Couples Coping Support Group

I confess l cried lastnight for the first time since my mom passed (last January). It lifted a ton of weight off my shoulders. My SO also lost his mother in Jan a year before mine. At first I had no idea how to relate to his loss and now I understand just how painful it all is.

I confess I hide my emotions from the most important people in my life and then at some point it errupts , leaving my loved ones shaking their heads.....I confess I hate that the most.

I confess times I think I cant do this anymore, only to find the strength to pull thru somehow...just wish I didnt have to get so close to the cliff before Im able to turn it around...

I confess Im just ready to be OK...

Im running on 3hrs of sleep so im kind of all over the place..

Good morning BTW!!

Naaahh..Most of the time I feel lost in the shuffle as well. I don't feel like I have anything figured out.

I think this is why I'm such a neat/clean freak. It's the one thing I CAN control in my life.

I mostly keep to myself. I have no friends or family that I keep in close contact with. My mom is suffering from brain metastises and is facing yet another brain surgery in a couple of weeks. My MIL is stuck in a nursing home and regularly threatens suicide. So there's a lot of stress in my life lately and I tend to feel like things are spiraling out of control most of the time.

i just feel very fortunate to have my awesome husband and my happy, healthy, beautiful children. When things feel dark and grim, I have them to remind me why life is so wonderful.

I would hate to have everything all figured out. I feel like that would ruin the surprise, and make me unappreciaitive about each and every day and the small miracles that can get so easily overlooked. I know my life isn't anything special, hell I'm nothing special either. But every day IS something special, and I intend to embrace life with greedy hands.

I confess I dramatically dyed my hair again. I confess I do this because I hate my appearance. When I change something I can control, I can at least convince myself that it's my decision, not genetics. That makes me feel better. Also, I get bored.

I confess that this is the first Christmas I've been excited for in three years.

I confess I'm addicted to Scrabble on Facebook.

About a year or so ago, I read a book that really changed my perspective on needing to have life all figured out. http://www.amazon.com/Yearnings-Embracing-Sacred-Messiness-Life/dp/1401301924

Since then I strive to just accept life's mysteries. I will admit though, I can be neurotic & needing to feel control, so there are times this is a great challenge for me. But in terms of what life is for and what will happen when it's over or "over," I think I'm ok with that.

I confess I'm nervous to do more of my part as an aunt. My niece needs some stability and good examples in her life. I fear she will repeat the codependent cycle she's being raised with (and that her parents were also). So I know I need to do more with her... I'm just kinda scared. It's a lot of responsibility for someone who doesn't have kids and really doesn't want any.

Spanky, being an "aunt" (to my lil' cousins and best friends kid) is literally probably my happiest role. It's so much fun, trust me it is so much fun!!! You don't have to treat her like a kid, or like your kid. Treat her like a person, with respect and kindness, and you'll be just fine.

You are such a sweetheart, so emotionally intuitive and so full of love for people, you will be an awesome aunt. Seriously.

I agree with 3.14 entirely. Let yourself go and enjoy the time you spend with her. Don't think too much about role models just be you ... There's nothing to be scared about.Really there isn't.

Honestly, I admire both of you for what you are doing and what you want to do as "aunts". I am possibly the worst apology for an aunt you could find ...

Me too

My sister told me this past weekend ,after a few drinks that is ;P ...that her and the BF were a little upset that I didnt interact with her more....Its true...I dont..but she is only 4mths old...Its not that I dont want to and I actually noticed that I didnt interact with her alot that weekend either..I just didnt....So im making it a point now to be more involved and I fully plan on being a major player in her life. My sister is to my kids ...and besides I want to anyways...She is my only niece and I have no other nephews or anything....I love her to death, seriously and now im carrying some guilt for not doing more until now...oh well this too shall pass....I know where my heart is...

Just wanted to say your not alone FCL on the worst Aunt thing.....

I don't think you should feel bad; what can you really do with a child that young?

Thanks everyone else, I don't know why I should be scared, but then, that's fear: irrational. I guess it's just the responsibility being a more present example will serve. I don't even have a pet for that reason.

But, it is something I feel I have to do and not take for granted. She is 8, and I've done things with her here & there,and she just eats it up. It's just work I guess, and I'd rather be lazy in a way.

This weekend I'm taking her to see Megamind, and hopefully the BF will come too with his goddaughter. I'm looking forward to it.

If it helps any, Megamind is a cute movie.


And while it's never too late to make an effort, at a certain point that gap is hard to bridge. I grew up in a family with only really one uncle that cared about me, and even now we're extremely close. My other uncles...eh. They're ok. But I don't care about them, and I know that when they ask me about my life now...I dunno, I feel like they're being fake. I'm not saying that's going to happen with y'all and your nieces, but it mattered a lot to me that my niece knew that I cared, that I've always cared.

With my cousins, well, they needed me. The most loved I have ever felt was on Thanksgiving, snuggling with my cousins and the manfriend. And hahaha being totally honest, when I don't feel like being in 12 year old land anymore, they're not my kids! Send 'em home! But really. As much as they're my cousins and I have a duty to them, they're some of my best friends. It's a wonderful relationship to foster, and with little to no downside.

Ah, ImMe26, you are so sweet. Being an incompetent auntie doesn't really bother me because I can function on other levels with them, especially as they get older.

LEt me tell you about my mum. She worked in daycare and kindergarten, she was a teacher. Her diplomas could have led her to work with newborns but she DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT - lol. Yes, to that point. She said that there were people who loved working with babies and newborns but that she didn't because she found them excessively boring. She said that she found that children of 3-6 years were interesting because that was when they entered the "sponge" stage" (as she called it), when they started to learn things like nobody's business.

We all communicate well with different groups. I've found that I am more useful with early teens . All I want to say is that we all find our path and that sometimes it takes a long time.

Please do not let your sister give you a guilt trip - her baby is tiny and it seems to me that you have a lot on your hands already. If your sister could see beyond the end of her nose she might realise that you don't have an awful lot of free time to be an auntie to her baby. Don't let this get out of proportion. Remeber that this baby is your sister's only child and that sometimes things get blown out of proportion. Yes, you love the child but you have a lot of things to take care of yourself. Please don't let beat yourself up about this, you have all of the child's life to be the perfect auntie.

Goodness ... I'm rambling ... lol

OKAY MA!!!!

I swear you sound just like her right now...lol..lol..lol...(love it)...

I understand and needed to hear that, thanks FCL. I just dont do babies..I know that sounds bad...but I just dont ...yes I have had 3 myself but I didnt really care for their baby-baby stage either..too much work..lol...yes im a bit lazy too....

Your right I was going to add that in my OP about im really busy though, with 3 or my own and no help from their father.plus work...ugh...I do have my hands full..

I started to feel guilty when she compared my to her BF sister...who comes over all the time and go straight to the baby and blah blah blah....and I told her then...yo know me and how I am...I dont "coo" and "ahh" over stuff like that....but still ,yes it did make me feel bad...

My heart is too big I let people effect me too easy, this I know.....thanks to a select few hear I can get back on track with my thoughts of priorities.....THANKS!

SO MANY TYPOS SORRY GUYS!!!

I'm smart I promise!

What about pompous individuals who are as smart as they think they are? Do you mind them?

I don't mind them as much.