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STILL UPSET AFTER 3 MONTHS :(
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candygirl131981 posted:
hi my name is candace and i had a miscarriage about 3mo ago now and i am still having some bad days i was just about 7wks pregnant..this past one makes it 3 for me now. my cousin and i were pregnant together it was great she was about 2wks ahead of me and she just found out she is having a girl..i am so happy for her but it destroyed me again. i know its been 3mo but i have not accepted it again..i was trying again with my husband but he thinks that maybe that is a bad idea since i am still not over this past one. I have no one to talk to welll friends, i do see a counselor but its not really helping at the moment, and my husband has accepted what happened and cant understand why i havent. I know it is difficult for men to understand completely but i just wish he did..i hear well see from a lot of the discussions how people have helped others but everytime i post i get nothing. i know i shouldnt rely on others but i thought this would have helped me..i guess i will just keep trying to accept my loss.
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bethann88 responded:
Hi Candace. I'm so sorry for your losses. (((HUGS))) But if it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. I can relate all too well to what you're going through. I've had two losses myself. One in May '09, and the most recent this past June.

During my first pregnancy, my sister-in-law was also pregnant. She was about four weeks ahead of me. After I lost mine (at 10wks) I remember how difficult it was when she would excitedly tell me about all her big pregnancy milestones. I was happy for her that everything was going well, but at the same time it just devastated me. It was all very painful reminders of what I should have been experiencing for myself. She went on to have a healthy baby boy and my nephew is now 19 months old. And even now when I see him doing something new, I often catch myself thinking "my little one would be doing those same things soon too". It makes me a little sad, but in a way, it's good. I get to watch my baby grow up through my nephew and I consider that such a blessing.

As far as husbands go, yes, they do deal with things much differently than we do. I have to give my DH a lot of credit, he was extremely supportive after our first loss. But after the second, well.... not so much. I feel like it's hardly phased him at all, while it's still something that is constantly on my mind. He just doesn't understand why it's not as easy for me to move on. I wish it was, but it just doesn't work that way....

I don't come to this board very much, but if you need someone to talk to, you can find lots of support on the Trying to Conceive After Loss board here on WedMD. That's where you can normally find me too (although since my most recent loss, I've mostly just been lurking). Feel free to post there, even if you decide to stop TTC for a while. There's lots of wonderful ladies there who can offer understanding and encouragement.

I wish you the best of luck and pray there will be good things down the road for you!
 
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candygirl131981 replied to bethann88's response:
Hello, thank you very much for the ((HUGS)), i actually needed that. I am so sorry for you losses as well. I know it really sucks but it is nice to know that i am not alone.

My DH has been so supportive even though he doesn't understand, I too give mine a lot of credit. I also thank him everyday. I will check out the other board thank you for everything you have said.

I am afraid that if I wait to TTC than it could go on for a while so I am not really sure that is a good idea. But for now I think i will continue to TTC and work on accepting what happen to our baby.

thank you again so much.
 
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kawinkel responded:
I got pregnant on my wedding night, April 2nd. I went in Wednesday for my 14 week 4 day appt. My husband didn't go with me; I told him there would be plenty of appts for him to go to since I thought it was just a routine check up. Went through the entire appt and the doctor got the doppler to listen to the heart beat. He couldn't find it with doppler and said it could be the tilt of my uterus. He went and got an US machine and found the baby which had NO cardiac activity and was measuring @ 11 weeks. I had to have a D&C Friday. Every where I turn, I find a reminder of something related to this baby or the pregnancy. My little sister came to spend the weekend with me. My husband has also accepted it and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I feel so alone and empty. My Daddy is a pastor and he sent me a book "Empty Arms" to cope with miscarriage. My heart goes out to you. Just know that you will see this child again and it will know you. Also know that you can get pregnant again and that something was chromosomally wrong with the baby or something was wrong with the pregnancy.
 
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candygirl131981 replied to kawinkel's response:
I am sorry I havent responded yet I just saw your post. I am so sorry for your loss. The past couple days have been ok for me but who knows how long it will last. My heart goes out to you as well. I will check out that book, thank you for letting me know. Has it helped you? Thank you for your kind words, believe it or not they do help. I wish you all the best and baby dust. Keep your head up.
 
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BabySamba replied to candygirl131981's response:
Hello,

I had a miscarriage 9 months ago at 6 1/2 weeks along. This was my first baby and I'm 37 years old. I had an extremely hard time for 5 months. What I found to help me was trying to get myself healthy. I exercised and ate healthy. This helped my body from wanting to shut down. Emotionally, I felt I did not have anyone to talk to either. My honey got over it quickly because I wasn't that fair along and the baby didn't quite look like a baby so he was over it quickly. I cried a lot and that helped but what I finally did that pulled me through was I planted a bush in memory of my little one. This was an idea I got from this site and it really did help. I cry sometimes but not like I used to. I feel I now have a place to go and water and think about my little one. I just recently found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant. I did not think it was going to happen but it has. I am extremely nervous and scared. I hope this pregnancy is a healthy one. I wanted to share a little about how I conquered my depression and hopeful give you some faith. Take care.
 
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candygirl131981 replied to BabySamba's response:
Hello,

First let me say that I am so sorry for your loss!! Sorry I didnt respond I have been away and finally got to check now. Thank you so much for sharing with me your story. I started going back to gym and I have found that that has been helping too. I am getting better, I cry sometimes but not as much. Our husbands sound the same, well they have the same thoughts about it. I does make it hard but I have learned that we all handle things like this differently and we all feel differently about it. I love your tree idea. My husband and I started trying again and I am trying to stay stress free but it is so hard.

I wish you and your baby all the best. I hope all goes great and you have your little one


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