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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
How important do you feel the size of your diamond engagement/wedding ring is?
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GuardSquealer posted:
When I bought my wifes engagement ring 20 some years ago I didn't have a huge amount of money to spend on it. I felt it was a unique and pretty ring. But the diamond wasn't that large. Now when I look at other married women around our age, they all seem to have big ole diamond rings.

I have been thinking that maybe I should get my wife a bigger diamond. I am sure I could get a larger stone put into the original ring. Or maybe I should just buy her a larger ring to wear on her other hand. She has told me years ago that she was very happy with her ring. But it makes me feel a little inferior for my wife not to have a bigger eye catching stone.

Do you think the original ring stands for something more or would a bigger stone mean more? Just curious how others feel.
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Spankyrae responded:
I think there are bigger fish to fry than worrying about a stone, in general and in your world. Myself, I have no interest in a large diamond, if one at all. I'm not a bling person and prefer more natural types of jewelry.
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fcl responded:
Leave it alone. She said she was happy with her ring. You're the one who's noticing that others have bigger diamonds. So what? The size of a diamond doesn't equate to the amount of love you have for someone. Face it, you don't feel inferior for your wife, you feel inferior for you. Now stop this macho nonsense NOW.

If you want to do something to show you love her, rather than buy her another ring (is she a jewelry kind of person? Lots of us aren't ...), how about renewing your vows and having a party to celebrate?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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longduckdong46 replied to fcl's response:
I honestly don't see anything wrong with the idea of getting her a larger diamond, afterall 20 years today is a remarkable accomplishment as far as I'm concerned.
I know you have had some difficult moments, but if you feel it is important enough for her, and you would like to see her with additional sparkle than I say do it.
 
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BalconyBelle replied to fcl's response:
I second FCL. I've actually told my fiance that I DON'T want diamonds--in either of my rings.

I meant it, and thankfully he seems to be listening to me. I don't care for them, I think they're ridiculously over-priced thanks to DeBeer's stranglehold on the market, I don't like large stones in rings, and if he reeeeaallly wants to give me a hunk of ice for my finger, it had better be imitation or a different stone. Personally, I'd prefer the money be used for our honeymoon or home.

Listen to your wife, and if you really want to do something to show you care, there are much better ways to do so than buying a gaudy replacement to something she already loves.
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3point14 responded:
I do care about the ring, actually. Quite a bit. I've been proposed to, or "proposed to" like...eight times in my life. Of those eight times, only five of the gentlemen were prepared with rings. The others pretty much assumed I was of the "I don't care" school of thought, and that I would prefer money to be spent in other ways. I wouldn't. I'd prefer a nice ring.

I'm not saying a huge diamond, but something very nice to me is a prereq. To me it shows stability, it shows that the guy can afford to spend some money and won't have it mess up his bills. I'm intensely responsible when it comes to money, so someone who's saved excess to get me something traditionally significant just does appeal.

I don't know if anyone else has ever been proposed to without a ring, but it's kind of anti-climactic. I was told "When I can afford something, I'll get you something beautiful"...Oh well, that's nice. But if you can't afford a piece of decent jewelry why should I believe you'll have the funds to start a household? I don't expect to be taken care of financially in a relationship, but I do expect to be valued and personally for me, that includes not being what I consider half-assed.

Again, not saying I'd need a huge diamond, but definitely something that shows some degree of effort and taste, Something that I like, something that fits, something that shows a certain base level of regard for the levity of wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone...I have found it disrespectful to have a guy on a bended knee with a poem, because as sweet as it is, that's just not how I see my life going. I get misconstrued for being a lot less traditional than I actually am, and to me someone giving me a ring is their way of saying "I understand you're traditional, and if you're going to get married I know you want to do it in a traditional way".

I don't think you should replace the original ring in any way. She likes it! It's you who has the problem with it. But I think if you want to get her another token, a ring, a necklace, something, look at what she likes and get something she'll enjoy, not just impress others with.

I'd be interested to see, too, of your friends whose huge rocks were the original rings. I think a lot of people start off with something smaller and then as life situations change, positions in society go up, there's more money to spend, guys do buy their wives something bigger. I know my grandparents "upgraded" around their 30th anniversary, my bosses husband just got her something ostentatious, my Dad even got my Mom a gorgeous emerald a few years back as a token of their being together.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
Well, if you want to get her a new diamond to celebrate 20 years, I say go for it. But don't do it because you feel her ring is inferior, or because you want her to be able to keep up with Ms. Jones next door. Do it because you love her.

Personally, my husband has told me before that he wants to "replace" my diamond and get me something bigger (when mine is fine thanks). It sort of annoyed me bc I didn't say "yes" because of the size of the ring. I LOVE my ring--not because it's a diamond (although I do think it's pretty) but because it's the ring he gave me when he asked me to be his wife.

I'm sure YOUR wife feels the same, Guard.

I suggest, instead of replacing her engagement ring, maybe buying her a pretty diamond anniversary band to go alongside it if it's a gift you're considering.

But no---I don't think a bigger blingier stone means "more". The original ring is very dear to her heart, I guarantee it.
 
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queston replied to 3point14's response:
Wow, Pi...

"I've been proposed to, or "proposed to" like...eight times in my life."


Aren't you in your early 20s? That's pretty impressive
 
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3point14 replied to queston's response:
Yeah, turned 23 in July.

It's really just the mix of not sleeping around (guys assume I will if we get married) and having a love of somewhat wounded, weird-looking men. This isn't the case in my current relationships, but because I'm sincerely attracted to guys that don't get girls frequently, their desperation lets them believe they "love" me no matter how incompatible we are. Mix the other main type that I've been attracted to, controlling freaks, and it actually just makes sense.

hahaha So I don't/didn't take the proposals seriously, if it makes sense.
 
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mrslee97658 responded:
My diamond on my engagement ring isn't really big but I love my ring because it came from the heart and my DH put a lot of thought into it. He told me that my hands are so delicate that I didn't need a big gawdy ring and the ring does look perfect on my little hand. He even got the size right and thats really hard unless you ask the person their size or are trying on rings with them. It goes beautifully with my wedding band too. So I think your wife is equally as happy with the ring that YOU gave her the first time and if you changed it she might not have such sentimental value attached to the new ring as the old one.
 
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
Not important. As a matter of fact, my engagemet ring was bought at Target with my blessing as I'd helped pick it out. Even when I was younger and single and dreaming while looking at engagement rings, I was always drawn to the smaller rings.

I, personally, don't like big stones. I think they're gaudy but that's just me.
 
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kristinmarie722 responded:
Not a HUGE deal. But I do agree with PI with a lot of what she said.

When I was with my son's father, and we had generally talked about getting married, I would of been fine with just the actual wedding ring. No engagement ring. I knew what his bank account looked like. And to me it is more important to make sure our son had money, not that I had some huge ring on my finger.

With my SO, we talk marriage. I gave him an idea of what kind of ring I would like. Probably like 1/2 carat. Even though a carat would be nice. I am realistic. While he does have a good job, he does have 4 kids. I would never expect a huge ring that would put him (us) into debt.

Now if a rich man proposes to me with a little diamond, I am going to be mad.... like you know you can afford more lol
 
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kristinmarie722 replied to kristinmarie722's response:
And sorry Guard, to reply to your actual post- if your wife is fine with the ring, I wouldnt worry. I can bet a lot of those rings you are seeing now, are "replacement ring", etc. Most of the time, when people start off being married, etc. they dont have a lot of money.
But it would be a nice gift if you can afford it. As in, hey we have been together 20 years. That is a long time!
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to kristinmarie722's response:
Mine is a 1 carat marquis, but when I had it reset I got a 1/3 carat band and I have my anniversary band, which is just 1/4 carat but very pretty.

I don't think my set is overly extravagant and certainly not huge by today's standards but my husband seems to think that all women would LOVE a 2 or 3 carat diamond on their finger.

I'm short and I have small hands. It would probably look silly.

And mine was bought 16 years ago.
 
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gd9900 responded:
For me, the engagement ring my husband got me was far more than a beautiful piece of jewelry. It signified his choice...choice in wanting to spend a life together with me.


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