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Having panic attacks after a full term birth loss, n two miscarriages..
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mistym123 posted:
Hello I don't know if this is mentally going to help me but I need to figure something out because I feel like I am destructing inside and I tried to talk to a professional and she told me to get over it.. Didn't go very well.. I first was told I never could get preg. due to being raped severely. Then in 2004 I got preg was blessed by God and then I went into labor and the nurses kept saying she was D celling and the doctor said we were fine.. Well 19 hours later my daughter was brought into this world and she was brain dead.. One month and three days later the state made us take her off life support and that is the day I lost Hope for everything.. I really went down hill.. I started doing drugs and drinking to escape then I got preg again and I had a miscarriage.. Then I lost it again and I got preg again the third time and she is healthy as can be she is 3 yrs old! I want another baby and we just had another miscarriage and before I could avoid the pain by doing illegal things but this time I have a wonderful 3 yr old that depends on me so I refuse! But I have been having severe panic attacks and then have been hospitalizing me. It broke my heart when my daughter knew she was having a baby and I thought so and then our dreams were crushed and it seemed 10 times harder having to tell her.. My heart rate is getting up around 280, bp 260/145, resp. 34, and my O2 were down in the 60's everytime.. I am so scared and I don't know what to do the doctors say they are panic attacks but I need to find a way to deal with losing my precious baby so I can be fully here for my babygirl! I love her with all my heart and she is the only reason that I wake up everyday and even breathe.. She is my reason for life! It's hard because she wants another brother/sister so bad but what do I tell her.. I am hurting inside myself and trying to talk to her about it hurts even more! I take her to our daughter's grave and she knows what happen to her we take her stuff all the time. Lately I have been not taking her with me because she is starting to ask questions and I don't want to damage her trust issues like mine are. The only person she stays with is my mother and I home school her. I don't trust nobody with my daughter.. I trusted a doctor to bring Kiera into this world and she let my daughter and I down.. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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andi0930 responded:
I am so sorry to hear about your losses. But don't abandon the professional help boat because the one counselor failed. Not all patients and counselors make a good fit and we need to try again with someone else. Talk to your baby truthfully on an age appropriate basis. They don't always want as much info as we think they are asking. Journaling is also considered a useful tool too. Sometimes I have to write down my fears and compare it to my reality and they don't always match. My reality is actually better than my fears. Counseling may also help with your trust issues. You don't want to make your daughter fearful of a world that she has to participate in one day and I am sure you want to participate more in the world too and not fear it so badly. Grieve your loss. Our church has a grief recovery group- is there anything like that in your area?? It was a tremendous help when I lost my dad and when I miscarried a month ago.

I think you feel very let down by your doctor who delivered your baby but know from a medical point of view that there is only so much professionals can do in the labor and delivery process. We feel awful about losing our littlest patients too. Unless there was gross malpractice or negligence, the United States for all its medical advantages still has one of the highest infant mortality rates. I know that this will be of little comfort to you. The medical community is still learning so much when it comes to neonatal care. We have come a long way but we can improve.

My prayers go out to you. I hope you find comfort in the days to come and get stronger.
 
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mistym123 replied to andi0930's response:
Everything you said is very true.. I have been put on medication and believe it or not I have started working and it's been a very long time since I have been able to even do that! I am working with a doctor and I she really seems concerned about me. She is a very wonderful and caring lady! It is hard for me to trust and I know that it is a long road but now I have to face reality and I have to start my recovery process. I am working on it and I know it's going to take time. I have learned that I need to work on myself first and worry about myself before I can worry about anyone else or help anyone else. Thank you very much for responding and I'm very glad you responded as a medical stand point also. It made me realize that there are people that do care or you would not have taken time out of your personal life to comment.. Thank you very much!


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