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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Shhhh! Dad's/Mom's resting/sleeping!
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darlyn05 posted:
We've discussed sleeping arrangements for couples who work different shifts. Along with some of those situations is the fact that the children or SO is still active in the home during the others resting period. Some people are lighter sleepers than others regardless of the varying sleep cycles.

How do you handle activities within the home when the other, your SO, is resting? Do you keep everything quiet sort of like 'tip-toe'? Do you leave the home for other activities on purpose for that quiet? Do you limit your activities within the home for added quiet? Do you carry on as usual, OR do you carry on as usual until that really loud noise?

With that in mind, are your children lighter sleepers? Are you caring for an elderly relative? How do you handle household activities and noise for them?
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FCL responded:
Sometimes my partner is called out during the night. We have really thick walls (the house is 200 years old and is all stone) BUT ... the kitchen is just below our bedroom. I try not to let the girls in to the kitchen on mornings after he's been called out. Every sound is exaggerated (he doesn't believe this when I tell him ... he just keeps on emptying the dishwasher - AARRRGHHH!) through the ceiling so I try to avoid it.

My children are not light sleepers (quite the contrary) and no elderly relatives here (because she won't get on a plane ...).

It's just a question of respect and awareness

In any case, if someone has trouble sleeping I put them in the "back bedroom". It's over a workshop, on the north side and has no trees (youi have no idea how noisy birds can be). You're in the pitch dark, no sounds whatsoever coming from the rest of the house and you are liable to sleep forever ... Every guest we've had that slept there had to be woken up. It's a sensory experience sleeping in there but you feel great when you wake. So I suppose it's sort of a relaxation pod.
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BalconyBelle replied to FCL's response:
Lol...sensory deprivation chamber for the win

Your guest room sounds wonderful, FCL--my sister has something very similar. I call it her 'cave'--an interior room with no windows, thick walls, & well sealed doors--so it's partially soundproofed with no lights at all unless she turns them on.

My fiance isn't a heavy sleeper unless he's exhausted, but I'm quiet enough that I can still walk around/open doors where he is without waking him up. However, I usually try to make sure there's at least one room's worth of distance between wherever I'm making noise & he's sleeping, just in case. I'm an incredibly light sleeper (unless I'm sick or exhausted), but I'm generally good-natured about the fact that I'll get accidentally woken up--repeatedly--as long as you let me go back to sleep.

We've surprised each other with breakfast in bed a couple of times...and in his case, it takes strategy. I'm a light enough sleeper I'll wake up when he leaves, or when I hear him puttering around in the kitchen, then I'll smell food, and come out to investigate. I ruined 'breakfast-in-bed' 4 times that way--then one day he succeeding by fixing a fruit tray the night before while I was having a Lord of the Rings marathon, putting it in the fridge before I saw it, and bringing it to me the next morning. He had this absolutely adorable expression of triumphant glee on his face from finally being able to pull it off
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darlyn05 responded:
I consider myself to be more of the 'tip-toer' regardless of the size of the home or placement of the sleeping areas. And of course avoiding activies, or rather noise/sound appropriate ones, nearby those areas. I view it as a common courtesy and consideration for others. Especially if they are sick, recovering, or I just plain and simply need a break.

In general I'm a lighter sleeper with times that I sleep heavily. The majority of people I know are light sleepers, hence the 'tip-toe'. So I find that I have frequent occassions where I'm not getting things accomplished that I want to or should, and by the time the other(s) is up I've lost my energy, motivation, and even ambition to do those things.

I do however find it easier to move around and do things when children are around and up for the simple reason that a little more noise is expected and the other person(s) won't wake up irritated by that. LOL
 
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3point14 responded:
My fella can sleep through my yelling his name in his face, so fortunately I don't have to be quiet when he's sleeping. He also tends to sleep a lot more than what I do, so there have been times where I've had guests over and he's still managed to sleep through our noise!

I'm at a selfish, weird point in my life where it would make me very uncomfortable to be with someone who had either parents at home (or still lived with their parents) or who had children. The last guy I dated briefly before M and I became official still lived at home and we couldn't turn on any lights in his place if we got there after 10 unless it was in his bedroom. It made me feel 16, and not in a good way. Quite frankly, I didn't like being herded to his room.
 
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
DH's alarm goes off at 4:15a and mine goes off at 4:30a. His wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep for two reasons: 1. He uses the master bath to shower and get ready; and, 2; My alarm goes off 15 minues after his does. On those mornings I don't work and he does, I'm able to go back to sleep after he leaves for work at 5a.

DH is a pretty sound sleeper and can fall asleep while I'm in the shower in the master bath. My kids are sound sleepers and DH can play his drums in the back room and it won't wake them up.
 
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Spankyrae responded:
I live alone, so about half the time, I can sleep without interruptions. I'm a light sleeper (and a sensitive one) and my BF is kind of in the middle. He goes to sleep before I do most times and also wakes up before I do. So even though he sleeps heavier, I still try to be considerate with noise while I'm still up.

Since he's up before me in the morning, he gets out of the bedroom quickly and doesn't come back in until he leaves and kisses me goodbye. I like that, so I don't mind the interruption.

I'm such a light sleeper that if his cell phone is flipped up, the light will bother me or wake me up if it comes on. I sleep with a fan for the white noise to drown out various noises like neighbors, birds, or the dumpster company that comes to empty our dumpsters at 3-4AM. I've also done that since I was a kid. I like darkness when I sleep, but the natural light in the morning to help my body wake up better.

I've also made myself adjust to not being such a light sleeper when I started getting serious with my BF, since we're on different body clocks. So I've learned to fall back asleep right away after his alarm goes off or he kisses me goodbye.
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GuardSquealer responded:
Well I did 3rd for a long time. Usually I slept in the morning after I got home. When my daughter was in school I took her and then came back and slept. It was usually pretty quite. But subconsciously I always listened for the phone in case something happened. So I would frequently get woke up by the phone. I liked when the call blocking came out. And then I would lay back down in the evening before I would go in. Usually from 7 until 9:30. I didn't realize how hard my wife tried not to disturb me. But she says she is now getting more rest since she would wait until after I went to work to get ready for bed. So it was usually after 11 before she would get to bed. Now that I am not sleeping in there she is free to shower and get ready whenever she wants.

On occasion my daughter would have friends over and they would get a little rowdy and wake me up. I never was mad over it. I liked the kids having fun at our house. And I didn't want them to feel like they had to creep around.

And when we share hotel rooms I get up earlier than everyone else. So I usually get up and leave the room. I will go to the lobby and get on the internet or find something to do until everyone else wakes up.


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