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im 16 and idk what to do
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pimpinbaby3 posted:
soo yeah im 16 and i dont know what to do i hopr i am because me and my boyfriend want a baby not only will it help me n him bond but it will keep our familys from pulling us apart any more but i dont want to raise my hopes too much but i want to kno how to tell if i am and waht to do
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Sarahbby responded:
dont take this offensivly but those are all the wrong reasons to want a baby. you need to think of the baby you have got to have all that already in order to have a baby... not the other way around. a baby will only make things harder not eazier HIGHLY suggest that you wait a baby isnt just tempory you cant stop being with it when you want to..your stuck with it for at least 18years of your life
 
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chrystyne226 responded:
Omg...I'm sorry and I hate passing judgment and that's really not what I'm trying to do here but...I couldn't help but respond the way I'm going to respond after reading this. Everything you said was completely wrong. I can't believe that you're 16, want a baby so it will help you and him bond and so that your families won't try to tear you guys apart. I'm sorry and maybe someone will come by here and say I'm being harsh but hey sometimes tough love is the ONLY thing that works in situations like this. Do you realize how selfish that is?? Sweety, you're SIXTEEN. On top of that, wanting a baby so that you and bf have a better relationship isn't a good reason to want a baby. And not to mention you guys wanting a baby so your families can't break you guys apart. That's all just wrong. Again I'm not trying to judge you by any means but I'm definitely going to speak my mind on this. You came here for answers.

This is the deal. You have unprotected sex during your most fertile days and ovulation day, you're increasing your chances in getting pregnant.

My question to you is this...is he working? Are you working? Are you guys still in school? If you get pregnant WHAT will you do when it comes to work and school?

You think your families will be okay with this and just say "well they're having a baby now so we can't split them up"?? That's not true. They can and most likely still have say in what goes on. Just because you become a mother doesn't mean you become a woman although that IS how it SHOULD be. I really hope I'm not being too mean here but I'm really trying to talk sense into you.

The reason I feel this strongly about it is because I was 14 and wanted a baby with my 18 yr old bf (who is now my husband and I'm 23 yrs old and he's 26 yrs old now). We've been together for 8 yrs. I wanted a baby but not because I wanted to be closer to my bf and definitely not because I wanted my parents to accept him (they didn't want me with him, not because of his age but because he's black and Puerto Rican and I'm Italian). I wanted a baby with him because I loved him and really believed I could handle it. I felt he'd get a job, we'd get a place to live and that would be the end of that. Girl, it wouldn't have happened. I finally realized what I was wanting was DUMB and I thank God we didn't try. He loved me so much and didn't know how to tell me he thought it would be a bad idea but thank God I realized it on my own. I got pregnant at 17 and lost the baby, then I got pregnant at 19 and lost the baby and 6 months later I got pregnant and had my first daughter at 20. When my daughter turned 22 months old I got pregnant with my second daughter. She's now 1.5 yrs old and my older daughter is 3 yrs old and my husband and I are trying to get pregnant again. I had another miscarriage in August of this yr. Trust me, pregnancy isn't easy. Motherhood isn't easy. I'm not trying to scare you just in case you already ARE pregnant and I'm 100% against abortion and I couldn't imagine myself putting my child up for adoption so if you're already pregnant then I wish you the best of luck and there IS help out there for you guys to support yourselves and this baby but HE needs to work no matter his age.

All I'm saying is if you aren't already pregnant I really think you need to hold off for a while. Seriously. I know this is your life and you don't know me from a hole in the wall but since you came here and I read your message I just felt the strong urge to write to you. I hope I'm making sense here. Please, don't do it.
 
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NervousBride responded:
PLEASE listen to the previous posters.

PLEASE.

If you think you are pregnant you need to take a test.

I mean no offense, but I TRULY hope you are not pregnant, and that you will talk with a trusted adult about your issues. Babies are not pawns for you to use to get closer to a man. Just the fact that you think that shows your immaturity and how NOT ready you are to become a mother.

Good luck to you.
 
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stooshie responded:
No offense, sweetie, but you don't even have a grasp on punctuaction and spelling yet. I understand how you feel. I got pregnant by my bf who I was madly in love with when I was 15. I was terrified and didn't tell anyone. I miscarried at about 6 weeks. It was the worst experience of my life. After I told him what had happened, he dumped me. He said I was lying and he told me that he never loved me. I decided that I no longer wanted kids.

Fast forward => I'm 19 now. I am pregnant. Though I'd been with this guy exclusively for well over a year, this was not planned. I love him to death, I love him more than my high school boyfriend, and I know he loves me too. We wanted to have babies, and we wanted to get married. We're both in college, though he is only taking one class per semester. I got pregnant, and I left him because he is not mature enough or responsible enough to be a good father. He has no job, no car, and a record, so it's always going to be difficult to get a job. I am an Avon consultant. I signed up as soon as I found out that I'm expecting. No, I'm not making much money, but I'm a full time student, so anything helps. My baby's father wants to have this baby more than anything, but he doesn't know anything about pregnancy or responsibility. He's 21. If your bf is 16, I'm sure he knows WAY less, as do you. He wanted to be on government assistance, but I don't want that at all! I want to support my baby as best as I can on my own.

And fyi, you're unmarried, which means the father of your baby legally has no obligation to you at all, unless you bring him to court, establish paternity, and get him to pay child support. Babies do not bring couples closer together! Do research on parenting. Walk down any baby aisle in the store and check prices. Look at necessities.. ie. diapers, bottles, wipes, a crib, carseat, carrier, clothes. HOW CAN YOU AFFORD THESE THINGS? Now think about doctors appointmnts, kids get sick a lot. Do you have insurance? THINK FIRST. PLEASE. PREGNANCY IS NOT A WALK IN THE PARK. IT'S ACTUALLY RATHER LONELY CUZ NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS CAN IDENTIFY WITH YOU!
 
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chrystyne226 responded:
I totally agree with everything the pp said. I know I've already spoke my peace but I think it's REALLY important everything we're all saying to you gets through. My husband and I ARE on public assistance (just foodstamps) but it's still hard. It isn't something we want to be on and we cannot wait for the day to be off it. This is coming from someone who IS married, HAS a place to live, TWO kids and TTC another and it's STILL hard with all that we have. IMO NO ONE is 100% ready for the big changes pregnancy/children bring but when you're really young such as yourself it only makes it harder. If people in their 30's can't even support a child what makes you think you'd be able to with no income?? Just seriously think everything through. If you aren't pregnant then that's freaking great but if you are, there WILL be help out there. But if you're not I wouldn't try to GET pregnant.

My ex best friends sister was 15 when she was asking me about pregnancy. I had just had my first daughter and I told her all there is to know about pregnancy and motherhood and how I suffered with Post Partum Depression for 6 months without any help. I asked her why she was asking so many questions and she told me she wanted a baby. I really wanted to slap some sense into her. I told her she NEEDS to wait. Well, she ended up pregnant a few months after I told her why she SHOULD NOT try for a baby. She tried anyway and has a 2 yr old now. She's getting married this yr which is great and her fiancee is extremely supportive and has a great job but you know what...he lives in NYC (where I live) and he lives in the City so he's going to have a really good job, on top of that his family is LOADED. So ofcourse he's getting help through his family. It's not going to be as great as hers turned out, that's for sure. Everyone's situations are different. Please think this through.
 
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pimpinbaby3 responded:
that's not the only reasons if it was i would be smacking my self for it ... but ya my sisters were 14 15 and 16 when they had there first baby and i know the odds are against me on this and i know ppl are gonna put me down for this but i am gonna do it and if it means giving up my life for the baby then ill do it... so plz don't take this the wrong way but the only reason i came here to ask for help was to see how to go threw this pregnancy not get told my ations are for the wrong reason.
 
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pimpinbaby3 responded:
plz dont tell me i am doing wrong cus i already kno i have chosen a rough path but i am ready for it and im not gonna be held back so plz i only ask because i have a good feeling i am already and i kno ppl who have had kids at 14 and are very successful in life so im going to do what im gonna do plz dont try changing my mind and i kno i am gonna have to give up my life for this but im willing to do what ever it is to make my soon to be child happy
 
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pimpinbaby3 responded:
that's not the only reasons if it was i would be smacking my self for it ... but ya my sisters were 14 15 and 16 when they had there first baby and i know the odds are against me on this and i know ppl are gonna put me down for this but i am gonna do it and if it means giving up my life for the baby then ill do it... so plz don't take this the wrong way but the only reason i came here to ask for help was to see how to go threw this pregnancy not get told my ations are for the wrong reason.
 
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pimpinbaby3 responded:
understand but i kno what i have to do n the reasons i posted are not all thoes are just the ones that were bothring me and i kno i cant spell good so what i have IEP for that so plz stop telling me to rething this cus fyi its already happend
 
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chrystyne226 responded:
So are you saying that you're pregnant??
 
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Bandia1206 responded:
Here is my advice. If you think that you may be pregnant, take a HPT with your first mornings urine. If you haven't missed your period yet, or if your period isn't due yet.. it will be too early for an accurate result. If you have missed your period, then the result should be accurate. If you have had your period..a true one... then you cannot be pregnant. Testing is the only way to know

I am not judging, but you are too young to be *trying* to have a baby. But I can appreciate that you understand the responsibilites associated with being sexually active, and that you are willing to step up if you do end up pregnant. I wish you the best of luck!
 
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JessicaGreen responded:
Hunny I understand that when you want something, you want it then.. But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me tell you my story...

When I was 14 I started dating this guy (he was 17) and at first my family LOVED him.. Then as the relationship progressed, it got way too serious for my age, maturity level etc... At age 16 I was told I could not date him anymore, my car, cell phone and all activities were taken away from me until I agreed NOT to see him anymore... Finally after a few months I came to realization that at age 16 MY PARENTS knew what was best for me, not ME! There was a reason why they were doing what they were doing... We split up and I dated and had a NORMAL TEENAGE LIFE, then at age 18 I ran off with him.. I abandoned my family and all of my morals... I thought I wanted to start a family etc... Well 3 weeks after our runaway he beat me up pretty bad.. What was I to do? I had already abandoned everyone who cared about me, and this was prob. the EXACT reason why they were trying to keep me from him..

My husband now is someone who I played little league sports with, and would have never thought we would end up where we are now..

Sweetie, you are young... BE YOUNG... Whatever your "REASONS" are for wanting to become a mother, there is no way those reasons can be justified at age 16.. That's just unreasonable and to be honest its very immature and naive... There are so many life experiences that you need to experience first...

If you are already pregnant then good luck, and I wish you nothing but the best, if not, please use protection if you plan to engage in sexual activity... At 16 YOU ARE NOT ready to take care of a child.. Who will buy diapers, clothes etc...

DO YOU PLAN ON GETTING GOV. ASSISTANCE TO PAY FOR THESE THINGS?? AS A TAX PAYER WHO ACTUALLY DOES WORK, THAT IS VERY UNFAIR TO ME WHO IS AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN SUPPORT A CHILD, TO HAVE TO PAY TAXES OUT OF ALL OF MY CHECKS TO SUPPORT YOUNG IMMATURE GIRLS WHO EITHER DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PROTECTION OR ARE LOOKING FOR A QUICK FIX!
 
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Bandia1206 responded:
Ditto many of the things Jessica said


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