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is this a good place for support?
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heatherneedstosmile posted:
is this a good place for support from grief?
ive just had a miscarriage. And it hit me so hard, because almost 6 yrs ago i had a still born daughter, i was 6 months, she had a neural tube defect, i delivered a silent dead baby, held her, had a funeral, then tried to kill myself even tho i had a 3 yr old daughter at home. I was so over come with grief that ove the past yrs i gained a ton of weight , depression got worse, ive been hospitalized several times for suicide, and now have alot of health problems despite losing 60 pounds. i never dealt with her loss, until dec 09 i started grief therapy with my therapist. ive always had irregular periods, i take coumadin, and i got what i thought was my period after 3 months of not having one, it was so bad, gushing heavy, terrible cramps. the coumadin dr told me it was normal. that night i left in an ambulance to find i was pregnant. and my inr was 4.8, very high. diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage, i worried and cried for 2 days until i had the test done to see if my hcg level went up or down. it dropped from almost 3000 to just 600. yes i was having a miscarriage. that was several days ago and im dealing with it better, im now with a man who is there for me and loves me. but it still hurts alot, and i always blame myself, im the carrier, im the one whos sick and takes 20 medications a day ..... so on monday im having the hcg test redone to make sure it went all the way down to prevent complications., and then ill most likely get the I.U.D, as its the only contraceptive without hormones in it. i cant have any hormones due to blood clots, im on coumadin for life. im just so sad. i wasnt even thinking about having a baby , but just knowing i lost another one is devastating. when the dr came in and said ur pregnant, i lost it and said no not again im sry. i had a panic attack and they had to put meds in my i.v. i knew i was miscarrying but couldnt face it so i held hope until the gyn called and said the baby was gone. So ive stopped bleeding, and i felt dirty, i could smell myself, so i took my shower and douched, now my stomach hurts, and i read ur not supposed to do that after a miscarriage, but i cant find anywhere that says it causes stomach pain, i think maybe i just need to go to the bathroom. im hoping im ok. i have enough going on.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Heather,

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. If you continue to feel worse and suspect infection, please return to the hospital.

I'm so glad you have a good man in your life and that you are in therapy. I hope you will continue with therapy to help you work on all of these issues.

And yes, you found a wonderful, supportive community here but it may take a while for others to see and respond as things can get quiet here on the weekends. (((hugs)))

Be gentle with yourself.
 
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Starla_94 responded:
I'm so sorry for your loss heather.. I'm so glad to hear your in therepy i really think that is the best for you..

You can lurk around on other boards as well and see all the great feedback and woman and support..

If you havn't gone the bathroom in awhle it will make your tummy hurt.. i had lots of cramping with my M/C still get it from time to time even thouh my sac is disolving and my numbers are less then 100 now..

Check with your doc about what you can take to help "move things" Drink lots of water and eat a higher fiber diet

because of your meds i would rather you check with your doc to make sure things are safe for you to take..

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I found great support here with my First Pregancy and my second that ended just shortly after i found out

I love these boards and why i came back as soon as i found out i was PG

Take care of you ok?

Happy Mothers Day!
 
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heatherneedstosmile replied to Starla_94's response:
Thank you both. i go tomorrow for another hcg test, will know tomorrow afternoon, once its ok im getting the i.u.d inserted, ive already discussed it with my gyn, its the only contraceptive i can take with no hormones. I go to therapy tues, my therapist doesnt even know yet. im afraid im gonna break down there. im doing ok, still spotting and been cramping bad all day. i have ibs so i know about the stomach pain, its not that type of pain. Starla, r u currently preg? if so congrats, and thank u i had a nice mothers day, my daughter got me a dozen pink roses. ill post tomorrow when i get the results.
 
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heatherneedstosmile replied to Starla_94's response:
ok so my hcg is down to 80, ill get another test next week. im in pain and i want this to be over.i broke down today and cried bad into a pan ic attack.. better now.
 
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Starla_94 replied to heatherneedstosmile's response:
I know how you feel i broke down to my hubby shortly after.. I just told him i wanted this to be over with and he was like what? and i was like i just wnat my body to understand its not PG.. My head knows my heart is understanding but the rest of me still shows the symptoms..

The achs and pains.. the hormones.. and the constant reminder every time i went to the bathroom and saw more blood

I'm not currently PG Heather, but we are TTC I'm not expecting to get PG probably for another month as i'm not sure when my cycle starts up for sure. .so we are "Practicing" till then lol


Your emotional pain will continue for some time. .and as i'm sure you know from your first loss it never really goes away.. You can learn to forgive but never forget. its ok.. Everyone is different on what works for them to help them cope..

My hubby and i wern't trying for my first DS (6 1/2 yo).. he was an accident.. and i had a great PG.. we wern't trying again for #2 it was another accident.. one i've been hoping for , for months and years..

I found out i was PG and then a week later M/C I was devastated but i was lucky to find a purpose and reason and get some closure so quickly.

for me TTC is a big part of my healing..

My heart goes out to you and hope you start to physically feel better soon.. I do know that it took me at least a week or two of physical pain.. when the spotting stopped i was Relieved!

Take care of you.. so you can be there for your daughter
 
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brandib01 replied to heatherneedstosmile's response:
how you are feeling is completely normal. as i like to tell people and you seem to understand from your first loss now is that you have to let yourself grieve. the crying will come less often and you have to remember that it is not your fault. i have know women to be on alot of meds and still get pg. there is one woman on these boards who has some issues like me (endo and pcos) that was on a form of chemo and still got pg but lost it around the same time i lost my angel. i have been ttc for almost 4 years now and have had 2 losses and knowing i was TTC i did everything i was supposed to and still had losses. just know it is not your fault there is no right thing to say it just sucks and your feelings are valid.you have the right to grieve as long as you need and i am glad you have a good support system and talking with someone always helps. i hope you get to feeling better take care
 
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heatherneedstosmile replied to brandib01's response:
thank u both, as im writing this my eyesare flooded with btears. i have so much pain, physically,mentally,emotionally, not ju st from this, this was just the latest devastation.
im not coping verywell and my rage is comingback, ialso suffer from bipolar. my life is just in shambles full of pain, how much can 1 persont ake, luckily my daughter lives w my parents and doesnt have to see me like this again. im sry i gtg


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