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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    I've reached my wits end...
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    gd9900 posted:
    ...with my "husband" who isn't and hasn't been acting like one for a few years now. I have given what I can to salvage our relationship and he gives so little back - but enough to keep me engaged. Not the man I married. Am I at fault? Yes, it's 50/50 - but our issues aren't such that we can't work through them and continue sharing a happier life together. My sense is that he just wants out instead of working on the issues he said he would. I believe he is too much of a chickensh** to come right out and say what he wants, even though he knows I'm waiting for an answer. I understand he doesn't want to hurt me, but to carry on a lie and act in ways that are hurtful to me is getting to be too much for me to deal with. And I've been playing right into his "hopeful" words when we are together...because I am still in love with him. But his actions don't support his words. I feel like such an idiot.

    Earlier this week I texted him to call him out on a hunch I had regarding last weekend...I was right and he got mad. I texted I was hurt and wanted an explanation of why he is doing what he's doing...he texted back he'll give me an answer later. He called me when he cooled off and said its time for us to work through our stuff, when do you want to talk? I told him as soon as possible and he agreed. Said he would call me the next day to figure out a plan of when to meet - no word. Still no word today. I know we will eventually have this "talk". I'm scared as my patience is running thin...and I'm ready to fall apart.
    Reply
     
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    alaska_mommy responded:
    Oh no. It's bad enough to suspect the end is near, but to have it be drawn out and postponed indefinitely is so much worse. I hope you get your "defining moment", and soon. ((((Hugs))))
     
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    3point14 responded:
    You're not an idiot to want to believe the best in the person you married. But at this point, you're contributing as much to your emotional hurt as he is. Maybe your issues aren't such that you couldn't work through them, but if only you want to work through them, it won't work.

    What he's doing by always keeping you on your toes and waiting in keeping himself as the "power" figure in your relationship. I would think it would be time for you to hold him accountable and take some of your power back. If he wants to make a real effort and you're willing, then by all means go for it! But you have to have expectations for people to meet them, and by acting on his whim he'll never learn to respect you.
     
    avatar
    gd9900 replied to 3point14's response:
    3point14 - I am constantly amazed by your insights...and the fact that you are somewhere around 20 years younger than I am. LOL! Kudos to you.


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