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I'll never be called mommy
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ManiacMandy posted:
I'm gonna take this time to vent. It'll make 5 years, on June 16th, that my man and I have been together. On this same day, it'll be 2 years since I had my miscarriage...and the very next day my dog(which are the only kids I'll ever have)got hit by a car and died.
All of this after trying to conceive for 3 years.....being on fertility pills and doing the temp charts every single day, religiously, for 20 months.
....I had prayed every night, that we would conceive. God listened..but soon changed his mind. I can NOT understand how God can hear my prayers, see what I'm going through, know how bad I want to be a mom..and he gives it to me, and snatches it back.
I see pregnant women and I am overcome with hurt and jealously, and I want to hate all of them....but it's not their fault.
My brothers wife said.."I'm NEVER having kids. I don't want a living thing growing inside of me!".................guess what..she's due in September. WHY?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
why would God do that? Recently a woman gave birth to her 8th child....7 of which welfare took from her...and this #8 pregnancy was kept secret the whole time so "they couldn't take it". She gave birth to this precious gift from God in an out-building on her moms property...she then put a plastic bag over its little head and tied an apron around his little neck. She then just tossed him behind the building..where he would remain for 13 days before he was discovered.
All of this just makes me doubt a lot of things. I give up. No use trying anymore. It's ok though..June 16th....sounds like a good day for me to "log off" ~I fell in love with you when you were forming in my womb. Now I carry you in my heart instead of my arms~
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DJBJMB responded:
Well I have to say I can underastand what u have in question, I have lost 3 me and my husband, we do have a dd 15 and an adopted nephew 4. I wish I could give u an answer as to why some women can just spit babies out and care less about the value of a child, I too have had issues with the SAME thing. Our neice , unwed in drugs and alcahol, had her son at 23 wks, he lived 6 mos never came home from hosp, she would go see him breifly then would b ready to go do her thing.... broke my heart seeing this, I think i would have slept on the floor of hospital, if id carried mine that long just to see them everyday. Im sorry you are going thru this it is torture, I had a mc just 3-2011. My advice would be is to take time to cry, hurt , and heal b4 deciding what to do next. I know I have 3 angel babies that I will see oneday in Heaven, but Im getting to the point were I think we want to try again, You never know when its your time so thats how Im looking at it that one day I will b blessed agian and bring forth life again!!! Hang in there
 
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brokeninside responded:
I had two pregnancy losses before I got married. I had two more in the first few years after I got married. After eight years we finally gave up and decided to buy motorcycles and try to enjoy being childless as much as possible. I got pregnant and my son is now four. I got pregnant again two years later and he is now almost 2. I felt the exact way you do now. I am not saying that all stories have happy endings....I am just saying it is still possible and don't let bitterness rule your life because your bitterness won't hurt anyone but you. I pray your journey will go more smoothly from here on out.


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