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Two losses in less than two months
brokeninside posted:
I had two pregnancy losses before I got married. I had two more in the first few years after I got married. After eight years we finally gave up and decided to buy motorcycles and try to enjoy being childless as much as possible. A few weeks after that I got pregnant and my son is now four. I got pregnant again two years later and he is now almost 2. I thought we were past all the heartache and problems.

I have always wanted a big family and it finally seemed like it was finally going to happen. Then my husband decided he didn't want any more and I was heartbroken. He never even discussed it with me...he just started telling people we were done having kids because I was so emotional and mean during my second pregnancy. I got pregnant while using protection in April and was terrified to tell him. When I did he was as excited as I was! Two days after I found out I started bleeding. I went to the doc and they confirmed that I had indeed been pregnant and that I had lost the baby. They told me to wait six to eight weeks before trying again.

After waiting for eight years for the first one and the second one taking four months of charting and trying we didn't bother to use any protection and withing 2 1/2 weeks I conceived again. At first I didn't realize I was pregnant and thought I had a urinary tract infection. I went to the doctor and they told me I was pregnant. I was excited but scared too. They did a quantitative hCG test and said that there might be something wrong. They did an ultra sound but it was too early to see anything. The next few weeks everything seemed fine and I kept thinking to myself,"Of course everything will be fine! God couldn't possibly be that cruel." I started spotting this last Friday and having mild cramps but my doc closes early on Fridays so I went to the ER. They did another hCG test and an ultra sound and said that there was no heart beat and it looked like there was something wrong with the baby anyway. I didn't have any real pain or bleeding until this morning...and this afternoon I passed everything.

My heart is broken and I am pissed off at myself for believing and at God for letting me down. My husband said,"At least we have two that we never thought we would have!" I told him I love my kids, but I refuse to be grateful that I have two out of EIGHT of my babies here on Earth with me.

I want to bring up trying again with my husband, but I am too dang chicken. The bottom line is, I am NOT done having babies!!! But what if God and/or my husband decide otherwise?

I know this is long, and I don't expect anyone to read all the way through it or comment.....I just needed to put what I was feeling into words.
oopyult responded:
I know your pain. I was pregnant in October and mc at 17wks, stopped growing at 13. 2 months ago I got pregnant again and it turned out to be a chemical miscarriage. Ease into the convo about trying again. I am sure he will want to try again too. My husband was very upset at first and we got into plenty of fights over trying bc I have 2 children from a previously relationship and I know he loves them like they were his own but at the same time he wants to be called daddy. Dont worry Just give it time. It will happen. Baby dust to you!!!!
bummedoutmama responded:
I am sorry to hear about all your loss. I give you props just for being able to carry on and still be open to go for it again. I recently experienced my 1st mc. I have a daughter who will be 2 in a week. She came by emergency csection 5 weeks early due to having sudden bleeding...felt like water broke but realised real quick that I was pouring blood out. after a week in nicu she was fine but that pregnancy made me so affraid to go again but i know i want another child. We got pregnant right away in fact the home test came up positive 3 times before a DR could confirm it. once they did we were over the moon...immediately i started scheduling appts since i was determined to know about any unexpected conditions early. Within just days of setting appts and being told i was about 4 weeks......i began cramping (which i did a little with my other child...figured it was implantation time) but once i started bleeding i was crushed....went to ER and was told I was losing my baby and nothing could stop it.

My story is nothing compared to yours but I just find myself shocked by how much it hurts emotionally to lose a baby even though I literally only knew I was pregnant for 1 week.
I know we will be trying and literature say waiting at least 1-2 months is recommended. I just pray third pregnancy will be the charm and maybe it will be uneventful.

Something that has helped me stay sane is to just live day by day. Your man will come around......they experience a strong sadness to the loss too even though for a lot of guys they don't show it as outwardly as us ladies do. Just make sure you are "there for him" also and not just the other way around.

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