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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Posts that Trigger?
    Foreverinyoureyes2 posted:
    There are 2 posts on WebMD right now that I must read with caution. One is the very long Post Vacation post on this board, and the other is on the relationships board about a woman that is in a questionable relationship with a man that appears to be married.

    I have very strong feelings about both of these posts, but I learned a long time ago, that posts that illicit an actual emotional response in me are posts that I need to refrain from replying too. Very often my replies are about me, not the poster, and posts like that seem to transport me back in time to when I was in a similiar situation and it is no longer healthy or beneficial for me to call up those old wounds that are best left alone.

    I just wondered if others had subject matter or posts that you have to leave alone or proceed with caution because they have an unwelcome emotional affect on you? Do you reply with caution or do you avoid them all together?
    caramelskin01 responded:
    Yes, there are some posts that leave me thinKing about it three days later or weeks later. Especially about abuse.One i read was too vivid. I was so upset until I dont even look at sights like that any more. it is too much. I cannot handle all that about abuse. i know its out there but, its just too VIVID.
    BalconyBelle replied to caramelskin01's response:
    Like caramelskin01, abuse is a hot spot for me. Especially abuse against a woman by a man. I don't avoid those topics, but I'll generally post my opinion, then bow out of the discussion.

    Vividness of posts doesn't necessarily bother me...simply because reading those threads brings back the worst that's happened to me, regardless of the level of violence. It's like a switch flips inside me, and I'm taken back to nights where I was beaten, abducted, assaulted, and attacked. No matter what the poster wrote--whether it was she got pushed, or she was sent to the hospital--the visceral response level remains the same. Intellectually, I know there's a difference in the level of violence visited upon the victim, but emotionally, as I sit by the computer screen, the confession of abuse brings the memories of my own flooding back---no holds barred.

    It is an unwelcome effect, and it's fairly traumatizing...but I'll still try helping. On nights like that I don't sleep. I'll step in with my two cents...then after that, I'll leave it up to the OP. Most of the abuse threads involve the majority of responders giving the same advice anyway. I can't stand to read the thread, then listen to someone try to talk themselves into being a victim, to try convincing themselves, despite all of the advice and encourgement they're given here, to go back or stay with the monsters that hurt them.

    I'll throw in my two cents, but I can't make them save themselves, and I refuse to watch a downward spiral.
    naggingwife74 responded:
    There are posts on the 4 year old parenting boards that I avoid completely. The posts about abused kids or kids that have passed away are a huge trigger for me. Not because I have experienced it but more because it breaks my heart. Those posts will make me sad and it will last for a long time, sometimes weeks. I have learned to skip over those.

    The same goes for the posts on this board about women being in bad or abusive relationships with kids are being pregnant. Knowing kids are involved affects me in a terrible way.
    naggingwife74 replied to naggingwife74's response:
    Sorry I meant to say relationships with kids OR being pregnant.
    stephs_3_kidz replied to naggingwife74's response:
    I agree.

    There are a lot of posts that trigger things for me. I get too emotionally involved with my responses and need to learn to let it go.

    Like BalconyBelle said, I'm getting to the point where I just can't sit and watch that downward spiral. The denial. The subject-changing when things get tough.

    Those are the posts that kill me.
    tmlmtlrl responded:
    The hardest lesson I had to learn in life was that you can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. It seriously crushed my "save the world" mentality as a teenager. So when there are people that I feel won't do anything, aren't going to do anything, or won't be responsible for things I just move on.

    Sometimes I might throw something in there but I won't continue on. It feels like beating a dead horse, as that saying grossly goes!

    I have an issue with being very passionate and therefore putting too much into others. I want people to want more for themselves.

    I think with the abuse posts it's pretty clear when someone is really going to or wants to do something about it. I've not been in an abusive relationship but I've dealt with many of them from the outside.

    Sadly if someone doesn't care to help themselves I will walk away. I've learned not to put more energy into someone's life than they are willing to put in themselves. And it does make me sad that I've gone that far or feel that cold, but I guess over time that's just who I've become.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    FrenchBulldogMom responded:
    My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 1/2 years. We're going to have IVF in the next month or so. I've had 2 outpatient surgeries and a failed IUI, and other drug therapies. I can't stand to read posts about people announcing their pregnancies. It's too hard.
    IslandL replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    "I've learned not to put more energy into someone's life than they are willing to put in themselves."

    Me too.

    I don't read this forum as much as I used to, but when I participated alot I would get frustrated with some of the posters who I felt didn't really want advice, just wanted their own opinion validated.
    Anon_596 replied to IslandL's response:
    "I don't read this forum as much as I used to, but when I participated alot I would get frustrated with some of the posters who I felt didn't really want advice, just wanted their own opinion validated."

    So are you saying that if a poster doesn't comply with or agree with your views or opinions, and act on them accordingly to you that they are or the issue is invalid? The 'One Size Fits All' theory? Or do you mean the posters who may be looking for pity, as in 'poor me' versus a change or solution?
    Anon_596 responded:
    I tend to steer clear from posts involving abuse, violence and infidelity. Or as you said proceed with caution, not to internalize or be judgemental. I like reading the views and opinions from the differing personality and character of the posters.
    tlkittycat1968 replied to Anon_596's response:
    I'm pretty sure she means the posters looking for pity or sympathy. Those are the ones who when offered advice will come up with a million and one reasons why they can't follow the advice.

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