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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Valentine's Day
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Foreverinyoureyes2 posted:
There are a ton of articles and posts on this site and others about "surviving Valentine's Day" if you are not currently in a relationship.

Is Valentine's Day a significant holiday for you?

For me, personally, and this is just my opinion of course, I chalk it up as sort of a Hallmark holiday and it really isn't a huge deal to me. My husband and I usually use it as an excuse to buy cards or perhaps go out to dinner, but primarily because we use ANY excuse to do those things.

I have been alone on Valentine's Day and I do not recall it even being a blip on my radar.

I guess my perspective about V-day is the same as any day. I would rather be alone any day than be in an unsatisfying relationship.

Any other thoughts or perspectives?
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darlyn05 responded:
I think at some point in time many of us have not been in a relationship during the Valentines Day celebration. I always got a little something for my DD on Valentines Day, and if it wasn't a day/weekend that she was at her Dad's, her and I would have a nice dinner at home and spend the evening together. At some of the times she was away at her Dad's I do remember feeling alone somewhat.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
I agree that it is somewhat of a Hallmark holiday, and like every other holiday, HUGELY commercialized. I think people in general feel really pressured to be romantic and go all out for Valentine's Day in order to keep the peace.

That having been said, I do take the opportunity to do a little something special for the kids and DH but nothing extravagant. We usually get the kids a DVD to share, a card, and some candy.

I usually get a card for DH, and a gift but I don't spend hundreds of dollars either.

We were talking about the whole Valentine's Day roses/flowers tradition, and I told him it's nice to get flowers for Valentine's Day but what is even nicer is to be surprised on any old regular day...for no reason, just to say I love you.
 
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queston responded:
Agree. I told my wife a couple days ago that I wasn't planning on buying flowers or candy or anything, but I'd like to go on a dinner date with her. (That's something we do less than once a month, so it's pretty special in and of itself.)
 
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cjh1203 responded:
My husband and I are not especially romantic, I guess. My Valentine's gifts from him have run the gamut from a wilted gas station rose (in my opinion, much worse than nothing at all) to hiring a barbershop quartet to serenade me at work (quite out of character, and not really our style, but I appreciated it because it took some planning and forethought, which are not his strongest suits). I usually get him some DVDs or something practical that I know he'll like.

Sometimes we go out to dinner, sometimes I'll make a nice dinner, and sometimes we don't do anything special.

I was alone for several Valentine's Days between my previous marriage and meeting my current husband, and it never bothered me in the least.

When I was younger, Valentine's Day was just a sweet occasion, when people exchanged cards and, maybe, a little gift. Over the years, it seems to have become this giant, pressure-filled romance-palooza. When people feel that they have to make big, romantic gestures, it actually feels so forced that it can be all show and no substance.
 
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BabyLovesPrada responded:
During my first marriage? It was VERY important because he was not capable of showing me on the other 364 days a year that I mattered. Now? Complete opposite, so really its just another day, not really a big deal, we usually go out for dinner but this year he requested a special meal that I make that we do not have often because of the cost of Lobster, I have said before I don't get flowers for Vday, I get flowers because I had a really bad day, or just because he felt like buying them, we do buy each other cards just because we like to. This year we are both working that night, so we are celebrating on Sunday.
A good friend will bail you out of jail, a TRUE friend will be sitting right next you saying...... Damn that was fun! ME 33, DH 30
 
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Spankyrae replied to BabyLovesPrada's response:
You make a good point BLP. I noticed too, that in the past, I'd stress over Valentine's Day and that was because things weren't right in the relationship. Now, it's just another day, because things are right & we show our love just because. We do special little trips or outings for no reason, which seems nicer anyhow because you aren't fighting crowds.

All we care about is spending time together. We will be just as content getting a movie & pizza and staying inside.

I am hoping however, that he will finally light his fireplace. Seems like it would be a nice occasion. And I think I'm gonna bake some heart-shaped cookies.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com/ http://CreativeBlossoming.wordpress.com
 
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Spankyrae responded:
I think it's a nice thing to celebrate, whether it's out of love for your partner, yourself or someone else (like a relative). Just love, in general.

I saw this idea of building a love fort that I thought would be cool even if you don't have a partner. Someone could do it up with the kids:

http://www.designspongeonline.com/2011/02/diy-project-justinas-valentines-day-fort.html

http://www.AConleyCreation.com/ http://CreativeBlossoming.wordpress.com
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to BabyLovesPrada's response:
My husband doesn't buy me flowers very often at all, and it usually IS V-Day, he'll buy me some roses, which is a nice gesture, but like I said, I'd rather just get them "just because". I appreciate the flowers, though,nonetheless.

But what he does do, is if he knows I've had a bad day, he'll bring me my iced coffee and some cheesecake bites. To me, the sentiment is the same. "I know you've had a bad day and here's my way of making you feel better!"

I guess my point is, we could all use those little gestures not just bc it's V-Day but to show our love and thoughtfulness throughout the year.
 
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butterfly19790424 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
When I was younger it bothered me to be alone on V-day only because my girlfriends would brag about thier goodies.

This year, I really could care less about the day. I did buy Kara a small box of Dora chocolates and a small pink dog.


If I was in a relationship, I wouldn't want anything big. I don't want a dozen roses because they have to get them. If they are going to get my flowers, I would prefer my favorite or be unique.
A true friend is someone who knows you're a good egg even if you're a little cracked
 
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BabyLovesPrada replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
"But what he does do, is if he knows I've had a bad day, he'll bring me my iced coffee and some cheesecake bites. To me, the sentiment is the same. "I know you've had a bad day and here's my way of making you feel better!"

Absolutely Agree!
A good friend will bail you out of jail, a TRUE friend will be sitting right next you saying...... Damn that was fun! ME 33, DH 30
 
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Bobbob24 replied to BabyLovesPrada's response:
I will be alone again on Valentines day. At least it is a weekday which will make it go faster. I will probally just eat alot.
 
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kristinmarie722 responded:
My female single neighbor/friend and I are taking my son out to eat and he is our Valentine. LOL. I also bought him some candies and a little stuffed animal and bought my friend a choc. heart.

When I was with Ex, it really wasnt a big deal. If we had the money and sitter to go out and do something we would, but if not it wasnt a big deal. I think I always made a point to get him and DS a little something, just for fun.

To me, it's really not a big deal. It's a Hallmark holiday.
 
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darlyn05 responded:
It does seem that the older we get the stigma that is attached to the day somewhat diminshes. Not that we're not young at heart or in love with our partner. I think we've sort of became more practical or as stated comfortable with our partner that it doesn't have to be a nationally celebrated day, although nice. I think an anniversary would be more prone to the attributes of Valentines Day.
 
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Foreverinyoureyes2 replied to darlyn05's response:
I agree Darlyn.

My wedding anniversary is New Year's Eve, and we celebrate that day with lots of romance, so perhaps that is why just a month later, on Valentine's Day, I do not feel as though we have to go all out and have some huge romantic celebration.

Excellents points by all. Thanks for the input kids!


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