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    Just a day
    avatar
    anjuls posted:
    It was a hard day. I try to stay positive and I do have days that are happy. -And, I know I have my husband and children to thank for that. But, that sinking feeling kept on creeping in today. I had an old friend call me apologizing for my loss, the problem is, I didn't tell her yet. She was someone I was avoiding for the time being, because she has a beautiful newborn son. I was planning on calling her soon, maybe sometime this week. -And I'm okay talking about it when its on my own terms. The call just caught me completely off guard. I wasn't ready for anyone to approach me. I know she made the call out of love and concern and I do love and thank her for that. But this pain is mine and I have to heal little by little in my own way. I just wasn't ready...
    Reply
     
    avatar
    smatusiak responded:
    I can understand that. I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt it was a personal thing for my husband and me to deal with ourselves. Unfortunately we needed a babysitter for our daughter during my D&E so we told my parents. Then of course we had to tell my husband's parents to make it "fair" I guess. Our parents were concerned and trying to help, but like you, we wanted to do it on our own terms and not have them in our face all the time. It became smothering. As time has gone on, we have told very few people, just our sisters and two very close friends. Maybe when we finally have good news to spread, we will let out our secret, but for now we don't want the pity or to have to constantly talk about it, even though we know it's all out of love and concern. There are definitely good days and bad days. One of my best friends is pregnant and that's difficult and every time I see a baby or pregnant woman, it makes me stop and remember. But I also see my own daughter and realize how lucky I am to have her. Although losing a baby has been terrible, it has definitely made me appreciate what I do have and be more grateful.
    Susan (31), DH - Brian (35), DD - Kayla (8/23/08), m/c - 9/8/10


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