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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
summer_is_here posted:
Lets us know how you are doing. The link to your discussion got messed up.
jamieleno responded:
Hey = ) sucky that the link and thread just stopped working, i was wondering what happened. I had posted a long long response to your last question on it and now its gone = ( oh well. HA. Well anyways things have been spectacular. Me and my guy have been having a great couple of weeks and have really hashed out the details of our relationship and our wants and needs. there have been a couple slight arguments but its all mainly because I will try to talk to him about something im having an issue with (feeling insecure due to some of the things he said when we almost broke up). he had gotten instantly defensive saying things like we will never be able to work things out and I have just tried to be really calm and tell him he needs to relax and we need to just talk and give ourselves a chance to work things out instead of just instantly jumping on being defensive. He's having a hard time accepting that things are different in our relationship, on my end, and he's still scared to talk to me because he thinks it will make me more mad.

But yea in the past maybe 3 weeks (?) we have only had 2 small arguments (well mainly him arguing) and other than that everything has been great and we have really started to understand each other even more than ever. We have been happy. He treats me like a princess. ha.

I have been having a hard time getting over some of the things he's said during the rough spot we hit. Things like when he told me he wasnt ready to be in a relationship and he should have let himself fall in love with me and he doesnt know if were soul mates anymore. He has taken everything back since 5 minutes after he said them and since then explained to me that he was just in a really dark place and thought the only way either of us could be happy is if we were apart, but still I cant get them out of my head. He has told me he will be with me for as long as I want him here and that he wants to and is going to be with me forever if i let him. I don't know why but its really been feeding into my insecurities, any one have any advice on how to get over it?
longduckdong46 replied to jamieleno's response:
So are you still giving everything you got to get off the narcotics, and is he giving up the peace pipe ?
I can't be more sincere with you when I tell you that the mind altering effects will destroy any relationship that you have.

Now, it does sound as though things have improved , yet you state the insecurities are still creeping in to the thought process.
I still suggest a cooling off period so that you both can spend time apart. That may sound a little odd, but in my past when I did not see my SO for an extended period of time for whatever reason, I found you either realize that you are better off with them or without them.
jamieleno replied to longduckdong46's response:
Yes, of course, im still in the process of getting off the methadone. My boyfriend still smokes though and thats not going to change. I dont mind him smoking really, but i have tried to talk about medication for him with him and he refuses to even talk about it really. He does not like the idea. He thinks he may be bi polar but he doesnt seem to think medication is neccissary. Im not him so i dont know how bad it is or how he feels really, but i dont really think he is, i think hes just depressed sometimes.

We both know that we are better off together and we have talked about spending time apart and neither one of us wants that. We spent some time apart when we were having the hard time and it did help us see that we wanted to whatever it took to stay together.

I am still insecure sometimes because its really hard to get over some of the things he said during that time, but its not so bad that its destroying us or me or anything. I just need to learn how to forget about that and move on. Maybe it just takes time...
FCL replied to jamieleno's response:
You said that he thinks he may be bi-polar ... Do you think that he couild be persuaded to get an evaluation? Perhaps talking to a health professional that specializes in the domain might make him realize that there just may be more appropriate and more effective treatments out there. It's all very well refusing treatment because you don't like the thought of it but supposing that could radically change the quality of his life? And, perhaps, also the lives of those around him... You'd be surprised at how many people who are bi-polar don't think they need medication.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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