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Bitter towards pregnant family members
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jennyinga posted:
A little more than a year and half ago my husband I started trying to have another child. We already have two wonderful, handsome sons, but my husband comes from a large family and we decided that we would like one too. The months started adding up and still no results. Then in Feb 09 we finally had positive results, but our joy did not last long because two days later I miscarried. Meanwhile my husbands brother and his wife annouced they too were expecting and the due date was just days after mine. I was slightly jealous but sucked it up. Over the next year we had several more disappointments, miscarriages, doctor appointments, and some painful procedures. Then in Jan 11 we became pregnant again and were very hopeful, this time no bleeding, cramping, and my hormone levels were climbing. Then on Jan 25th the problems started again, bleeding cramping but this time it was different I was in tremendous pain. Soon my pregnancy was determined to by ectopic and my ovary and tube had ruptured and I had to have emergency surgery. But two days before this happened this time my husbands sister and boyfriend annouced they too were expecting and due a week before me. When she came to visit in the hospital she spoke of her pregnancy which I found to be poor bedside manners, and she makes up any reason to try and talk to me about her pregnancy as often as she can. My feelings are hurt and I have been left feeling slightly bitter and jaded. I mean how could this happen to me twice? Its bad enough to have to see my sister in laws pregnant but then they have childern the same age ours would have been? My husbands family said that I should be happy for them and just get over it because were family. But no one is being respectful towards my feelings or my husbands for that matter. I don't wish any harm on them or for anything bad to happen I just don't want it shoved down my throat everytime I have to be around them. Is that too much to ask?
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linnylou217 responded:
dont think this is asking too much. i am on the opposite side of the fence, my oldest sister has been trying to have a baby for over 7 years, having tests done but no real answers. I am on my second child and i know this kills her inside. i have learned that i will talk to her about things when she asks, i don't just start complaining about how i feel because i know she would take whatever pains i had plus some to have a baby. i was also told i wouldn't have children so i felt the same way before having my son. i felt like people were rubbing it in my face that they could have a baby and i couldn't. i have learned that with the excitement of an impending birth, you sometimes say things that could hurt someone else. so maybe just sit down with them and say, i will try to see things through your eyes if you could see things through my eyes, to try to see how certain things hurt me. i hope the best for you and hope that you are granted another loving child. good luck and God bless
 
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BabyAngelSonia responded:
Not asking too much at all. I feel the same way. I had a m/s last year and went into labor at 19 weeks. At the same time I had 2 friends pregnant and 2 family members pregnant. I knew they were excited about their pregnancy but they knew what my situation was. I was also bitter, sad and at times angry with them. I hated hearing about their little aches and pains. What about the pain of a broken heart coming home from the hospital with empty arms? My boyfriends sister was complaining about how her back hurt after, how it was too hard on her body to ever have any more and how she was too old (35). I was sitting their thinking to myself, she had a normal pregnancy and was able to come home with her baby. What about all the women who want babies and haven't been able to conceive? Or those like myself that will have to be on bed rest? They just don't think how it affects us..............
 
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cclingen responded:
I just miscarried my baby and had to have a D&C yesterday june the 2nd. I know how u feel i have a nephew whos girlfriend is pregnant and his mother my sis in law insists on talking about her non stop even when we told her i might be miscarring she had to tell me all about her. I didnt really care all i cared about was my baby and that i was losing my baby. I have been trying for 9 years to have a baby wanted a baby for over 20 years. so if it was me id tell them if it was me id be over the moon at every ache and pain ure feeling because id know that my baby was fine and that my pregnancy was going well. or u could politely ask them to give u some time before talking to u about it. Or walk off when they start talking about baby. they will eventually get the picture. you could also start talking about the way they make u feel when they talk about their aches and pains....tell them what its like to lose a baby.....
 
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jennyinga replied to cclingen's response:
I have stated my feelings several times about the problem and since the first post things have really come to a head. This is not her first go around being pregnant and giving birth but somehow, I am now the bad person because I dont wish to carry on a conversation about my sister in laws pregnancy and I guess also its my fault she talked about her pregnancy to me a few hours after my surgery and how happy she was, and that two months later she asked if I was wearing a materinty dress and where could she buy one (It was not a materinty dress and I am a fit 130 lb woman and the dress was form fitting), and that she wants to know what I wash my face with and if could harm her unborn child if she washed her face with the same thing (by the way I wash with baking soda never known for it to be too dangerous) but she made a real big deal out of it until I acknowledged she was pregnant and that baking soda it a natural substance, and she now whines to my husbands family that I will not talk to her (these are just a few of the many digs she has made). It is kinda hard to keep smiling and to be polite when you really want to drop kick her in the face so that she my catch a clue about her self and the pain she causes me.
 
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jennyinga responded:
Thank you all for you're support I am now glad to know that this is a totally rational feeling
 
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thefroggy123 responded:
I know how you feel. I've had 3 miscarriages and only one successful pregnancy (the 1st one). My sister in law seems to always rub it in that she has 2 kids and is pregnant with the 3rd one. To me, however, it is like a dagger to the heart when she does this, just because I have genetic problems and can't have kids like she can. Since she does this, I have become bitter towards her and avoid being around her at any costs.


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