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i shouldnt be this way...
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mom21cuteboy05 posted:
think i should just not log in to face book for the next 9 months! a friend acutally got on and post us pics to announce their pregnant... and on my wall there it is in capital letters GO LOOK AT MY PICS!!! just like that... oh well happy for her but i didnt need it in caps below the pics its also in caps the due dats and all!! joy another friend gonna have a new baby think i will just become friendless for the next few months till i can figure myself out, if thats even possible
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teacherbeck responded:
I know, I'm sorry. It WILL get better, but it will take awhile!
After my loss it seemed like everyone was pregnant... 3 of my students had expecting moms, the lady who took our school pics was pg, I went to a church function and the special speaker was pg, I went to another church function and they were passing around a newborn (who I couldn't look out for fear of bursting into tears), and a family member and a close friend both announced pregnancies. I had a hard time; I was happy for them, but it was a jealous-happy and it hurt.

I really didin't even want to leave the house beyond going to work and church. I just found it too hard to see pg women and babies EVERYWHERE. It was months before it was MY idea to go out to dinner or a movie, and I still have not been to a baby shower (even though we are expecting again, I skipped a baby shower for a friend in May- I just didn't think I could go without bawling my eyes out!)
Well, the family member who'd annoucned her pg ended up losing her baby; I just ached for them and what I knew they were going through, and I felt bad that I had ever been jealous of them. It reminded me that there aren't any guarantees, for me OR others. Even though I knew I wasn't the only women to go through this, I just never expected it to happen to anyone else in my close circle. It really shocked me all over again
That situation changed my perspective; I didn't assume "they" would get the happy ending I was denied, and instead of instant hurt at someone else's BIG announcement, I began to feel just a little hurt, a sting of what should have been, and then I would hope, hope, and pray that they won't ever have to know what THIS feels like!
I'm so sorry about the FB. It does feel like such a slap in the face No woman should have to go through this loss.
I hope my story is encouraging to you (and I hope it doesn't come off wrong, either- I had a long hard road of healing and I know you will, too. But it did change my perspective and helped me heal, so I hope it helps you ,too!)
((((hugs)))))
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to teacherbeck's response:
its not that im not happy for them i am happy others can have that happiness but hse shouldnt of done it that way it was kinda like a salp in the face although not intentionlly done to hurt me but it was boastful bragging you knowim happy they are expecting i just dont want my nose rubbed in it and thats what it felt like it been 9 months i should have my baby now and even though i dont have my baby im not were i thought i would be emotionally by now i was scared to death when i got pregnant with my son after my first mc i was parniod about it but once i hit 12 weeks i was like yes! thenits like ok now i have to make it to 26 weeks yes! we did it! i was on needles andthen his entry into this world was just a caotic an emergnecy c-section and i was put to sleep his heart rate had dropped and would come back up wheni would up my husband was saying 7lb 10oz 20in long healthy baby boy... everybody i know has that healthy babies, healthy pregnancies and my friend is actually 15 weeks just didnt say anything to anybody. im thankful i have my healthy boy 5 yrs old and hes the light of my life he is where my joy comes from...
 
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Joktm1 replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
My work gave me all this week off because I miscarried on Thursday and had my D&C on Friday. Everyone at my work is basically pregnant. Just like you I am happy for everyone but it hurts knowing I lost my bundle of joy and I have to take part in their happiness soon. This was my first baby and one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. My best friend wanted to come over today and bring my god children and I told her know cause I am not ready to see them yet. Today I was at the lake and started crying cause I saw a little girl with her mom and dad in the lake. My godsons 1st b-day is July 29th and I am helping my best friend plan his party. I feel like I am crazy with grief. I cry out of nowhere and now I am getting hot flashes from the hormones going nuts. You are not alone .
<hugs>
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to Joktm1's response:
was doing ok until today it has been almost a year since my granny passed and my m/c and today someone at work was telling everyone one ishe is expecting her socond baby she is 11 weeks, happy for her and im sure its not intentional but she seems to directing her happiness at me telling ME the names she likes, ME that she is hoping for a boy since she ahs a girl i got littler irritated but kept my mouth shut its like everytime i turned around she was there telling me something and we are not even in the same area happy for her happy for anyone who get pregnant so easily they are blessed but not is not the time to be telling me i am emotional anyway with the one year mark coming ever so close i just need to get past this last hurdle till i think i wil be ok i made it through thanksgiving, christmas, easter, mothers day , my birthday it just seems when i am stating to be ok i get knocked back down.... i am happy for her but kinda wishing atleast for thenext week or so she wouldfollow someone else around telling her dreams to my dreams were shattered now i need to make new ones but i dont know how
 
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Amelia_WebMD_Staff replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
I'm so sorry mom21cuteboy05. Does this person not know what you have been through? If not, I would definitely mention it and she will hopefully back off and have some respect. You have come a long way and I know that she is not making this hard time in your life easy. (((hugs))) to you. Please talk to her and let her know how you feel. Take care of yourself.
Best Wishes! Amelia
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to Amelia_WebMD_Staff's response:
thanks yes she does know what about what i have been through which i think is one reason that it iritates me that she is following me around telling me things and to top it all off i was notified today that my dad died. i wasnt close with him he wasnt involved in my life until i was 20 and then he was only present for a couple of years he knew i had a son he had baby pics but then that was it. he sisters apparently had been trying to find me cause they cant claim his body because legally i am his next of kim and after talking with the coroner and the estates office or whatever it is called everything he has is mine i have to decide if his sisters can cremate him which they want to do cause he had been dead for a few days in 110 degree weather in LA they think that will be best and its not my place to say they cant i dont think but they didnt have anything to do with him at all i have had more contact with him in the last 30 years than they have! but they sayif hes got pics they would like them and so forth i made a photo album for him wheni first met him with pics from from childhood and i told them i think thats all i would like if they found it i dont want his things i think they should be sold to help pay final expenses or donated to a local charity since he was homless at one time in the past i dont want to gain anything from his death but the peace of mind that i have handled his arragnments to the best of my ablility and iplan to wheni have the money to bury his ashes in the same cemettary as his parents cause i believe he deserves that but i dont want them to gain from it either what he had is his they ignored him for 30 years he ignored me for 25 of my 29years so i dont know what im saying finding this out so close to the anniversary of my mc and my grannys death is like desja vue! oct definatly isnt my month anymore! i dont know how to handle his estate from home since it is on the other side of the us i dont know... nothing like getting kicked when you just got up and not even getting to your knees and getting kicked a few more times as if to tell you to "stay down!"
life's a.......
 
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Amelia_WebMD_Staff replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
Okay, I'm gonna lose all hope in karma if things don't turn around for you soon!!! I am so sorry to hear about your father and now you having to deal with the sisters as well. Ugh! You are doing things in such an honorable fashion and should be so proud of yourself for respecting your father, even though things haven't been perfect in that department as well. You are a beautiful person, remember this!!

Now, you deserve a break! I wish that you and your family could plan something special this weekend (or for longer). Get away from everything and everyone around you for at least a night and enjoy each other! You need something for you! What makes you happy? Do you have a hobby, or something that you always dreamed to do or learn? I know when everything around me is falling apart, it has helped to stop and realize that life is too short and I find some focus to keep sane. Whether it is picking up a photography class, making Halloween crafts with the LO or just getting a massage and new hairstyle...I hope that you do something for you this week. Please keep me posted on how everything is going. (((hugs))) to you!!! I'm crossing my fingers for you.
Best Wishes! Amelia
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to Amelia_WebMD_Staff's response:
know what you mean about karma whats the point in doing the right thing when you seemed to get punished anyway i guess you could see it as the devil being after me cause im doing the right thing! we cant get away my grandpa lives with me and he wouldnt go too so someone would have to stay with him everyone is telling me i need an attorny since i am in al and he lived in ca i dont know no point till the coroners office calls after they seach his apartment to find the value of his estate if its less than 100,000 theni can take possession of it if not i have to go through probate but i plan on getting any pictures or papers he had but his funerture will be sold to help pay for his final cost and if i cant do that then it can be donated to a local homeless shelter or somethingit will cost 352 to have him creamated per his sisters wishes and then 600 to bury his ashes in the cemetary near his parents i will do that later maybe in 6 months or so till i can go out there and witness it i want to be there for that. but it would be nice to get away and forget my troubles but, they will stillbe here waiting on me... i definatly am not telling my dr about this cause he will use it as an excuse not to tie me tubes again.... oh well, another hurdle to jump....lets see how hard i hit the ground this time..,.
 
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Amelia_WebMD_Staff replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
(((more hugs)))

When my father passed away his wish was to be cremated as well. Have you given any thought to sprinkling his ashes over his parents graves instead of a burial? This would save you in cost and you could keep some of the ashes with you as well as give some to the sisters. (I am definitely not trying to disrespect his or your wishes in any way to make savings more important.) I just love that each of our family members carries a piece of my own father with us, which we sprinkle in our own special places when reminded and places that meant a lot to his life. It has been a peaceful remembrance and we can come together and share thoughts or do this in private as well.

I hope that things go well with the estate and hearing from the coroner's office. Hopefully, a lawyer won't be needed and things will come together easier than expected. As far as your doctor, do what is best for you. I'm praying for you and sending the best karma vibes, so please keep me posted!!
Best Wishes! Amelia
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to Amelia_WebMD_Staff's response:
none if know his true wishes but because of the state of him body i am choosing to have him creamated his sisters chose not to be a part of his life he chose not to be a part of mine he tried for a little bit but that faded aaway i guess cause we lived so far away. now that i think about it i do regret i didnt try harder to get to know him once he quit calling i never knew where he was or how to get in contact with him but i havent moved he has had my address for 10 years nearly. i am reconsidering burying him in ca and i am thinking about bringing him out here to be buried i could bruy him in the same cemetary as my granny but not next to her she didnt like him.. like most well all of my family i dont feel right making these decisions for him but them i dont feel it is his sisters place to choose either. he led his life as a loner for the most part i just hope i am doing things they way hewould have liked i cant ask him so all i can do ispray and see what comes to me.
 
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mama2ntk replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. I can relate on some level and all I can say is when it rains it pours. I just lost my dad too, in July and a month before that I had a m/c at 11 weeks after having a chemical pg. in March. Now I'm getting over an ectopic pregnancy. Talk about karma! It makes you question everything. But, you know they say "God won't give you what you can't handle" so maybe look at it that way instead of the opposite, kwim? Also, just remember with the could've, would've, should've's you can't change the past, just know that your father is looking down at you and that whatever happened or didn't happen he loves you and is proud of you. Now here's to this year being over and hopefully a new year with happier times and not so much sadness.
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to mama2ntk's response:
am sorry for losses as well life really sucks sometimes and honestly, you made me cry... i only cried when i first found out. it does bother me now that there isnt a chance for us to really get know each other and his grandson. he made his choices in life but i am thankful i did find him back in 02 he seen wedding pics he seen pics of his grandson when he was born and when my son was about 6 months we just stopped talking he was a loner and ididnt really expect him to stick around i guess thats why i let our half way of a realationship slip awayits true i let him off the hook just like my mother didbut she didnt turn to be too hot of a parent either so.... you are right there is no point in what if or coulda would shouldas... but its there i have so much in my life to be thankful for my husband my son my papa we are all in good health my too for an 85 yr old man:) but the last year is nothing but loss loose my baby loose my granny and i finally feel like life living my life again and i loose my dad loss loss everywhere and nowhere to escape it there are people on here that know just what i am saying...someone said to me that i didnt have to take care of my dad, what had he ever done for me?, he created me he is my blood, he is half of the reason i exist, without him i wouldnt be here, reguardless of what roll or influence he had in my life or not in my life he gave me life as much as my mother did i cant hate him i do realize now i did live him but i dont think i ever told him i never really knew him well enough to tell him that. i really hope i can do things the way he would have wanted but we will never know.. thanks for all the support i really need it right now
 
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mom21cuteboy05 replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
wanted to clarify isaid you made me cry, it was your words about coulds beens shoulda been and woulda beens...
 
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Amelia_WebMD_Staff replied to mom21cuteboy05's response:
I agree with mama2nthk and believe that you are a wonderful daughter to him for wanting to honor his wishes and that his spirit is proud. It sounds like he was going through some rough times in his life and not willing to let others in. I don't think that you are one to blame by any means and possibly he was protecting your family in some way by this distance. Please know that you are doing the right thing and just by going with what your heart tells you to do, I'm sure that is all he would want as his wish. (((hugs)))
Best Wishes! Amelia


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