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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Wondering if my weight is an issue
    alaska_mommy posted:
    So...just wondering I guess if I really do need to lose some weight or if I just need to be happy with myself as I am.
    I'm 5'3" and I think about 15/20 lbs over my ideal or comfortable weight...I feel happy around 135 but wouldn't mind being 120 haha...who wouldn't I guess. I don't have a scale but weighed myself at the bank the other day and was shocked to see 154 lbs. I didn't think I was that fat! I need to buy a scale, first off, I guess. See what my actual weight is.

    Anyway, over the course of maybe a year or two hubby has made maybe 2 or 3 comments (in a round about way) that he misses the skinny me I was when we married. Of course I miss that "me" too, but I know childbirth changes things.

    I hate exercising and I hate diets. LOL Usually if I think I'm a little overweight or my clothes feel tight I just try to cut back a little and/or buy 1% milk instead of whole. (I love milk and drink it constantly)

    I think one problem is I love going out for walks but it gets so hot here in PA (to me) and with the humidity (not used to that either) I am just a sweatball after I go out for a walk. Our house is on a hill too, of course, so the return journey is always a challenge with DS in the stroller or pack. So if it's the least bit warm I am sweating, and I just feel gross. I don't want to go out in public w/o a shower, but then I'm going to need one when I get back. So basically I rarely go for walks anymore. I did a lot more during the winter and I think that helped.

    Too bad I'm not still nursing! Had to give that up at 8 months and some women are still nursing their LO at the age mine is at (18 months).

    I don't necessarily like my weight per se, but I am ok with it more or less, and I really don't feel there's much I can do to change it. I am always tired and I know for me being tired makes it much more difficult to lose weight.

    Anyway...sorry long ramble there...
    kristinmarie722 responded:
    I think with women (can only speak for women) we are usually never happy with our weight or how we look, etc.

    But if you are not overly concerned with it and it's not affecting your health, then you just have to accept it and move on. You cant dwell on it and find flaws to keep bringing yourself down.

    I will say however, no pain, no gain. Yeah you may not like dieting, working out, etc but if you want to make a change, you have to deal with the crappy stuff that goes with it.

    I think taking your DS for a walk is a great way to get started. Who cares if you are sweaty afterwards? Just take a quick rinse off shower when you get back if it bothers you. (I do this because I sweat a lot- lol). Also when eating, I always have a fresh fruit and/or veggie with every meal I eat. That way I am pairing my main dish with something healthy. I also drink lots of water, instead of juice or pop. These are just some of the changes I made to keep myself fit and happy.

    Now I have always been thin. But dont take that to mean I am happy with my body and never had weight isuses or body issues. Before having DS my boobs were cute and perky and my stomach was washboard and flat. I gained a lot of weight with DS and now I have a flabby stomach and saggy small boobs. So while people may see me in my clothes and think- wow she is thin- I would look in the mirror and hate how I looked. Also last summer I lost a ton of weight from the split from DS's dad. So I had a flabby stretched out stomach, no butt, skinny, boney. Ugh. I started doing toning excersises. And it did take some time to see results and it takes a lot of motivation to do them every night, but I have gained muscle and really toned up and I feel GREAT! Better then I have felt since I had DS. And yes my stomach is still flabby and my boobs still saggy but those are things I am accepting. Unless I get a boob job and can somehow fix my stomach muscles and get rid of the extra skin and make the stretch marks dissapear- this is how I look!

    It's really about accepting who you are and what you are happy with. When I first got with my current BF I stopped working out because we were so busy and hanging out at night and I can see a difference or what I think is a difference. So I had to make time and get back to it. I feel so good about myself and it has really helped my confidence.

    Good luck and (((HUGS))) I am sure you are beautiful! It's really abotu motivation though to make the changes and stick with them!
    alaska_mommy replied to kristinmarie722's response:
    Thanks Kristin!

    I do already eat healthy (I love veggies and fruit) and I drink more water than anything else (not a fan of juice or soda really). And I limit my sweets. But I know that even with that, portion control is important too.

    I think I just need to decide, is it worth it to me to do some work on myself or do I need to just be happy with what I am. I'm on the fence about that. DH is a little overweight too so we never say anything to each other about our weight. So I know if he does say something then it must really be bothering him...but at the same time I know he's not one to judge. Anyway, thanks for the reply!
    3point14 responded:
    I want to say that my feelings of weight are colored by the fact that I went from 170ish to now 140ish over the course of a year and a halfish with no diet and only exercise that was enjoyable and pleasant.

    But, lose some dang weight. You're not comfortable with it and think it's affecting your marriage, and seem to have the feeling like there's nothing you can do with it without inconveniencing yourself. But that's not true. You can get a work out DVD. You can pay even more attention to what you eat. You can maybe even find other Moms to motivate yourself with, because you've been having isolation issues, too. You can bring your kid out for walks, and who cares if you sweat? That's what happens when you exercise!!!!

    There are always a millions reasons not to work out, and I hope you don't think I'm advocating weight loss to please your husband. But c'mon. Who wants to spend their life feeling fat? It'll be a huge boon to your self confidence to get yourself to a place where you feel more comfortable in your skin.
    stephs_3_kidz replied to 3point14's response:
    But, lose some dang weight.

    I know you don't really know this from experience but having a child changes EVERYTHING. It changes your body shape, it changes your metabolism, literally..everything. And some people it affects worse than others.

    So "lose some dang weight" is a little harder than it sounds, esp. after you've had children. Oh, if only it were as easy as people think it is..
    naggingwife74 replied to 3point14's response:
    Alaska, first I have to ask this.......why is there a scale at your bank!? The last thing people want is to see how broke they are and then weigh themselves!! Just kidding, that was just very interesting to me!

    I just lost some weight and I wasn't really "trying" to loose weight, not much, I went down one pant size. I did want to get a little healthier so I started doing little things. Here are some things that I changed that really made a difference for me.

    When going to the grocery store I parked in the back of the parking lot. There are always carts everywhere so I would walk to a cart to put the kids in and then walk to the door.

    I stopped asking DBF to get me something. Instead I would get up and get my own glass of water, the remote on the other couch, what ever it was, I get up and get it. Keep moving, it works!

    I started cleaning at night. Instead of sitting down and watching something for 1/2 hour, I would find something to clean in the house. It keeps me moving, especially after dinner and before bed.

    Take the stairs anywhere you go. I know, it's hard with a child but it really does make a difference! (this one I fail at a lot!)

    And then the already suggested, get a workout DVD. Some of them are pretty fun to do! Get an older one, they are less intense but very affective.

    Don't look at excercise as a job, it really can be something you do without knowing you are doing it if you make it a habit. You will have to still get in a few walks or something but start slow, you will have more sucess. Also, if you don't want to walk that hill, drive to a park with a walking path or a school with a track.

    Good luck if you decide to do this. I have 3 kids and they have brightened my life but destroyed my body so I understand the frustration!
    3point14 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
    Well, isn't part of living in your body working with it?

    I'm not saying it's going to be "easy" I'm saying that with a calorie deficit and increase in exercise, even the slowest metabolism on earth WILL eventually lose weight.

    And no, maybe I haven't had kids, but as someone who's taken off the weight that I have, I don't think it's easy or something to be taken lightly. I don't think it's anything less than a complete lifestyle change. But why not make a huge change if you're not happy with the way things are?
    fcl responded:
    Instead of obsessing about losing weight perhaps it would help to change your perspective ... Tell yourself that you're not overweight, you're undertall
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    butterfly19790424 replied to 3point14's response:
    Pi... I need you as a motivator. Can you scream at me on facebook to get my butt in the gym?
    A true friend is someone who knows you're a good egg even if you're a little cracked
    Spankyrae responded:
    I think your focus should be more on improving health, not necessarily losing weight. Even though you are on the shorter side, your current weight may not necessarily make you overweight or unhealthy. I am the same height, and years ago, lost 50 lbs. to get down to 150. If you use the BMI scale, I was overweight, but I was absolutely healthy and in shape. My goal is to get back to 150 again, because I know if I'm living healthfully, it's a good weight.

    BMI doesn't take in account your body frame. I am short but have a large body frame, so I'm able to carry more weight and still be healthy. I've always had large hips and thighs, even when I was a teen and weighed 125.

    So if you've not been eating well & exercising regularly or exercising to the point you are truly challenging yourself (reference rate of perceived exertion and heart rate), then by all means, change your life. But focus instead on the lifestyle changes, and you should be able to lose weight during the process.
    cjh1203 responded:
    I need to lose a lot of weight myself, so I know how hard it can be to get motivated.

    It sounds like you drink a lot of whole milk in a day -- try keeping track of how much you drink in, say, a week, and figure out how many calories and grams of fat that is. Even 1% milk can add up pretty fast. I love milk, too, but learned years ago to like skim -- it took a while, but I did get so I like it.

    In fact, it's been shown that one of the most effective ways to lose weight is just to write down everything you eat. It makes you more conscious of what you're eating -- a handful of something here, a couple of bites there.

    And maybe think about buying a hula-hoop. I just bought one. I was a great hula-hoopist a few decades ago, but I've lost my mojo. I'm working on it, though. It can be fun and it's a great way to burn calories.
    cjh1203 replied to cjh1203's response:
    And if you can't get motivated right now, just put it on the back burner for a while. As with smoking, drinking, depression and any number of other things, telling yourself to stop something or snap out of it isn't enough.

    It took me a year of thinking a lot about quitting smoking, but when I did, I never took another drag, and that was 12 years ago. You have to be mentally ready, or it's not going to stick. Make what little changes you can, but don't beat yourself up.
    ImMe26 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Im about your height and I weigh about 119lbs.

    I have 3 kids and have never dieted or worked out. It just took portion control and better eating habits for me.

    I have found that as we get older is naturally harder to lose weight, the whole slowing of the metabolism stuff.

    Kids do change your body but it doesnt have to be permanent and isnt any harder to lose then non baby fat.
    Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY
    3point14 replied to butterfly19790424's response:
    I'd be more than happy to! I'm still chubby, I don't have a great body by any means...small-breasted, pale as heck (except for this dumb sunburn). mediocre facial features, crappy teeth.

    But getting into better shape makes me love my body. I love the things I can do with it, and I love how it doesn't let me down. It isn't perfect, but I am making consistent, difficult effort to get to a place where I feel good about me. It's definitely work, hard work, but I feel with all my heart that being in tune with ones' body is the best thing a person can do for themselves.
    BalconyBelle replied to 3point14's response:
    A few of the things that have worked for me (and my metabolism will fight me for every ounce) are dancing, swimming, and going for walks or bike rides somewhere scenic. The trick is to do something fun, so it doesn't feel like excerise.

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