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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    A followup on my "stuff"
    avatar
    queston posted:
    Many of you have followed the saga of my marriage and parenting difficulties here over the last few years.

    This spring, we started up with a new counselor. It went much better. It's not all unicorns and rainbows now, but I have seen a drastic improvement with my relationships with my wife and daughter.

    I finally convinced my wife to read John Gottman's Seven Principles--this is the best marriage book I've ever read. We haven't worked through it together or anything (which would be even better), but I can tell she has read it and it has effected some of the ways she relates to me.

    One thing I have changed is that I am calling her out on her passive-aggressive behaviors much more often and more immediately. This really seems to have made an impact with my daughter--like she respects the fact that I am sticking up for myself more publicly.

    Our oldest is in college, and our daughter and foster daughter will be moving out in a year. Both girls are noticeably growing up and giving us a little less grief. Our youngest (14) is trying to step up and fill the void a little these days, but his teenage antics are bush league compared to theirs so far.

    Part of this may just be running it's course with her--she does seem to be a little nicer and more even keeled. I suspect that she may be fairly close to the actual point of menopause, which will be a good thing, I think. Her libido and our mutual enjoyment of sex seems to be bouncing back, although there is still a ways to go there.

    But we are in a much better place than we were 6 months ago.
    Reply
     
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    cfisk responded:
    Yay! I'm really glad to read that because 6 months ago I really thought your marriage could not be saved. Both of you were not communicating well and it seemed like she was treating you with contempt and I thought "contempt is the kiss of death!"

    But you proved me wrong and you were willing to do the work to save it. I especially like the fact that your daughters are noticing. It must have been frustrating for all the kids to see how the two of you were interacting back in the winter.

    Correct me if I'm wrong: didn't you say many months ago that your wife had had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago? Maybe I'm mixing that fact up with what another person had written.
     
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    stephs_3_kidz responded:
    I'm glad to hear that, queston.
     
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    tmlmtlrl responded:
    That is wonderful to hear I'm very happy for you. Especially that things are looking up with the kids as well as your wife! Thanks for the update. It's nice to know when things are going well.

    I always end up wondering about people on here and of course things are usually going good when we're not hearing from people, but it's much nicer to know than assume.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
     
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    gd9900 responded:
    queston I'm so glad to hear things are going better!
     
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    queston replied to cfisk's response:
    No, that must have been someone else.

    She started perimenopausal symptoms at about 40. The worst of them were mood swings and terribly irregular periods. She went on the pill, which helped both of those things but her libido took a nosedive.

    She's now 45, still on the pill (although she did change brands several months ago).
     
    avatar
    cjh1203 responded:
    It's great to see a positive report from you, Queston -- you've been fighting this battle for a long time. I'm really happy that all of your family relationships are looking better.
     
    avatar
    fcl replied to queston's response:
    Glad to hear things are on the up-and-up

    Changing her brand of pills may have helped because, at her age, the doc would most likely hve given her the mini-pill instead. It has no estrogen. This could make a BIG difference to her.

    I'm just SO pleased to hear your good news!
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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