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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Awkward Situation
    tmlmtlrl posted:
    Which seems like an understatement considering the way I feel.

    My 6 y/o son is in gymnastics. Class is held in a smaller warehouse type building with chairs against a couple walls for parents to sit and watch. All the kids there are young, maybe 8 and under. My son has been there about 6 mos and the last class we took he was the only one.

    So tonight there were two new boys there. One was, it seems like, 4 or 5. That boy's dad was a couple seats down to the left of me. He's probably mid-upper 20's.

    Towards the end of class I was watching and smiling at the boys running as fast as they could (it was cute) and all a sudden I notice a flash to my left. I look over and the guy is holding his phone in his hands on his lap and the lens is pointing at me (he's looking forward of course).

    I was pissed. I kept looking over at him and he didn't move. And all that time I looked at him he wouldn't look my way. I kept thinking to myself to say "Did you just take a picture of me?" but then all I could see him saying was "No" which was more frustrating. I kept watch because I was hoping to get a view of his phone. When I got up to leave I gave it a minute and then looked back to see him messing w/his phone. punk.

    He took my happiness and my comfort away from me in that moment. I really felt violated. Now the thing is I am close to my period and sorry to bring it up but I do have a hard time with it and my emotions. I don't know if how I feel is just being amplified because of that. That is why I chose to write here and to sleep on it before doing anything besides venting.

    I've thought about calling the place and saying something because the guy and my son's coach had a short conversation that implied they know each other. The thought even went through my head that I didn't want to go back there.

    I thought about saying something to the guy or dirty looking him next time (I got some fierce dirty looks especially when someone disgusts me).

    I thought about just biting my tongue and letting it pass. But I don't know that I can hold back the dirty looks though.

    So what do you think?
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    GuardSquealer responded:
    Ok so I agree it is some what strange. Do you feel he tried to take an inappropriate picture? Or a picture of you because he found you attractive?

    Your not 100 percent sure he took a picture, and then your not 100 percent sure why he took it. My guess is he took he because he wanted to show someone the hot mom that was at the gymnastic place.

    I would probably would tell my wife to relax and take it as a compliment, and that I would go with her next time to practice and I would make the guy feel a little uncomfortable.

    If he took a photo of you without the flash you probably wouldn't have even known. And it wouldn't be bothering you. He probably felt like a real idiot already for not being smart enough to turn off the flash first.

    I don't think he did anything illegal. But it is kind of weird to be doing at your kids practice. Unfortunately celebrities have to deal with that kind of crap all the time.

    I probably didn't tell you everything you want to hear. Hopefully you feel better in the morning. And feel free to let the dirty looks fly. He at least deserves that. Too bad you can't get his phone number and text him a pic of you giving your meanest look.
    tmlmtlrl replied to GuardSquealer's response:

    I wanted to hear what you had to say about it, not affirmations to my own notions. I agree he had to feel stupid for having the flash on!

    I think the biggest problem I had with it was the setting it was done in. It was inappropriate and especially took me off guard. I usually like to be noticed (even though I don't like to admit it) but this, I guess I was being mom and in a usually comfortable environment. I may like to be noticed but don't agree with someone stealing a pic of me. Also because of the setting it messed me up in my ability to respond, instead I just went from happy to upset.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    GuardSquealer replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    I do understand how it took some of the innocence away from the situation.

    I can actually see both sides. Obviously yours, feeling that you have been violated in some way. And not wanting to make a scene in that setting.

    And I can understand his, from you previous descriptions of yourself I might try to sneak a picture of you to share with my buddies. And if I had left the flash on I would want to crawl under a rock. Guys will be guys. That doesn't mean it is right, and he could have picked some place else to be stupid.

    But like I said try to take it as a compliment and make him feel awkward as often as you can. Probably next week his wife will come, and then you can really make him feel awkward I am sure. When she isn't looking and he is act like your going to approach them. He will get nervous as heck I am sure.
    tmlmtlrl replied to GuardSquealer's response:
    Thanks Guard. It's been helpful to hear from you. Compliment taken.

    I'm glad I didn't call the place while I was worked up. Precisely why I'm not an impulsive person.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    GuardSquealer replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    Your welcome. I am glad I helped a little. Unfortunately I have been impulsive in the past. And I have learned from my mistakes. You have a great night.
    darlyn05 responded:
    After reading your post I thought of the occassions that I had taken pictures with my cell phone at a very similar events of my children, grandchildren, etc.... Then I sat in my chair sort of reinacting those events to see how I held my phone in my lap. I'm right handed, and my cell phone (in my right hand) had then lens pointing to the right. So it is very possible that the man had taken a picture of the boys running around enjoying the moment and his cell phone just landed in his lap as mine had.

    In either case scenerio, as Guard mentioned, I'd look at it in a positive way.
    tmlmtlrl replied to darlyn05's response:
    No, I don't believe it was possible at all. The boys were way out in front of us. The flash from the camera was right at me (to the right). Then he was like frozen. Wouldn't move. Wouldn't acknowledge me. I know what happened as far as that part.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    darlyn05 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    If I were you I wouldn't let my guard completely down dismissing it then. I'd feel uncomfortable as well. I'd suggest that you have fun enjoy watching your son and all WHILE keeping my eyes open for possible reoccurances. If anything over the top of innocent flattery occurs I'd say something to the coach and your husband.
    tmlmtlrl replied to darlyn05's response:
    Yeah, I'm hoping he won't be there again. Maybe he got to bring his kid in for a trial or something. I'll find out next week. I will make him uncomfortable if he is there though.

    He wasn't a naturally intimidating person to me, and I can be quite intimidating if I chose. It was more the setting and my comfortability being taken away by surprise.

    Actually by the way he handled it I would say he is already intimidated by me, so I wouldn't expect him to pull anything else but will keep my guard up at the same time. << And that's what bothers me too. I feel like in that setting I shouldn't have to have my guard up like that, but such is life I suppose.

    I've had someone take my picture before (in an obvious way) while walking down a busy street in San Diego and it was more of a quick WTH? and everyone kept in stride. It bothered me, but it didn't feel as gross as this time.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    kristinmarie722 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    Sorry you felt uncomfortable. I think it would have freaked me out. But with what Guard said, I am assuming he probably thought you were hot and wanted to show someone. Still weird. But probably harmless.

    Efficient01 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    I agree with darlyn05, there is no way to know for sure if he took a picture of you. It is possible he was more interested in taking pictures of his son and that is how is phone landed in his lap, he may not have even noticed you were there. At the end when he was messing with his phone, maybe he was texting the picture of his son to his wife. The fact that you didn't directly see what the picture was of and you only saw the flash from the corner of your eye makes it possible that it wasn't you he was pointing his phone at. I would let it go and consider that you might be wrong about what he was doing. My cell can zoom pretty far so it is possible to take far away pics from a phone.
    tmlmtlrl replied to Efficient01's response:
    Well does your phone have such an awesome flash that it would hit a person 5 ft to the right of you while you were facing it forward? Here's the thing, he never had the phone HELD UP to take a picture of his son. Also, a picture at the end of class while the kids were RUNNING their fastest would never come out on a cell phone.

    I tend to be a people watcher and have learned to be observant of my surroundings. It's a small place. If there was even the smallest inclination to me that it could've been him taking a picture of something else then I would've blown it off thinking it was whatever possibility there was. kwim?

    I may appreciate some attention as a woman but in no way do I suffer from narcissism. Which is what I felt you implied in your post. Basically, I know what I'm talking about. I wouldn't have been upset if it was only a possibility.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    GuardSquealer replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    Well no one else can know exactly how you feel. We can only guess how we might feel in a similar situation. You have every right to feel the way you do. Generally we know when something like that happens. Based what was going on at the time and the timing of the events.

    So I don't think we should try to convince you that it didn't happen or you shouldn't feel the way you do.

    If you were my wife I would just try to calm you down some and to make light of the situation. Nothing can really be done to take it back.

    Hopefully he won't be back. If he is I would give him a slight chance as more than likely he wasn't trying to be malicious, hopefully he just exhibited poor taste and judgement. And if he does show up again I am sure you will keep a better eye on him, and if he does anything else inappropriate I am sure you will handle it.

    I admit when I was younger I did think taking my daughter to certain activities had the added benefit of seeing the attractive moms there with their kids. Of course back then most cell phones didn't have such great cameras built into them. So I never tried to take any picks of them. And heck now you can generally find everyone on facebook anyways and look at their pics on there.
    Efficient01 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    I wasn't implying anything I was just offering a different take on what you posted. There is a possibility that you are wrong, there is always that possibility. My advice is to let it go, wait until the next time he is there and see what happens. There are just to many senerios that could have happened but since he is the only one that knows what the picture is of, guesses will only cause more distress. If this were my wife I would do the same as guard and calm her down. I am not trying to convince you that it didn't happen or how you should feel. I am just pointing out that it may be different then how you thought it was. Hope it doesn't happen again and you can enjoy your son while he is having fun.

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