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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
No sex in 2 months - pregnancy unattractive?
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klynshoe posted:
Hey all,

Just need your opinion. I'm 28 and 6 months pregnant with my first - my husband is 32. We just just celebrated our 1-year anniversary (although we didn't actually do any celebrating). We had sex once in the last 2 months and it was miserable the time we did. We've been having fairly serious marriage issues that we are going to counseling for, but before even in the midst of our issues my husband has always initiated intimacy. I've never told him "No" but on occasion have expressed my lack of desire (I am willing to give even if I'm not in the 'mood'). He's always expressed to me how important sex is to him and that's why I've never flat out refused him.

However in the last 2 months (except that one time about a month ago) he has not initiated sex at all. We are very affectionate and rub each other's feet, snuggle on the couch, he still slaps my butt, etc but there is no sex.

I suspect that he might be waiting until I initiate which he's expressed to me before that's what he wants but I just don't feel comfortable initiating. It's just not my thing. And if he's playing a game with me I really don't want to get suckered into it.

My other suspicion is that maybe he's not attracted to me anymore because I have gained weight and have a large belly now due to my pregnancy. Have any husbands out there lost their sexual desire when their wives were pregnant? Is this normal?

I worry that if he's not getting it from me how else is he gratifying himself? Should I be worried he is seeing someone else? After all we are still struggling with some other very serious issues.

Any advice/suggestions appreciated. We are already seeing a counselor but sessions are only 2-3 times month and you can only fit so much in in 1 hour!
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candy352 responded:
Some men may act differently with pregnancy. It's something new to them and may feel left out of certain things. I don't think he is playing a game with you. The same way you may feel unattractive, he may feel the same way. It hurts when you have to initiate sex all the time. It's nice to feel wanted.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
I think you're just going to have to get over initiating not being your 'thing'. That's lazy, and just taking the easy way out to be quite honest. If you want to have sex, tell him. Show him. Stop waiting around for him to initiate all the time.

he needs to feel wanted, too. See how it makes you feel when he doesn't make YOU feel wanted? Chances are you're making him feel the same way. JMO
 
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Anon_129305 responded:
I have quite a several kids and when my wife was about 6 or 7 months into our first child I found out I issues with haveing sex when shes that far along. We had sex and I could feel the babies head, which bothered me to the point I couldn't function. It was so freaky because the baby moved. Makes it hard to think about sex when you keep thinking about the baby.

So once my wife gets to that point we use our hands and oral.
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to Anon_129305's response:
Babies' heads aren't engaged in the pelvis until a good few weeks until birth, most at about 35-36 weeks. At 6 months the baby is still tiny and floating around in there--there's no way you felt the baby's head.
 
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Elle0317 replied to Anon_129305's response:
There is a thing called a cervix and it separates the vagina from the womb. And there is a placenta that surrounds the baby inside the womb, so there is absolutely no way your penis got through the cervix (which has a tiny opening, btw), bust the placenta and were hitting the baby's head. If anything, you were hitting her cervix, not the baby.
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to Elle0317's response:
Actually, the placenta doesn't normally cover the opening at the cervix (placenta previa). It is dangerous if it does occur (and it does occur) but it's not the case in the majority of pregnancies.

But even still, the cervix is long and hard and there's no way any man "hit" the baby's head at 6 or 7 months pregnant. I'm no expert but let's just say I walked around dilated to 3 for WEEKS in my last 3 pregnancies (out of 4) and it never happened to us. The cervix would not have to only be dilated but completely effaced (thinned out) for that to happen.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to Elle0317's response:
I think you mean the amniotic sac surrounds the baby.
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
My husband backed off on sex during the pregnancy, especially at first. He said he felt weird about it like he worried about hurting the baby, or that somehow the baby would know or see what we were doing. Of course none of those things would happen but that's what bothered him.
Maybe your hubby has that issue too.
 
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wwilson89 replied to candy352's response:
I agree with Steph, if you want some buns, go out and get them! He's your husband, and he's mentioned that's what he wants. You probably wouldn't like it if he denied you what you wanted at times b/c it "wasn't his thing."

As far as pregnancy, some men don't like having sex with pregnant women. When I was pregnant, once I visibly had a baby bump at 5 months, DF (dear finace) and I didn't do the deed again until 8 weeks after I'd had our son. He said it weirded him out too much.


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