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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    New Experience
    An_241042 posted:
    I am 50 Y/O male dating a 43 Y/O female and our relationship is about to turn physical. We are both divorced. My ex was a healthy female with no history of reproductive surgury, and we had a great sexual relationship. My new partner made it very clear to me that she had her ovaries (only) removed because of serious cancer issues in her family tree. She further advised me that since she carries a marker gene, she can't receive hormone replacement therapy. She told me that sex is "difficult" and that this has led to vaginal dryness. I have never been intimate with someone whom has this issue and was wondering if a woman with this condition lubricates during arousal and can a woman reach orgasam. How should I approach our first night of passion together and what should I expect? For the first time in my life, I am nervous about intimacy. Any help from the members would be appreciated.
    FCL responded:
    You will need lots of lube and gentleness. Yes, she can reach orgasm. However, she may have a lower libid than you'd think. You might find it useful to google "post-menopause and sex".

    I think it's great that she warned you first
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    queston responded:
    My wife went through that dryness stage, at about age 43 in fact. Luckily, she seems to have moved past that particular menopausal symptom.

    Keep in mind that, without natural lubrication, contact of any kind (fingers, etc) with her vagina or clitoris may be a little uncomfortable for her. So you don't just need to lube up for actual intercourse--you may need it for foreplay as well.
    TOPCOP2003 replied to FCL's response:
    Every day brings a new surprise. Today we were watching a local TV news story about cancer and women whom are at risk. She then advised me that like the woman on TV, she also had both breasts removed as a precaution. We were at dinner last weekend and I did not notice any difference. She has told me that they were replaced with 32 A implants. I am in NO WAY upset, I am very understanding because I really like this person. I am just concerened that I have always had a very active sex life, and not sure what I am up against here.
    An_241048 replied to TOPCOP2003's response:
    This all sounds odd. Are you later going to find out that more parts are missing?
    Elle0317 replied to An_241048's response:
    It's not odd for someone with cancer. So what if she has more 'parts' missing? Would you rather her be dead instead??
    darlyn05 replied to Elle0317's response:
    Many people that have undergone cancer treatments (the varying forms that there are) are self conscious and affraid of certain forms of physical intimacy. Even those who have done so as a precautionary measure as was mentioned previously. If I had my way I'd have both my breasts removed as well.
    darlyn05 replied to darlyn05's response:
    Sorry! Hit the wrong "Reply" button. Cancer is not gender specific or originating. A man that looses a testicle or breast feels the same emotions. Perhaps even with his prostate regardless if it's visable or not.
    Jessyka76 responded:
    I think the first night is always intense, I'm sure if you just go with the flow things will work out for both of you, remember this is a new experience and don't compare her with your ex. I would do 4 play and introduce lubercant during this time, If you find out it is hard for her to have a orgasm, maybe you two can shop together and get something with the vibration effect, it is proven it takes a women twice as long to reach her climax than a man, I found using toys together helps open our sex life up as well as communication. Good Luck! Try not to focus so much on her problems she introduced, instead focus on each other and just being close.
    Swan88 replied to Jessyka76's response:
    Using lubricant is not a big issue and most women at some point need it. And it does not necessarily affect how able she is to orgasm or how long it may take her to reach arousal. Most women do need more foreplay than men in order to be able to climax. Even so few women regularly have an orgasm during intercourse. You may have to ask if she is able climax or just pleasure her to the point she is building toward and orgasm to know for yourself before you complete your own pleasure and that is true for most women not just those that have a medical condition. Not all women are comfortable with the introduction of toys and she may feel like there is something wrong with her if she needs them. Something better to discuss before trying.

    I wander exactly what she means by sex being "difficult" other than just an inability to produce sufficient lubrication. But it sounds as though you are a caring partner and with the aide of a good lubricant should be able to help her enjoy a good sex life.

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