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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Sex once or less a month...
Anon_232805 posted:
I've been married for almost a year now, and this is not a new problem, but i have a fear it's getting worse. My husband has mental issues and rarely feels in the mood for any kind of sexual interaction ( at least between us ) and also we both have gained weight but each of us has lost a total of 105 lbs, and i should probably add that he and I both have cysts, and they can sometimes be painful. But even though i try to seduce him, he gets mad, or annoyed, or just shoots me down. No matter what i've tried has failed. It hurts that my husband whom i love, makes me feel ugly and worthless. And i know he still gets "horny" only because he ( only sometimes forgets ) forget to delete the browsing history on our computer after he looks at porn. It's frustrating because there hasn't been any sexual interaction between us, but yet he master bates. I understand that we are human and we do it, but when he has a wife who is practically begging for it, whats the more obvious choice? Every time we talk about why we are not having sex, he say's he doesn't feel sexy or attractive, or we need to try something new in bed ( but when it comes down to it, he doesn't try either just expects me to come up with everything)or it's not my fault but his. But i'm really starting to think that it is my fault. More and more i'm seeing porn ad's pop up on our computer and more and more i'm seeing that our history as been deleted everyday. The porn wouldn't bother me as much also, if he hadn't been so adamant about how he doesn't like porn because he's "not 12". I guess i'm just asking what should i do? I'm out of idea's.

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Should I stay or should i go?
  • Stay, it could get better and sex isn't everything
  • Go, it makes you unhappy
  • Talk it and then decide
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elle0317 responded:
Have you told him exactly what you just told us? If so, what did he say?
bcarlson17 replied to elle0317's response:
have. not so much in depth but he knows. he hasn't said anything other then what i've stated in the main post...
wwilson89 responded:
He may honestly feel really bad about himself. He may be anxious about his body image and his performance; masturbating to porn is just easier and there is no rejection. It also takes a LOT less effort. I'm not saying he's right, but definitely don't blame yourself. I don't think he's turning you away b/c of anything you are or are not doing, but b/c of personal things he has going on with himself. Maybe if you two tried to work through his issues with you being his support system, the sex would eventually return and get better. In any sense, this is his problem and it's effecting you deeply. He owes it to you, and himself, to get help.

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