since he already is a father, his biological need to reproduce has already been fulfilled.

Being with someone who is aligned with your desires for children is essential. You can't go through life with someone that doesn't want more children when you do so strongly. Maybe have a discussion with him in a month or two about this.

Remember, he is hurting in his own way. He also lost a baby, but he's not experiencing it or showing it the same way you are. Give him sometime. Give yourself some time.
 
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Jerv3a responded:
Thank you so much for your encouragement. What does AMA stand for? I am not too good with all of the abbreviations. (-: We have talked and we are both in agreement to actually try again because our first was one of the biggest surprises of both of our lives. I believe that he realizes that although prior to being pregnant I never desired to have children, since carrying her for 5 months, it is unimaginable to not be a mother. I am 32 and although that is still kind of young, I don't want to wait too long because that may create more issues/problems but, hopefully and prayerfully not. We talked about beginning to give things a go in Feb of 09 which is when my original due date was.

We do talk about a lot of things that went on and how we feel and it helps both of us. My ob told me that it was up to us. He asked if I wanted to go back on any birth control and I told him no. And he was ok with that but focused on wanting me to be healed physically and mentally and to be focused on the future and not dwell on the loss. My doctor is and has been very good throughtout everything and told me that with the next pregnancy there would be ultrasounds done frequently I believe beginning at 16 weeks or so. So, that was comforting. I know that when the time is right we will have a strong and healthy little one and when he or she is old enought we will be able to tell him or her about their older sister that did not make it.

It is still just so hard. Harder then ever imaginable. Every time I get on this site I fill up. It helps a lot to know that I am not alone because when I first went through everything, I felt kind of alone in the situation and then in talking to others, it is amazing how many people that I know personally have gone through such an experience. I am very grateful for my bf being there and ALL of the family support I had. I have two sisters and my mom and I am the first to have a miscarriage. That was a little bothersome but, as they say it is not uncommon.

I hope that you are successful in your future pregnancy!!!! I will keep you in my prayers for the utmost success. Everything will work out just fine for both of us.

Miscarrying has made me realize how important it is to live every day to the fullest extent possible. I hope you do the same.
 
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twinbg responded:
I was carrying twins a boy and a girl and had a miscarriage at 5 months. My boyfriend is 47 he has never had any children I am 44 and have 3 children 2 girls 25 and 24 and my son is 22 from my first husband. I want so badly to have Garrison and Jenna my older children were excited even my ex and his family were excited. My boyfriend and his family were exstatic. I don't know what happened it just all came so fast. I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I look around the house and see all the baby things and the ultra sound photo's and when I sit in the rocker it is like i can see them sitting in there rockers too. My heart is broken. I will pray for all of you and I am deeply sorry for all of the loss that you all have gone through as well I do know how you feel we are strong women and we will get through this in time.
 
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Sexyy responded:
Was the baby still inside you when you lost it?
 
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Sexyy responded:
What are some reasons that a woman miscarries at 5 months


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