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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Fathers Day is almost here. Would you like to share a special memory of your father?
    GuardSquealer posted:
    My dad left for Vietnam when I was very young. And he didn't return until I was three or four. My parents had decided to divorce before he left, but stayed married while he was in the military for the additional benefits he recieved. Once he was discharged they divorced. So I don't have many memories of him from my early days. Once he returned, I guess we weren't really close, so I would only see him a couple times a year. Usually the holidays. I enjoyed being around him, but it was like spending the day with a stranger. I really would have rather been home with my friends.

    Pretty much stayed the same through out my youth. Saw him a little more as I got older. When my first marriage ended I wound up moving in with him. And that is when I spent the most time ever with him. We went out partying 3 times a week for several years. He had a pretty wild life style. But I enjoyed being around him. I guess it was making up for lost time. My current wife loved him a lot too. Even though he always took me out drinking, she knew it was ok because I was with my dad. Those few years we spent together were the best of my relationship with him.

    His business eventually failed and he decided to move to California with his girlfriend. I guess out there he felt a little emasculated since he had to depend on her for everything. She was really wealthy. And got a really important job there. But he apparently didn't let her put him on her insurance. Because he wasn't getting his blood pressure medicine. He had an anuerism and died. That was in 1995.

    I do wish he had been able to stay around and watch my daughter grow up. He was very proud to be a grand father. And would love the way she has turned out.

    Now for my fathers day. Every year it falls on the day we have to get all the 4 H horses to the county fair. This year I have to transport 22 horses to the fair on Fathers day. So no relaxation for me. Not only do I have to take care of my own daughter. I have to take care of all these other kids that day. So I guess I am lucky in a way to be able to make so many kids happy on fathers day. But I sort of would like to sleep in a little for once.

    Happy fathers day.
    BalconyBelle responded:
    I've been thinking for more than 10 minutes now trying to dig up some special hallmark-esque memory of my dad to post...and I couldn't come up with anything. In fact, I can't recall a single happy memory involving him. Ever. The best thing I can say about him is he believes he did his best by me.

    Happy father's day to all the dads out there--Especially the ones worthy of the name.
    fcl responded:
    My father wasn't very involved in raising his children - he was brought up to believe that was women's work ... but we did have special times together. He used to take me out cycling and we'd do all of the country roads in the region (he tended to overestimate how far I could go - lol). He was the local policeman and knew everybody. I used to get to meet some really interesting people. There was one magical afternoon out when I was about 8 when I got to meet the local gamekeepers ... We had ridden through the woods (it was like something out of a fairy tale, I could imagine red riding hood there) to get there. I didn't know that, besides taking care of the game, they also raised more "exotic" stock. It was the first time I had ever seen gold and silver pheasants ... I was enthralled. To an 8yo they were like birds of paradise ... Thank you for that, Dad.

    Another happy memory was when I got married. It was only a ceremony with close family at the town hall. I can still picture my father's face when I asked him to be my witness ...

    Now that I've started thinking about this I could probably go on for hours

    Happy Father's Day, Dad.
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    GuardSquealer replied to BalconyBelle's response:
    That is heart breaking Balcony. I wish there was a happy moment I could give to you for memories sake.

    I don't really have any Hallmark-esque memories of my pops either. Although I do have some fun memories. Most are far from Hallmark-esque.

    Most of mine involve going to the Go-Go bars with him. Not really wholesome places. One of my favorite is from when we went to Cleveland from Columbus for my birthday. We always called him the Godfather of the Go-Go bars. At the regular places we went to, when he would walk in the door all the dancers would call out his name. Well we walked into this big fancy club in Cleveland and instantly the dancer on the main stage screamed his name.

    We were all amazed. Seemed that he was well known every where.

    I did make a conscious effort to make sure I was a better father than my own had been. And I know I have been. While my father was basically a good man. He had his flaws and was self centered. I on the other hand went to extreme measures to spend the time with and parent my daughter the way I wish I had been when I was a child.

    If your father is still alive, perhaps you can still try to make a great memory to have. Even though he didn't do anything to try and make special moments for you, maybe you can make a special one for him that you can have for fathers days in the future. Not sure if you feel he is worth the effort. But you can do it for yourself more so than him.

    Best wishes.
    butterfly19790424 responded:
    My bio dad wasn't a huge part of my life growing up. The only memories I have are the bad ones.


    My stepfather stepped up and took his place. I have so many memories of him. My favorite memory is my 15th birthday. We didn't have alot of money but he made it special. My mom and I came home from school to find he made a huge sign at the end of the driving wishing me a happy birthday. He traded one of his prized hunting dogs and got me a Bassett Hound and some kind of homemade clown doll (not sure why the doll). He also made me a birthday cake.

    Sadly, he passed away a few months later. I will never forget how much he loved my brother and me and took us in as his own children.
    A true friend is someone who knows you're a good egg even if you're a little cracked
    ImMe26 replied to butterfly19790424's response:
    My dad was the best dad growing up , when I started to get wild, I think he pushed himself away...but I digress...

    My best memory, is actually when I had my first daughter. I was only 16yrs old, and I thought my dad hated me for having a baby, he never really interacted with me, when it came to my pregnancy or expressed joy or anything (WHICH BY THE WAY I UNDERSTAND, HECK I WAS 16YRS OLD)....but anyways....I had her and my dad didnt even so much as call or go to the hospital to visit me. I thought the worst, and it broke my entire heart. I came home with my mom, and when I walked into my dad had spent the entire 30dys I was in the hospital fixing up my room. He is a perfectionist, so it was painted, Tv hanging, entertainment center, baby crib up,changing comforter set.....Just totally redone. It was a baby pink color with an accent wall. I LOVED IT and was totally surprised. Jus thinking about it now , I can cry. I couldnt even talk, just handed the baby to my mom and when I turned around he was standing behind me with tears in his own eyes.(never seen him cry before). He told me he loved me and wasnt upset with me whatsoever, was just hard for him, cause I was his baby, having a baby. He was proud of me for what I had been thru.

    I will always cherish that memory in full.....each time I think about it, its like im right back now........
    Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY
    lobermann replied to ImMe26's response:
    Your post just gave me goosebumps!!
    BalconyBelle replied to ImMe26's response:
    FCL, GuardSquealer, ImMe26, butterfly19790424...thank you so much for sharing your memories! From the magical, comical, touching, to tear-inspiring, I really enjoyed being able to picture those moments. Hopefully more are coming...
    tlkittycat1968 responded:
    My dad and I were close when I was younger but as I got older, I got closer to my mom.

    Some memories:

    1. Sleeping with him until my mom got home from work (she worked nights) and him calling me a wiggle worm when I wouldn't lay still.

    2. Him taking me and my younger brother fishing. He would back his truck up to the lake and we'd fish off the back of his truck.

    We've gotten closer as I've gotten older. He loves his grandkids and they love him. He's patient with them and loves playing with them.
    queston responded:
    One of my best memories with my Dad is kindof a silly one--the first time he ever told me a joke with the "F-word" in it. I was in college, and I had to be cool so I pretended not to be shocked to hear him say that, but I have never heard him sue that word, in fact, he swore very, very little around us growing up: we were not allowed to say that something sucked or that someone was pissed off.

    It's goofy, but it made me feel like a man that he would tell me a joke like that.

    My Dad is in very poor health now and probably not long for this world. We have always gotten along well but not had what I describe as a close relationship, which is something I'm starting to regret not have worked harder to achieve.
    ImMe26 replied to queston's response: dad always told us "dirty jokes" that I dont think you are supposed to hear when your that young...but I swear thats what made them sooo funny to me!...

    I love him for my childhood, granted he was far from perfect, not a real good husband, but as a dad he was awesome!
    Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY
    tlkittycat1968 replied to tlkittycat1968's response:
    Another memory:

    He took me and my younger brother to the drive-inn. He fell asleep and didn't remember us asking if we could go to the playground during intermission. He woke up and didn't know where we were.
    stephs_3_kidz replied to tlkittycat1968's response:
    Most of my memories with my dad involve us playing baseball/softball together, and fishing. It's what we did. My mom was never involved with me but my dad did make an effort. He wasn't perfect but honestly I loved nothing more than going out to the ballfield with my dad and playing for hours on end and then eating cheeseburgers and mozzarella sticks from the local diner.
    alaska_mommy responded:
    I have some good memories from when my sis and I were little. Dad was always good for playing with us--horsey rides, airplane rides, being his "slippers", trips to the park, bike riding, etc. Once we hit puberty and got too big to hold his hand or kiss him on the lips anymore he didn't know how to interact with us. So we ended up not really being sure if Daddy loved us anymore.
    In my early 20's we found out Dad had been cheating on my mom for about 5 years. That killed any last bit of respect I had for him. I didn't speak to him for I think 4 years after that.
    Slowly I got back into contact with him. I talked to him on the phone for the first time when I gave birth to my son. It was just something I needed to do. We have something of a relationship now, but we are across the country from each other, so can't see each other. But he's trying to reconnect. It's still awkward to talk to him, but I still love him.
    I almost forgot father's day was coming up...thanks for the reminder. My days sure run together.
    GuardSquealer responded:
    My memories of my dad are so odd. I don't have any real great childhood memories. He had money when I was young so he always bought me everything I wanted for christmas. However, he couldn't put anything together. And I was really good at it. So he would help me open the boxes and then just watch in amazement as I assembled everything.

    I do have one more story I would like to share. My wife and I were taking my mom out to dinner for her birthday. My cousin who I don't even think was legal drinking age went along too. So we took her to my favorite steakhouse and had a really nice dinner. The restaurant is just down the road from were one of dads favorite Go Go bars was at the time. So jokingly as we headed that way I said "I wonder if dad is at the Diamond Lounge". It was actually later in the evening and he usually would have been home by that time. But as we drove by I saw his Cadillac sitting out front.

    I said "Hey, he is there. We should stop and have a drink with him." Now he and mom had been divorced probably for more than 30 years at that point. They would speak on occasion but usually just when it was at an event involving me. Well everyone agreed we should stop, so we did.

    Imagine the scene. Pulling into a kind of shady Go Go bar and your Mom, your wife, and your underage female cousin getting out of the car and walking into this dimly lit bar. With loud music playing a girls in barely any clothes dancing around. Better yet imagine the look on your dads face when he realizes who the hell just walked into the place. His ex-wife, his son and daughter in-law and some young kid.

    It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Dad about fell off his stool. But what was great about it was that he got really excited about us being there. He thought I was soooo funny for bringing them in to see him there. He wound up buying my mom a bunch of birthday shots, and drinks and champagne for my cousin. We stayed about an hour and drank with him. It all just happened by chance but it was a pretty unique and special moment. My mom had a real good time, he made her feel special and he felt good that we all stopped in to see him.

    It is something that my mom will still talk about today. She thought it was a fun night. She doesn't really like good food, so she wasn't impressed with the dinner. But she had fun at the Go Go bar.

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