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Mandy_Smiles posted:
Back in April my husband and I lost our first baby when I was in the 13th week. I had to get a D&C and the doctor said that we could start trying again once I had a period. I had a period in May so we started using home ovulation tests and eating all of the right 'fertility' foods, etc... I really felt like we did everything right and we would be pregnant again. I am due for my period this week and a few days ago I took 2 pregnancy tests hoping for some early results. They were both positive with faint (but very distinct) lines. I called my doctor because she said that the next time I was pregnant she wanted to do testing on me. She wanted me to go into her office for the blood work that very same day, no if's and's or but's. That kinda freaked me out that she wanted me to come in so suddenly. It made me realize that I could be the reason I lost my first baby and they are trying to stop it from happening again. Once I knew I had to go to the doctor that day I called my husband and told him that I had 2 positive tests and I wanted to tell him this time in a cute way but he would know something was up when he see's that I had blood drawn today and he would get upset because he goes with me to all baby related appointments. Well, yesterday I received a call from the doctor saying that there was no pregnancy hormone in my system at all. I am not pregnant. She said that I must have gotten 2 defective tests? What are the odds of having 2 defective tests? I received that phone call at work so I just sat at my desk and continued doing my work with tears streaming down my face for a few hours. I e-mailed my husband to tell him and he wrote back with a positive e-mail saying that there is always next month. When I got home last night my husband seemed to be happy and when I fell into his arms he admitted to me (I wish that he hadn't) that he thought I was pulling his leg and just saying that so that I had another chance to announce it to him in a fun way. I wish that were the case, but it is not and I had to let him down once again. I just feel like a failure as a woman. We will try again next month, but I am just so ready for it to happen right now. When she told me I wasn't pregnant it was like I was grieving for the loss of the baby I was pregnant with all over again. I cannot talk to my friends or family because they think that we have to be over our loss to even start trying again but I will never get over the loss of my sweet angel baby. Why is it so easy for some people to have children and so difficult for us? I guess that is something that I will never understand.
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Brubee responded:
Oh honey Im sorry you werent preggo. It is really weird to get two defective tests I have never heard of that before. Maybe call the company and compain. It wont make you feel any better but you may find out that there were abunch of defective ones and it will bring it to there attention. Any whoo your hubby is right there is always next month. Please dont fell like less of a woman, these things happen. I suggest that you go get a massage or mani/pedi to pamper your self. you deserve it. Im praying that you get your baby soon. God Bless you. ~B~
 
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Mandy_Smiles responded:
I forgot to mention that I got into a very bad car accident last Friday and totaled my car. I walked away without a scratch, but I no longer have a car. We have the disappointment of the whole car situation on top of all of this.

A small part of me wonders if I was actually pregnant again and the egg just didn't stick? It is just mind baffling to me to have 2 defective tests. But you would think that something would have showed up on the doctor's blood test then.

I know that there is always next month, but I just find myself wondering how long I can keep being heartbroken every month and if it will ever happen for us. It would have been easier to have my period, but having the positive tests and feeling that happiness again just to be crushed. I have also not started my period yet, and I just wish it would come and get it over with so that we would officially be in the next month of trying again. My husband said that he will hold out hope until I have my period. I don't know why him holding onto some hope is just so hard for me to deal with. I had the blood test done, I am not pregnant, end of story. I guess that this whole situation... just stinks.
 
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teacherbeck replied to Mandy_Smiles's response:
Hey MandySmiles,
I remember reading a post from you on first tri. I am so sorry that happened to you
I don't know if you read my follow up post, but someone close to me had the same thing happen (with the false pos/ defective test), and it was an emotional roller coaster for them and a huge disappointment. I am so sorry you had to go through that, especially after losing your precious LO at 13 weeks.
I lost a baby at 20 wks last summer, so I know the disappointment, sadness, and fears it brings as you begin to TTC again. We took a 6 month break, b/c I was just an emotional basket case, before TTC again in January. I went from this board to the Trying To Conceive After Loss board and the ladies on there were sweet, supportive, and a wealth of knowledge (which I credit to DH and I being able to get a BFP more quickly this time). When you're ready to try again, consider lurking or posting on there, they really are wonderful! You may have been there already and I just don't remember If so, apologies!
When we were TTC the first time, it took us about a year, and I was really starting to worry about being able to get pg at all. Then we got our BFP, only to lose him halfway through the pregnancy. When we were ready to try again, I was trying to steel my heart for months and months of disappointment, but this time I only had 2 months of crying when my cycle showed up before getting a BFP (pos home preg test) the 3rd month. All that to say that I am proof that just b/c it may have taken a while the first time doesn't mean it will again. And I know many women on PAL who have had losses and gone on to have healthy babies. So there is lots of hope, try to hold on to that.
I wanted to add I'm sorry about the added stress of your car :mad: So NOT what you needed right now!
(((((hugs)))))
 
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Mandy_Smiles replied to teacherbeck's response:
Brubee & TeacherBeck, thank you for your responses. I know that even if we did everything perfect there is still only something like a 20% chance of becoming pregnant. I just wish that I didn't have the positive tests and I wish that I would just start my period already! So frustrating to be stuck in limbo. This is just such a difficult week with the false positives and the car accident. I am the type to just keep smiling through the pain (hince Mandy_smiles) so that nobody asks me about anything. Lately I just feel like screaming instead of smiling. Finding the right car has just been such a difficult task. We both work full time and have opposing schedules so we are doing a lot of online shopping unfortunately. I just keep thinking to myself that everything could be much worse. All of the bad luck just seemed to happen all at once so I am due for some good luck for awhile from now on! Glass must remain half full. Bring on the good luck! Maybe I should play the lotto tonight? haha


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