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I lost my baby on Sunday 3/15/11
An_187304 posted:
This was my first pregnancy and I was 6 and 1/2 weeks along. We were both so excited to find out that we were expecting. I will turn 31 tomorrow and I can't help but think I may be too old to try to have a baby. I am having trouble understanding how I should feel. One minute I am ok and the next I am a basket case again. I have been dealing with all of this alone for the most part. I keep having to remind myself that I am not pregnant anymore. I feel like there are a lot of people who are disappointed in me, like its my fault that it happened. Maybe I did something wrong? I started bleeding heavily late saturday night/sunday morning while on vacation. I passed a very large clot and at that point we both knew what had happened and it was only a matter of time before the doctor cofirmed on Monday. If anyone has any advice, please feel free to leave it. I would greatly appreciate any help or advice.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my story.
Lysana responded:
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Gentle (((hugs))).

You did NOT do anything wrong. Sadly, miscarriages are not all that uncommon, although you usually don't hear much about them until one happens to you.

You are also NOT too old to try to have a baby. My third baby was born after I had been 31 for six months, and all three of my children have been born since I was 27 (one month away from 28). There are many women older than you who have children. (((hugs)))

It is normal to feel one way one minute and another way the next. Some of that is because of how your hormones are changing, and some of that is just because this is a traumatic time. There is no particular way you "should" be feeling, and no particular way you "should" handle your loss. For each woman, it is different.

I have had 2 losses, one in January 2006; the second was, in fact, on 3/15/11 (I think maybe your loss was more recent, on 5/15? Just this past Sunday? 3/15 was a Tuesday...a day I'll never forget.) My first loss was a blighted ovum, which means the egg was fertilized and the baby never grew. My recent was at 11 weeks 1 day, and we had already seen what appeared to be a healthy little baby on ultrasound at 8 weeks. On that day, my baby measured 11 weeks, but had no heartbeat...meaning we'd lost him or her in the previous 24 hours.

But I have had three healthy children born in between my two losses. Just because you have had one miscarriage, that doesn't mean you'll have one the next time you are pregnant - if and when you are emotionally ready to try again. Do not feel pressured to try again soon if you aren't ready, though. And likewise, if you ARE ready, do not feel like you haven't waited long I said before, the grieving process is different for every woman.

Sending you lots of love and prayers for healing and peace.

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