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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
FELLAS I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
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confusedbutexcited2010 posted:
How do I show a man that he is danger of losing me? What or is there anything that you can do to show the person that you have been dating that if their actions do not change you are going to leave. I want him to see that I love him but will not stick around for non-sense. Any suggestions!

Thanks
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
Have you tried telling him that if things do not change, you're leaving?
 
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cjh1203 responded:
Ditto what tlkittycat said. Just tell him. I don't know any other way, and it would be silly not to just be direct with him anyway.
 
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gd9900 responded:
Actions speak louder than words...if you've already talked with him and he's not responding, you have some choices. Set boundaries with him regarding the behavior that is causing issue. Make sure consequences are in place, to hold him accountable for his actions. Its just as important for your words and actions to be in line. If he responds positively, great. If he doesn't, it might be time to take a break.
 
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confusedbutexcited2010 replied to tlkittycat1968's response:
I have expressed my feelings and he's really set on the whole lets just be friends. However, at the same time he doesn't want me to leave hime alone.
 
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confusedbutexcited2010 replied to gd9900's response:
Actions do speak louder then words, and I have expressed how I feel. I think that it's best for me to move on. I try and do things to get a response and it doesnt work at all. I think ignores certain things that I say to possibly avoid hurting my feelings. I want to FIRE back at him in a classy way. SOmeone told me to stop calling and texting and when he does call iignore the call follow by a text letting him know that i'm busy and will talk with him later...not sure if that will be an effective approach knowing the type of person he is
 
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confusedbutexcited2010 replied to cjh1203's response:
I think i've been as direct as i can be. I just want to give things one last shot before i throw the towel in.
 
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cjh1203 replied to confusedbutexcited2010's response:
He's told you he only wants to be friends -- I don't understand why you think you can still be more. What he has said is that he wants to break up with you.

Don't worry about firing back at him (there is no classy way to do that anyway) or playing juvenile games with him. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, so telling him he's going to lose you isn't going to do any good. Ignoring his calls and then telling him you're busy isn't going to do any good, either.

Just be adult about it and accept that this is a relationship that's run its course. If you have stronger feelings for him, I think that trying to be friends with him is going to make it much harder to get over him.

You said you think it's time to move on -- I think you're right. And if you find it too hard to be just friends, let him know that it's best of you don't contact each other any more.
 
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Spankyrae responded:
Considering he's expressed he doesn't want to date, if you "show him what he could lose" it would be out of manipulation. Is that how you'd want a relationship to form?

I hope not. Walk away because it's best for you, not because you want him to miss you & realize what he's losing. If he were really interested or ready to date you, it would be apparent to him already & you wouldn't have to issue an ultimatum or play games.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com/ http://CreativeBlossoming.wordpress.com
 
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confusedbutexcited2010 replied to Spankyrae's response:
Ok, so I've read all that everyone has said and last night i went to his house and he was sleeping. after a brief dispute as to whether I popped up unannounced or he said it was ok. things went on as normal. It's clear that he does not want me to go, and from what he says I told him that i didn't want to be friends like that anymore...meaning no more spending so much time together, or staying at each others place. However, I did say those things out of anger but it's not what I really wanted. I think as time goes on we will be ok. He made it very clear today and this morning that he wants me there with him. There was no sex involved, i just wanted to lay with him. I think I will give this friendship another shot, at least until maybe I meet someone else.
 
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cjh1203 replied to confusedbutexcited2010's response:
Are you dating or are you friends? You have said both in your posts.
 
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confusedbutexcited2010 replied to cjh1203's response:
It's confusing we are friends; but at the same time we were dating as well. It's kind of like we spend a lot of time with one another, and we do all the things a couple would do just without the title. I think he wants to continune dating, but wants to be able to have friends as well. I believe at times I can look to deep into things and blow small things out of proportion. To be honest, we never established out relationship we kind of both just went with the flow, as time went on feelings got stronger and emotions started to show.
 
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Springisnear responded:
Instead of changing the man find one that is already been changed.
 
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Spankyrae replied to confusedbutexcited2010's response:
I have been in this same exact position, which others on here may recall me posting about previously. The pseudo-relationship, dating without the actual title... if you want a real, formal relationship in which BOTH of you openly commit to each other, don't settle for less. There is nothing wrong with you wanting acknowledgment of a relationship & commitment; there is nothing wrong with him not wanting to commit.

However, it's wrong for BOTH of you to go along with this fake dating (sex dating but "just friends") when you each want something different. You can't change what he wants, but you can change how you react to it. You're compromising your desires for a half-assed "relationship."

If you're comfortable with this non-commitment, then go for it. But I suspect you're not. If you continue, expect more heartache, more confusion, more drama. Don't assume just because he says he wants to spend time time with you, that it means you two are committed. You guys need to directly acknowledge this with each other.

I understand it's a tough situation, again, I have totally been here. I understand wanting to just be with him, and being willing to forgo what you really want because of that desire. You deserve much more than you're allowing. A man who really wants to be with you will not leave you wondering.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com/ http://CreativeBlossoming.wordpress.com
 
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goodguy82 responded:
Let me give you a man's advice he is using you for sex, any real man would tell you if he wanted a relationship. He will use you as long as you let him, sounds like your using him to but your the one who wants more. If love is what your after your not going to find it with him, he would have told you by now he wanted a relationship. You should never have sex with anyone untill your both clear on the whole relationship thing.


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